Field Reports

I’m standing in a small dive downtown, the place is packed and there are beautiful women all around. A waitress magically clears a pathway through the crowd as if she were Moses parting the Red Sea.

“You boys need another round?” she asks.

“Oh hi. We definitely need another round. Bring us your finest cans of PBR please.” I say with a big grin.

She roles her eyes as she disappears back into the crowd.

I take a quick survey of the room to see if I can lock eyes with any women. There is a nearby group of Irish men all surrounding a cute looking girl with amazing legs, we’ll call her Linda Legs. I can barely see her face between the bulky guys facing her. Her eyes scan over to meet mine. I smile at her. Her face brightens up before turning back to her friends.

I turn to chat some more with my friends just as our ice cold beers arrive.

“Oh there she is, best damn waitress in town!” I blurt out.

The waitress gives me a menacing glare, obviously not amused by my flirting. I pay her and leave a big tip before she leaves again.

I am about to sip on my beer when I notice Linda Legs saddling up to our group. She begins introducing herself one by one to all of my friends. She is clearly not shy as she begins striking up conversations with everyone but me. Finally, she works her way over and we are now face to face. I hold out my hand to introduce myself, but rather than shake it, she grabs my fingers and raises it to her lips, kissing my hand. Hmm, Interesting.

“Hi. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?” I say with curiosity

“Linda. You?”

“Matt”

“Hi Matt. You know what? We should have a dance-off!” she exclaims

This Linda is something else. She assumes attraction and rapport as if she were a pick-up artist. Holy shit, I think I’m being picked-up!

Linda grabs my hand again and twirls me around. Unbelievable, this is my move! I think I’ve just met the female version of me. She is fun and interesting, but it takes two to tango.

I take control and begin moving her around in my own seductive brand of dance. This is tricky as our space is limited to a 3 ft. x 6 ft. area of floor, which is doubling as a major passageway to the bar. We manage to make due, despite bumping into everyone within an arm’s length and knocking several beers to the floor.

“Wow, you dance really well, what do you call this?” Linda says

“Umm, it’s called the Tango de la Muerte”

“What does that mean?”

“The tango of death,” I say in my best Latin accent, “Is so sexy, it kill you!”

“Oh my god, you are sooo cute!” she says while quickly grabbing a handful of my right ass cheek which causes me to jump in surprise.

“Lets dance more.” she demands

I agree, however, am getting a big ego at this point. To impress her even more, I make a lame attempt at some crazy triple axis flying dragon spin. The result isn’t pretty.

As I furiously spin around in a circle, I lose my footing and accidentally do a face plant into the rather large breasts of our waitress. Oh shit. I look up into her face waiting to feel her wrath.

“Heh, you are something else, aren’t you?” she says with a smirk

“Uh, yes ma’am.” I respond

She smiles and moves along. Then suddenly I feel a hand tugging at the back of my shirt. I turn around to see Linda and her big Irish friends. It looks as though they are leaving.

“You’re leaving?” I ask

“Yea, it was nice meeting you though” she says

She plants a big wet lingering kiss right on my lips and then she is dragged away by a very unhappy man.

Wait a second, I should get her number or something.

“Wait!” I shout, but it is too late, she is gone.

Unfortunately, the Tango de la Muerte has claimed yet another victim, me.

It is dark. We are in the middle of nowhere. The only visible light is coming from the camp fire that we now encircle. Of the fifteen people in our clan only three are single females. I don’t think it a coincidence that the three women are all sitting next to me, all happily engaged in my storytelling. The remaining group is composed of gun toting, testosterone driven, young men.

Now that I have my three little birds captivated it becomes clear to me that during the last four days of camping I have emerged as the alpha male. Though not the biggest or toughest of the men I did do one thing that my peers did not; I created rapport. So much so, that by the end of the night, one of these women will be waiting for me in my tent, in my sleeping bag and in the nude…

Tall Tammy

A former collegiate basketball player, Tammy is quite tall with long blond hair and piercing blue eyes. Though pretty, her true attractiveness comes from her sense of humor. She was the first person I met while arriving at the camp site. We hit it off immediately while helping each other set up our tents and were instantly flirting with our similarly witty styles of comedy. By the second day we created a secret gummy worm pact which became a running joke for the remainder of the trip.

Sultry Samantha

The youngest of the girls, Samantha, a city girl who was not even remotely interested in the whole camping thing. Her detachment from nature can be best illustrated by the fact that she brought two suitcases of clothes and a rather large make-up box on a four day camping trip. Despite being out of touch with the country side she eventually lightened up after some persistent flirting and some tutelage on basic camping etiquette. And on day three the sexual innuendos became so great that we kissed under the waterfall while swimming in the nearby river.

Sad Sarah

The opposite of Sultry Samantha, Sarah, a country girl is your typical girl next door. She has long dark hair, a dark complexion and an often sad face. I’m not sure why she looked sad most of the time but I made it my mission to make her smile as much as possible. Cheering her up took some work but eventually it was the simple acts of compassion that made the difference. When everyone else would be drinking booze, I would make hot cocoa for the two of us. When the rest of the savages where shooting chipmunks, I took her for a hike up a nearby mountain. I think she enjoyed these things. At the very least, I made her smile.

…The giant blaze in the center of circle is now dwindling. I can barely see the remaining few who haven’t retired for the night. I announce that I am pooped and will go to bed. Forgetting my flashlight I carefully make my way back to my tent in the soft glow of the fire.

As I unzip the door and begin to pull my body inside, I hear someone waking up in my sleeping bag.

“Who’s in my tent?” I say

“Oh hey, sorry. I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to sleep in here tonight, is that ok?” a girl whispers.

I move closer and get a faint look at who it is.

“Um, yea it’s ok,” I reply, “as long as you don’t mind sharing a sleeping bag.”

“No, come on in” says Samantha as she lifts the covers to reveal her naked body.

I undress myself and climb in.

We are in the middle of the dance floor. We are ten strong. We control the room. This is my entourage. A group of fun guys with so much positive energy that any women within a fifty foot radius will be sucked into our vortex.

It’s Friday night and we are in a popular rock bar downtown. The place is packed full with young beautiful women. The hip hop is blasting. The dance floor is bumping. My friends and I are bobbing our heads pretending like we know the lyrics to Promiscuous Girl. An appropriate song considering our intentions.

Two hotties who I was eyeing earlier suddenly find themselves “accidentally” bumping into me. This is a clear approach invitation. I make eye contact with one of the cuties and extend my hand for her to grab. She does.

This is a great song to dance to because of the duet you can do some role playing on the dance floor. While dancing I start lip syncing the male parts of the chorus to her.

Promiscuous girl…wherever you are…I’m alone…and it’s you that I want…

She gets into the back and forth lip sync battle and starts to belt out her parts of the song.

Promiscuous boy…you already know…that I’m all yours…what are you waiting for?

I grab her hips and we begin grinding with each other, rubbing our various body parts together.

I look over my shoulder to check on her friend. I don’t want her to swoop in and steal my cutie away. Luckily, my wingmen were right on the ball when I started the interaction because they immediately went in to distract the friend. It’s great having guys who actually understand the role of being a good wingman.

Promiscuous girl…you’re teasing me…you know what I want…and you got what I need.

I push her away for a second, then pull her back in; so close that our noses are touching and we’re looking directly into each other’s eyes.

Promiscuous boy…lets get to the point…cause we’re on a roll…are you ready?

While our noses still touching and our bodies grinding together, I kiss her. We have a little makeout session right there. Nice.

I isolate her to a more secluded area off to the side of the dance floor.

“What’s your name?” I ask

“I’m Beth, what’s yours?”

“My name’s Matt, nice to meet you” I say.

The whole introduction thing is a bit weird considering that we were making out not more than five minutes ago. We continue talking and flirting with each other, interjected with kissing at random intervals. At one point I find out she is 36. What is it with me and attracting women in their thirties? This is the second one I’ve kissed this week.

Eventually, Beth’s friend finds us and pulls her away giving me the excuse that they need to get more beers. Ugghhh, I had a feeling I couldn’t keep her isolated for this long without having to deal with the friend. Beth assures me that she’ll be back later as they walk off into the crowd.

Not wanting to stand around by myself I immediately find my entourage who, by now, have amassed quite the collection of dancing girls. There is one incredibly hot, tall girl standing on the outer edges of the circle. I approach.

“Hey! Lets dance” I say with a great big smile

“Umm, I’m kinda tall for you”

“Yea that’s ok, I don’t discriminate,” I say, “now let me see your hand.”

She gives me her hand. I twirl her around and just like that we’re dancing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Beth and her friend have come back. They are now dancing right next to me and Tall Girl. I can see Beth constantly looking over at us dancing. There is definitely a jealousy plot line at work here.

After a few songs of dancing, I release Tall Girl to her group friends. I turn around as Beth is about to pounce all over me. She puts her arms around me and demands that I dance with her. So, we dance some more, although it was really more of an embraced swaying by this point.

I have to urinate so I excuse myself to the bathroom. I’m gone for only five minutes. On my return, Beth and her friend are no where to be seen. What the fuck? I wander all over the bar looking for her but she is gone. Damn it! What the hell just happened?

Disheartened and confused I try to snap out of it. I go to re-join the entourage but now everyone is scattered about the bar attempting to close whatever women they were gaming. I go to another room to listen to the rock band that was playing. I end up dancing and flirting with several other girls before the end of the night but nothing as good as the Beth scenario.

Epilogue

The next morning after talking with some of my friends I find out that almost every guy in the group at least kissed a girl that night. One ended up going home with a girl. And another one got punched in the face for saying a girl had nice tits right in front of her boyfriend. He wasn’t hurt but did end up getting a fat lip. Though humorous, I think we can chalk that tactic up as what not to do. As for me, I’m still perplexed by Beth’s disappearing act. I’m assuming that the friend dragged her out of the bar or something. Oh well, at least I got a solid kiss close out of it and had I great time with my friends.

How does a guy learn to become a great kisser? I think there are two things that one would need to do: practice by kissing women more frequently and practice with someone with more experience. So, for a guy to become a great kisser, it makes sense that his best chance for learning is by frequently kissing older more experienced women.

On this particular Saturday night, I am at the local pub…again. I approach a few different women and attempt to attract them with a few of my witty stories but it just isn’t working tonight.

There is one older woman sitting in the corner by herself. I am already familiar with this woman as I’ve interacted with her on numerous other occasions. She is Mistress Molly.

Mistress Molly is in her late 30’s, probably around age 38 or 39, and she is very cute. This would make her about ten years older than me, so I think it definitely classifies her as an “older woman.” Not that I consider late 30’s as old, just comparatively older.

I go over and sit down with Mistress Molly. We immediately strike up an engaging conversation. We talk about dating and relationships. I tell her about my pursuit in meeting and attracting women. She gives me all kinds of advice and stories about her relationship experiences. Before we know it, we had talked for over two hours straight. All the while, there is some light banter and kino between us.

As the bar closes we walk outside together about to part ways.

“Have a good night” I say as I lean in to her.

Just like that we are kissing and it…was…good! She is by far one of the best kissers I’ve ever kissed before. To be honest, this isn’t the first time we’ve kissed. I’ve kissed her on New Year’s Eve and several weeks ago as well.

I don’t think things will ever get sexual between us. Because of our age difference we lead very different lives and I don’t see a relationship going any further than the kissy one we have right now. Not that I don’t mind as she is a damn fine kisser.

Our lips finally unlock and we both smile at each other with our gleaming eyes. We turn and head our separate ways.