[Update 4/8/10: It has come to my attention that the main subject of this post, a 50 year old virgin blogger, has mysteriously deleted his blog. However, there are still some good insights in this post and is worth the read.]

There is one type of blog in the dating/relationship niche that always seems to catch my eye along with many other interested readers and that is of the older male virgin blog.

These blogs are almost irresistible to read due to the sexual trials and tribulations of the authors. Though these blogs tend to be similar in their life span on the web, they always offer a unique opportunity for everyone to become an expert on losing virginity and offering their advice to said authors.

They pop up every once in awhile with clever names like: Almost 40 Year Old Virgin, The 30 Year Old Virgin or V-Carded. By the way, all these blog are now unfortunately defunct. I believe “The Virgin” from V-Carded eventually lost his virginity to TBK from The Beautiful Kind. The other two bloggers, which were popular several years ago, seemed to have shut down their operations and I assume either eventually got laid or gave up the dream, who knows?

The 50 Year Old Virgin

Well, if you happened to miss all the good content of the previous blogs, don’t fret, there’s a new kid guy in town and he steps things up a notch. We’re not talking about late 20 something virgins, or a 30 something virgin and no not even a 40 year old virgin. This guy is a Virgin at 50!

As of now the blog is still a young pup, at less than a month old, but hopefully the author will continue posting his adventures in trying to get this whole virginity thing handled, but as of now his first post seems to be getting a lot action. In this, he basically lists all of the things he has done to improve himself and make himself more desirable; everything from getting a clothing consultant, brushing his teeth three times a day, to reading every pick-up/seduction book. He even goes so far as to travel to Russia in search of a bride…

Though everything he has done is certainly good from a self improvement aspect, save the Russian bride thing, he admits in a response to one of my comments that he has NEVER cold approached a woman and has NEVER tried initiating a kiss with a woman. Here’s a quick excerpt of his comment.

I have a lot of approach anxiety and have, outside of asking thousands of women to dance, never “cold” approached a woman. I’ve “warm” approached the women I know from my social circle and from group activities in which we both participate.

I’ve never tried to initiate a kiss because I’ve never felt that it would be welcome.

Now I’m not trying to come down on this guy, I’m an interested reader and am definitely rooting for him. And as my past readers know, I didn’t lose my virginity until my late twenties so I can somewhat relate.

You can read about my my first lay and though it was somewhat awkward and never saw that girl again, thank god, I am still grateful for having the fortitude to bang that chubby tattooed girl from the shitty dive bar.

As I’ve explained in my post, The Dilemmas of Male Virgins, being an older male virgin is like carrying around a bag of bricks that only gets heavier and heavier by the year. When I lost my virginity it was such a relief to drop that bag of bricks, and I was only 27, just imagine how many bricks a 50 year old man is carrying, that shit is gonna be heavy!

Here’s the thing, when I finally got laid for the first time, it wasn’t because I was just waiting around to “get lucky.” No, I never would have even banged that chubby chick had I not manned up and escalated the situation; everything from the first attempts of kino, to initiating the kiss, walking her back to her place, inviting myself in and initiating the sex.

The “Be Yourself” Trap

I think most people would say that you just have to go for it, make an attempt and be bold. Nothing is going to happen if you do nothing. Which brings me to my next rant, this comment on Virginat50′s blog by D. Lynn Thompson:

I’m sorry, but I can’t help but be amused at the fact that most (if not all) of the people advising you on how to get a woman are men. So, a bit of advice from a woman…

QUITE TRYING SO DAMN HARD!!! I know that probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it is the truth. It is my personal experience that men who try too hard don’t get much for their efforts. Just be yourself. Screw the psychotherapy (no pun intended). Toss the self help books, meds, and every other bit of BS that tells you who you have to be to meet someone.

If you MUST do something so you feel proactive, when you find a woman you would like to date, listen to her. Like actually listen. Not that “i’m pretending to listen while I figure out how to ask you out” listen. Take said info and do something nice. Bring her a lunch based on what she likes, buy her a used book that she has mentioned she likes (new ones are a bit creepy because they are expensive at times)…

What the hell! This is typical advice from an average woman who assumes that she knows how to attract women because she is a woman. Well, that is almost always not the case and is particularly poor advice in this case.

Essentially, D. Lynn, gives the tired cliched advice of “be yourself.” Ugh, please… seriously is that really the best advice this guy needs?! The man is 50 years old, he has been doing the “be yourself” thing for decades with no results, how could that possibly do any good? If the man sticks to the status quo, then his only option is to rely on luck, which at this rate he’ll never lose his virginity.

Now no one is saying that he should be a fake or pretend to be someone else. However, it is clear that he does need to TRY something to start escalating his interactions with the women he meets in life. And this doesn’t mean buying them a used book, that’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard, it’s akin to buying flowers in the hopes that the woman will put out.

My Blogging Advice to the Virginat50

You can only write about your problem and your excuses for so long until it starts to get boring. So, as an interested reader and an early fan of your blog, I would be most interested in reading about your actual attempts to overcome your male virginity. Things like:

• Cold approaching 10 girls, getting rejected by the first 9, but having a good conversation with the 10th
• Setting up and going on more dates
• Your attempts at initiating a kiss
• Hopefully, down the road, your eventually losing your v-card

The thing is, even if you get rejected and have embarrassing moments trying to actively overcome your anxiety, it will still make for great blog reading, so think about it like a journalist trying to get good material. It works for me

P.S. – If there are any other male virgin bloggers out there that I don’t know about, please drop me a line or leave a comment and I’ll link you up in this post.

It’s New Year’s Eve Eve. The one night when everyone is resting up for the big night tomorrow, we are starting a full day in advance. What can I say, we’re hardcore.

A cute bartender drops a pair of 22 ounce goblets in front of us. We clink the glasses together and raise them to our mouths. Delicious.

“I think we are doing it wrong” says Benny

“Doing what wrong? Drinking beer?” I say, “You still drink with your mouth right?”

“No no, not that. Girls man. I think we need to do better at hitting on girls.” he says

I’m intrigued now. Benny has always been a good friend of mine. We both desire women and we both pursue women, we are men after all, but I’ve never really told him about my whole venture in trying to learn this stuff. So, naturally when he or any of my other friends start talking about the topic of seduction, my ears perk right up.

“Listen, I read this book…” he begins to say

Bingo. I already know where he is going with this.

“…it’s about this guy who becomes really good at seducing women and he kind of has these rules”

“Oh yea? What kind of rules?” I ask, playing along

“You know, like how to approach women and how to wing for each other, that type of stuff, and it works too!”

“Hmmm, interesting,” I say, “What was the name of the book?”

“It’s called The Game”

“Oh right, I’ve heard of that,” I say, still playing dumb, “…that’s by that guy, uhh, Neil Strauss right? The pickup artist guy?”

“OH, you’ve heard of it” he says in a surprised kind of tone

“Yea,” I say with a big grin, “I know about it”

He knows. I know. This is that awkward moment when two friends finally discover that they’ve both been secretly learning how to seduce women. The good thing is, it doesn’t stay awkward for very long.

“So, wanna do some approaches?” he says

Today we have a special guest. Avalon is the author of the blog, Strip and Grow Rich. She left a comment a few weeks ago and after learning that she is a successful exotic dancer, I thought it would be interesting to get her thoughts and opinions on the topic of seduction, especially after my post – How Not to Pick Up Strippers. So without further ado, here is an interview with Avalon the Super Stripper.

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Savage: I’m not sure what you know about pick-up artists or the seduction community, however, it is a growing men’s culture which focuses on using the science of attraction and the art of seduction to bring beautiful women into their lives. What are your thoughts on men deliberately focusing on this strategy to attract women?

Avalon: I haven’t studied the pick up artist or the seduction community to be honest with you. I’ve been out of the dating game for 8 years. I’ve heard the term PUA and watched silly videos how great puas pick up drunk chicks at a bar. Overall, I don’t think it’s anything new, it’s just been re-packaged and marketed to a needy demographic that will gladly fork over 17.95 or however much it costs to learn the Great Secrets of Picking up Women!! I think it’s great that shy men are learning to come out of their shells. Just harness that energy for good, not for exploitation.

Savage: As a stripper it is essentially your job to seduce men; so what tactics, techniques, and attitudes do you use to go about this?

Avalon: Actually it is my job to sell lap dances. I gain rapport with them, and then ask if they want a dance. The seduction part doesn’t even start (with me) until the dance begins. At that point, I try to utilize all the senses: smelling warm (not fruity or candy like) feeling softly shaven and silky smooth skin, touching the legal erogenous zones (ears, nape, neck, clavicle), shoulder and temple massage for the stressed out business exec, hearing soft “mmmmmmssss” Most importantly I’m genuine. If a guy smells like a hoagie, I don’t tell him he smells good. If he needs to brush his teeth or apply deodorant…I maintain my12 inch rule. Most of the time, I find something I have in common with my clients and build on that. It’s a lot like a first get-to-know-you date…but better because we both know where it’s going.

Savage: It is often said in the seduction community that strippers are the female equivalent of pick up artists. Do you think that there are similarities between the two?

Avalon: I think the explicit differences are environment and personal motives.

Strippers use seduction tactics in an explicitly for-profit environment. Once patrons walk through that door they are in Fantasy land, they know that, we know that, it is generally understood that the strip club is not reality. It is a place for escapism. Guys don’t go to a strip club to find a girlfriend, they go for entertainment and to buy lap dances. Obviously strippers have a personal motive for employing seduction tactics: to make money to pay her bills! That’s obvious! When the lights come on, the role playing is over and we all go our separate ways. No harm no foul no false pretenses.

On the other hand, pick up artists use the tactics of seduction in “the real world” They use it at parties, at bars, at places where woman may have their guard down. Their motive is also for personal gain. Whether that is good or bad is alway going to depend on a case by case basis. PUAs looking for another notch on the bedpost versus shy guy overcoming his fear of rejection are two separate animals. Nevertheless, I’ll bet there are a lot more girls out there who got their feelings hurt by a PUA than there are guys who spent their life savings on a stripper.

Savage: You have a great quote on your MySpace Page – “The only thing women hate more than being viewed as a sexual object….is NOT being viewed as a sexual object.” Could you elaborate more this mind set and why it is important for men to understand?

Avalon: All women, as much as they may deny it, want to be the object of a man’s lust. Hence the reason women invest in makeup, plastic surgery, diets, etc. We want to be looked at….because if we’re not…that means we are in the same category as Hilary Clinton or Janet Reno….or Roseanne Barr….ugh….

Savage: One of the most recognized pick up artists, Mystery, is known for his ability to pick up exotic dancers in strip clubs. Some of his techniques for doing this are as follows:

• Have the attitude that you are there to just hang out
• Keep your money in your pocket and your hands off the talent
• Demonstrate much higher value, essentially show the stripper that you are the talent
• Use “Negs,” these are basically a backhanded compliment or a playful tease
• Avoid becoming a customer and focus on being someone that could show her a fun time outside of the club
• Convey that you are pre-qualified by mentioning that you’ve dated exotic dancers in the past
• Respect her and her job as a dancer

These are some of the basic tactics that Mystery and other pick-up artists use. How do you feel about this type of strategy and do you think it works for picking up strippers?

Avalon: I think it’s a great way to get ignored by a high earning stripper. I have to laugh at the “mention you’ve dated exotic dancers” that’s code word amongst us dancers as RUN! As fast as you can! Also anyone who tells me that he is just there to “hang out” is pre-qualified as a “time waster”

Now, on a more serious note: this rule list groups strippers together as one personality type. Thats like saying I could make a list of ways to hit on doctors, which would be different from ways to hit on lawyers, which would be different from ways to hit on stock brokers. Most of the partier subsistence strippers I know…yes these might work. But the cool Super Stripper Chicks who have other jobs/businesses outside the club will see through this in a nanosecond. I would, and would then quickly move on to a paying customer. So this leads me to ask…are you trying to pick up ditzy subsistence stripper with a mountain of debt and nice shoes or cool super stripper with a college degree, rental properties, and fat brokerage account?

Savage: You admit that you met your husband when his boss bought him a lap dance, what was so unique about him rather than the other clients that made you want to pursue a relationship with him?

Avalon: He had Springsteen tickets and two dogs. I like Springsteen…and I also had two dogs. Unlike men, women know instantly if they’re going to go out with/sleep with you. I knew when I met him I wanted to see him again on a personal level. I knew on our first date I was going to marry him. Intuition is a gift that men will never have or understand. Which is why most of this PUA stuff isn’t about attracting attention from women, it’s about keeping their attention and gaining rapport with them AFTER you have their attention.

Savage: Finally, what advice would you give to the average guy for attracting women, not just strippers?

Avalon: Strippers are just women, so the advice is the same (just don’t waste our time practicing your tactics while we’re working)
Confidence is the key. Confidence is the single trait women desire in a man. Lack of confidence is a sign of weakness, and no woman wants a weak man.

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Thanks Avalon for your insight and taking the time for this.

Readers, be sure to check out Avalon’s blog: Strip and Grow Rich

There are thousands of seduction related ebooks on the internet these days. The problem is, many of them are not very useful. They are usually filled with copycat material or consist of being a giant sales letter. However, there are a few seduction ebooks which I believe offer value and are essential to any pick up artist’s library. Best of all, they’re free!

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Geek’s Get Girls by Brad P

One way to continue to improve your skills is to learn from the masters. Brad P is one of my favorite pick up artists and would recommend any of his books. Brad P provides a collection of stories and reviews from a ton of his past students in which they describe using Brad’s methods of seduction. At over 200 pages, this ebook called “Geeks Get Girls” is a real gem. And after your done with that be sure to check out his comprehensive Fashion Bible which Brad is particularly known for with his “sexy sterotyping” concepts.

Update 3/1/10:This was formly “The Adventures of Brad P” but I think he discontinued it, however, now he offers “Geeks Get Girls” which, like all of Brad’s ebooks, is very good stuff.

Get Beyond Approach Anxiety

You can read all the books, all the message boards and all the seduction blogs you want, but if you can’t grow the courage to approach women then you’re wasting your time. This free eBook by Eric Disco from the Approach Anxiety blog, focuses on the number one fundamental skill to picking up women – approaching. What I love about this book is that Eric deliberately cuts out all the bullshit and gets straight to the point. His advice and game plan for approaching women are simple and an easy to follow. I highly recommend it to any would be pick up artist. Click here for the download page.

Revive Your Sex Drive

This book by Ryan at YangTown is a comprehensive overview of how to access your sexual energy. Now keep in mind, this is not a sex book, it is an inner game book. It’s about harnessing your sex drive to increase confidence and energy. Ryan who studies Chinese Taoism, Spirituality, and the Dating & Seduction community uses his knowledge to write an incredible inner game book. Mastering inner game is an important aspect to becoming skilled in seduction. One cannot successfully seduce others until he is aware that he has the ability to do so. Click here for download page.

Picking Up and Acting Out: Politics of Masculinity in the Seduction Community

This is actually a thesis by Elana Clift who found out about the seduction community and decided to focus her sociology research on the study of pick up artists. The paper is in depth and gives a comprehensive overview of the history, sociology and politics of the seduction community. It’s a useful read if you are trying to get a solid grasp on this whole culture of pick up artists. Download the PDF Here.

CaptainJack’s Grande Adventures

Once you get the basics down then you may want to check out both volumes of Captain Jack’s ebook for some advanced material. CaptainJack is a well known pick up artist and is renown for his ability to have Same Night Lays (not to be confused with one night stands). His two books are comprised of both seduction techniques and his personal field reports. They are a wealth of knowledge and can be downloaded here and here.