Porn Addiction and the Fall of Men

by Matt Savage

17 years ago…

It’s four in the afternoon as I frantically tap away at my keyboard, navigating through menu after menu of soft green terminal text, searching for hidden file caches of the female flesh. Time is of the essence since I still have another hour before my mom comes home from work. And the time it takes to download an image file on my 14.4 kilobit modem takes up to 20 minutes.

At the age of fifteen, I am the only kid in my class with a personal computer. As far as nerds go, I am the king of my school, not to mention a venerable smut peddler dealing in printed porn images acquired from local Bulletin Board systems. What an age we live in, when one can spend the afternoon to download an image of a naked woman straight from your phone line…

Today…

It’s four in the afternoon, as I casually browse my favorite websites, clicking around on a cornucopia of funny cat pictures and sprawling political rants. Any information I could want is accessible in seconds with a few clicks of the mouse. Of course, this also means any type of pornography a man could ask for. As opposed to 17 years ago, the ability to access porn in both speed and quality has far surpassed what my young fifteen year old brain could have ever conceived. You kids today, you don’t know how easy you have it.

Pornography as a Drug

Think about this for a second – never in human history has pornographic sexual stimulus been so readily available and on demand that it is today. Is it any coincidence that we’ve seen the rise of an entire Seduction Industry which needs to teach the current generation of males how to simply approach a woman?!

Perhaps one of the problems that men have become so reluctant and ignorant in what should be socially common knowledge on courting women is that, as Mr. Mahr exclaims in the video above, us men are chronically lazy. This on demand readily accessible porn has taken the work out of achieving sexual stimulation to the point where pursuing real life women is a mere hassle, unworthy of our time.

As I’ve mentioned in my now infamous male masturbation article, I hypothesize that the act of excessive masturbation causes a false reward in the male brain, which thus causes him to become a beta male, complacent in the pursuit of desirable females. A hypothesis directly related to our consumption of porn and one that is now being widely discussed by a myriad of journalists and bloggers alike.

The piece that is currently making the biggest waves on the issue, from the New York Times Magazine article titled, How Porn is Affecting the Male Libido, had this to say:

Though porn research is the subject of much debate and barb-flinging…, scientists speculate that a dopamine-oxytocin combo is released in the brain during orgasm, acting as a “biochemical love potion,” as behavioral therapist Andrea Kuszewski calls it. It’s the reason after having sex with someone, you’re probably more inclined to form an emotional attachment. But you don’t have to actually have sex in order to get those neurotransmitters firing. When you watch porn, “you’re bonding with it,” Kuszewski says. “And those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that feeling.” Which allows men not only to get off on porn but to potentially develop a neurological attachment to it. They can, in essence, date porn.

Is it not so unbelievable that porn addiction could be looked upon the same way as nicotine, alcohol and drug addiction? After all, the artificial stimulation and subsequent ejaculation causes similar dopamine and oxytocin release as most drugs do. It’s a topic of much debate, but from my perspective, it appears that the rise of pornography and porn addiction is causing the rise of a whole generation of beta men.

Consider the following recent articles for other opinions on the topic:

Also, even though much of what is being discussed about porn addiction is highly debated and often times proclaimed pseudo science, there is quite a bit of anecdotal evidence and loads of testimonials from those that have quit watching porn and abstained from excessive masturbation. For your convenience, here’s a few other sources to consider:

So what do you think?

Update April 22nd, 2012 – Here’s a great Ted Talk by Gary Wilson who runs the very informative Your Brain on Porn blog. I highly recommend watching it as it gives a better overview of the problems with porn addiction better than I have.

{ 49 comments }

Max Ikbal March 1, 2011 at 1:27 am

Another timely an splendid post on this subject Matt. You’re doing an admirable job trying to spark discussion on this topic, as moe and more men, most unfortunately, are falling deep into the virtual erotic world and destroying there lives and not being productiv at all.

Even if one does not follow the religious lines to abstain from pornography, just look at your life and see that porn addiction is causing you undue stress and lack of zest in your life. Guys need take up healthy activities to distract themselves from this vice.

Hope the discussion continues.

Again, great article Matt. Cheers

Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life March 1, 2011 at 12:00 pm

I think the rule is that it’s okay to watch, just don’t touch (yourself).

Great post.

Poetry of Flesh March 1, 2011 at 6:34 pm

I think you’re drawing your coorelations backwards.

Why say porn makes lazy beta males, when it is much easier to believe that porn allows behavior traits such as excessive masturbation, lack of sexual activity (involving others), and social closeting to flourish? Those traits were already there.

I’ve been enjoying porn since I was 12 or 13. I’m not addicted, nor has it impacted my sex life. Nor am I emotionally unable to bond with my partners. But I’m female.

My partner has been in the porn industry for 21 years. Behind the camera, in front of it, editing, directing, producing, writing. It’s safe to say that he’ll have more exposure to porn in a month than most men will have in two years. Does he have the “problems” listed above? Hardly.

It’s so much easier to blame other people or things for one’s lack of self-control and poor behavior choices.

Also, from an evo-psych standpoint, if there are -not- latent behaviors in these suddenly “betatized” males and porn is causing a suddenly social polarization, then so much the better for the actual alpha males who can control themselves, and so much the better for the offspring of the alpha males who remain unchanged through this dreadful exposure to other people having sex on film. Their offspring will have, theoretically, better self-control (if that’s genetic), and (if porn is actually physically addicting as was suggested) a higher resistance to addictive behaviors.

You (probably) know I like you and your blog, but it’s information like you’ve gathered here that drives me insane from the sheer ignorance of the scholastically inclined and the conservative. If any of these people took a year off of their education and bothered living in the real world, they might have some sort of actual experience with reality.

Also, while these studies are classified as social science, social science falls under the heading of “humanities”, not actual science. There’s a reason for that.

/rant.

Matt Savage March 3, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Max,

Thanks for the props and yes, it does amaze me that some people can’t see that there may possibly be downsides to watching too much porn, to the point where it’s likely an addiction. I keep telling guys who are so opposed to my hypothesis that they should just quit for one week and see what happens, after all, it won’t kill anyone to stop watching porn for seven days in order to see what the effects are.

Athol,

Ha, yea, easier said than done.

Poetry,

You make some good points and for good reasons. It’s possible that my correlations are backwards, however, here’s two decent reasons why I think my hypothesis (so far) is plausible:

  • The men who have taken up the challenge to quit watching porn and quit masturbating for up to 7-10 day at a time have reported much higher increases in energy levels and motivation than previously
  • Though it’s not exactly scientific, there have been a number of studies that show excessive depletion of a male’s hormone levels through ejaculation effects his behavior, leading to anti-social and depression like states. This leads me to believe that, yes, porn addiction can very much lead to men being lazy and not the other way around.

Of course, this is not to say that men who are initially lazy or anti-social can’t fall into an endless loop of porn use as well, so no doubt, there is some validity to that argument.

I’m not sure that your example of your partner in the porn industry is a good example in this case, because I would assume that he is so over exposed to porn that he’s pretty much desensitized and also assume that he probably doesn’t watch/masturbate to porn in his spare time? Perhaps, I’m wrong on this, but working in the porn industry doesn’t necessarily mean you have an addiction to masturbating to porn. Now that I think about it, it’d be cool to do some kind of Q&A article with him if that’s at all possible?

Regardless, I do think there is some merit to these so called porn addiction articles/studies or whatever you want to call them. Not that I’m trying to demonize pornography in anyway, but I just think too much dependence on it, as a person’s main outlet for sexual activity is not good.

James Cartwright March 3, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Hmm, I’ve always been a 5 a day kind of guy myself.

I have tried the no wanking method several times and it has led me into suicidal gloom.

Interesting, though recently I have been getting into new hobbies such as cooking and playing the violin/my business more and found that I naturally was not as horny.

Check out my blog if you would like to read more about my masturbation habits. :)

Poetry of Flesh March 3, 2011 at 5:31 pm

What I’m reading from your first point is that men who stop doing one activity find they have time and inclination for another. Which makes perfect sense to me.

I was going to go into a description of male masturbatory habits, energy and time spent in a state of physical arousal and the effect on a man’s energy level… but I’m not. It just seems silly when coming from a female.

My question for your second point is horomonal depletion occurs with -any- ejaculation, or only with masturbatory release? It doesn’t specify and I think that’s a very important distinction to note if it exists.

I used my currently partner because he is immersed in porn. Of previous boyfriends, all of them had a sizeable porn stash (which I would raid when I felt the… er… desire), all of them had an active sex life with me while masturbating when they chose. The most recent three boyfriends are all highly motiviated and driven men, and out of the three of them, the one that masturbated the most (by an extreme) was the most sexually active (we had an open relationship) and the most financially successful, hitting millionaire level while running his own business.

I’ll have my partner read your article and comment and see if he’s interested in doing a Q&A session with you.

I do agree that there is a problem with porn addiction and with a dependence on porn as the primary sexual outlet, but I do -not- agree that porn is the cause. Porn is a tool. Like any tool, as trite as this is, it can be abused. It can allow or magnify behaviors that otherwise would not be active in a person. I am tired of people passing off responsibility for social and sexual ineptness onto a material item instead of expecting people to be responsible for their own choices.

I rarely see, if ever, someone breaking free from an addiction and saying “wow, I was really weak and I made some bad choices and abused this item, but I broke free”. No, it’s always “I was in a bad time in my life or I didn’t know better and this devil item took advantage of me and ruined my life, the people who make it are horrible people who should be burned at the stake for the sins they have commited”.

Too much dependence on anything is not a good thing, by the way. Well, aside from water, food, oxygen, etc.

Rose March 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Great article Matt, always look foward to reading your new work. :)

Ann March 7, 2011 at 3:29 am

Sex sells, simple as that

Dating For LOLs March 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Haha too true. I remember my first exposure to Internet porn in a junk email back on dial-up. I was young at the time and let’s just say it put Channel 5′s sleazy Friday late night softcore showing to shame for my young mind.

Needless to say, I never looked back.

Seriously though, I don’t personally see much of a correlation between excessive masturbation and guys spending less time chasing women. I think porn has definitely encouraged people to be more liberal with their desires, and the “modern savage” is just a by-product of that.

Lance March 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Hey Matt, great article and great discussion going on in comments. I LOVE porn and from my personal experience, there is no addictive effect whatsoever. That’s just me. From all my male friends, a group that is fairly substantial, none of them I would consider “addicted” to porn either. Some are regular viewers, some I would even consider hobbyists or connoisseurs. As Poetry said above, I see it as just another tool and it can be abused or not. All things in moderation. Exercise can be addictive and bad for you after a certain point, no doubt, but otherwise it’s perfectly healthy.
Another point, lazy people drift towards abusing things, it’s usually not the things that create the laziness. I would strongly argue that porn is NOT creating a generation of lazy dudes, but rather, larger societal forces are the culprit, the same forces that create guys with poor social skills.

Hey, thanks for the link, much appreciated.

Lance March 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Sorry, one more point. I use porn as a resource and a way to increase my skill in the bedroom. I approach a good bang session as a movie, where I’m the director, and I synthesize new plots, dialogue, and movements from watching tons or video and pulling things together and creating new fantasies. In this way, I think porn is an invaluable resource, and will become more valuable as free online porn evolves.

Sun99 March 13, 2011 at 2:17 am

Thank you posting an article on this subject. As a recovering sex addict, I can attest to the power of relinquishing my dependence on porn. I am not one to blame the substance, item, or process, but I know for certain that taking myself out of the addictive cycle of viewing porn has benefitted my personal life enormously. And as the author of this article mentions- my dating prospects have improved tremendously.

There are plenty of studies emerging showing the connection between the ability to form stable long term relationships, mood, erectile dysfunction, etc. with over stimulation and addiction. While it may or may not be the act itself that is causing these problems, the addictive tendencies of people is definitely causing a loss of quality of life.

I am not one to blame the “devil’s item” either, but my experience in recovery from addiction and watching other people recover from addiction is that it might be necessary to remove the item or process that is causing the person grief, whether it causes another person a problem or not. Also, humans are diverse and not all will respond to stimuli in the same way. Some people’s genes cause them to binge after just one exposure to stimuli, while others do not. Even though Poetry’s claims that this study is not scientific might be correct, there are a lot of studies on mice that support this porn-mood connection hypothesis. But philosophically, this problem is present in all addiction studies and we dont say that alcoholism or cocaine addiction doesnt exist in humans.

Jalagrim March 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Saying porn abuse comes from innate weaknes is like saying alcohol abuse comes from innate weakness. It may be technically correct but in practice the drunkard needs to go cold turkey or risk his life going down the gutter. And there are good reasons to suspect porn usage has alot more sinister effects than alcohol.

Fact is most people are set up for addiction, wether it be porn or drugs or eating too much . Trouble is todays society wants people to be without selfcontrol, it needs a populace of mass consumers and porn is part of that sheeple conditioning

Zach March 25, 2011 at 10:14 am

I view excessive porn use as a result of the fall of man, not the cause. I do however recognize that different people have different relationships with porn, and that your viewpoint may be helpful for some of your readers.

Noel Fonseca March 26, 2011 at 2:26 am

As a 26 year old guy with a girlfriend, I find my self still masturbating a lot–out of porn. Really!! To give you my viewpoint, for example you’re not in a relationship right now, why would you even attempt approaching a woman if you have all the necessary resources you need to satisfy your libido–which indeed hits right on the ball- complacentness of men. I do think however that you missed the “fear of women” aspect of it though–what stops men becoming alpha-males.

Alex Fairfield March 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Hi Matt I appreciate as always the effort you put in to you work. Nonetheless this post is curiously reactionary. Instead of breathlessly attacking the perils of porn (and citing Bill Maher, who rails for women’s rights from the steps of the Playboy Mansion– where he is found on a regular basis), why not delve instead into something truly interesting, like the modern pscyh-babble that keeps a man down by telling him that he needs to “bond” with a woman in the traditional way; that he needs to behave “normally”; that he needs to be alpha male you worship?

If you dare to start asking real questions, here are a few others to explore: is the problem that a particular porn watcher really WANTS to approach women but is now finding it “unworthy of his time” or is it really that he is being made to feel guilty for feeling good? Does giving the milk away for free–i.e., giving a man access to something which he formerly had to pay dearly for–destroy anything but an advantage women are taught to exploit? What then, Matt? What then? What will fill the void of “tradition”?

Your post is another manifestation (as if one were needed) that what defines the frenetic, guilt stricken thinking by the pop media, florid there in the Sunday New York Times, is that any cultural advance–any way of feeling good–any “release” of dopamine–must be wrong. I submit that it’s the underlying structure of this thinking, not the nominal form of the supposed problem (porn), that is worthy of your attention.

Dub May 8, 2011 at 4:42 pm

@ poetry: you are obviously an intelligent person. So how exactly do you feel you are able to adequately comment on this? First off, you are a woman and you will never have the same perspective as a man. 2nd, your husband/bf/whatever works in the industry – maybe your pro-porn statements are so defensive since porn basically pays your rent…

Of course the user is not excluded from the blame – but I can’t imagine a harder addiction to break. Everyone has highspeed internet, everyone has access to a desktop/laptop. The fact that I can google one site and be waist deep in porn for literally months FOR FREE makes it absolutely, the most convenient addiction ever. Buying smokes, or drugs takes many more steps to satisfy than pointing and clicking. Get your head straight – you are biased.

Roy | Cruisesurfingz May 19, 2011 at 8:22 pm

You are spot on. I have unusual history with porn – peddling it in high school, was a webmaster for a porn company a few years ago and now I essentially sell porn in my current job(!)

And I’ve come to the same conclusion – porn makes you a beta male. Not only that, it misrepresents intimacy, seduction and flirting. Basically, porn is a drug.

James May 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Well, porno is not bad as long you know how to use it properly and wisely. If you do not know how to use it properly, leads to addiction. I watch porno once a six months is very good because it does not lead addiction. I am shocked to hear some people get addicted of porno movies because I am not addicted. Even so far, I can do whatever I want and not watch porno anymore. Because, it is just an entertainment. It is like eating a junk food and then we do not eat anymore such lousy food. Porno is bad when you do not use properly and wisely. Okay. I do not watch porno daily and do not take it for granted and seriously. I am focused in working out, and dedicate of me.

Stephen Waterstram May 24, 2011 at 9:33 am

Where is the painting from that’s at the top? What’s it called? Who painted it?
This portrait is in a group online where men seem to believe they are by nature “solosexual” or practice of onanism. I find that most men who couldn’t get a date in their teens develop the habit of masturbation strongly because they wern’t having teen sex like other boys were. I aslo think there are some who are proned to be masturbators like most virgin male who claim to be in waiting for marriage to have their first time sex. They get aroused like any other man when they seee something that they find to be provocative. They get a hard on and the only normal course of action for the “hotflash” is to stoke the penis and make it shoot.
Anyway your sexuality is influenced in your teens is how you compose your sexuality throughout your life. If you’ve stroked your teens away morelikely if you try to persue females thereafter it could be rather difficult because they usually prefer men with some amount of vaginal experience any where from 45 to 75 % of the time anyway.

BMarvelous July 16, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Not every man is a porn addict and if they are if doesn’t mean the fall of men is coming. The males mind is made to go after or “hunt” women. It is natural. In the end we are still animals you know.

Social Natural July 21, 2011 at 2:45 am

It’s NOT just porno addiction, but sex addiction for the fall of men…”Tiger Wood”, “Jesse James”, “Anthony Weiner”. It’s ironic how pornography is easily accessible nowadays at the speed of a click, but sex was far more easily accessible couple hundred years ago without all the social correctness and moralistic taboo.

Ryan August 18, 2011 at 5:10 am

I’ve started a personal experiment, quitting porn and way back on masturbating. I was going strong at a couple times a day, almost always with 5 or 10 mins. of internet porn. It’s been a couple of weeks without and I can’t say I notice much difference. Maybe a little more worked up in the mornings.

I look forward to giving it more time, though, because I think there is definitely something to the way porn makes men feel about women. It screws with your perception of them. If you think about it, women in porn approach sex the way a man does, and that’s not doing any of us any service.

bJ August 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm

i personally believe over-masturbation leads to over reliance on porn for filling the void that exists in my life, I’m well aware of all the great things or steps i could be taking to move my entire life towards where i believe id be happier but porn is a drug, just like fast food, TV and er Drugs! you feel a reward (emotionally/briefly) for what? a hollow empty experience, one like the others above do nothing for your life and instead possibly damage it. Its always the ‘last’ wank, ‘last’ shitty burger, ‘last’ binge on drink. I pray i find the strength to get beyond the curse that all these empty things that hold back my self development, id love to have a GF and i have had many but these days i look at more and more porn and often i feel satisfied right at the point i felt compelled to go out and meet someone real, too much porn/wanking clips your own wings, that is if you want real women and discipline over yourself…

Tony D October 2, 2011 at 6:55 pm

First off, I really like your writing ability and your care to show research. Pro blogging!

I have heard about porn addiction, I understand it’s implications and all that.

My recommendation to guys is this: Masturbate with your imagination. Yes….mental masturbation.

I’m actually a dating coach too. I teach workshops almost every weekend in my city.

When I get home from a session, I pretty much have to furiously masturbate. Why? Because I meet so many damn hot chicks and I can’t pick them up because I’m working!

Anyway, this leaves me really horny.

But guess what? I still go to my fav free porn site and spank off. But here’s what I don’t do every day. I don’t Come.

Don’t come! I get as close as possible and use tantric stuff to enjoy orgasm without coming. It actually kills my horniness but not my drive and motivation.

Great article!

SlickMickey October 29, 2011 at 2:57 am

I think I use to think porn was ruining society too, but then I thought about it more and came to a different conclusions.

I agree that porn can be an addiction. Individuals who have addictive personalities can be addicted to anything. Cigarettes, drugs, gambling, etc. Those who will be addicted to sexual stimulus will always find their way. Those who have poor self control will always give in to any addiction and laziness. Those who are weak in character will always put themselves in a position to be victimized. Porn is the cause of my problems.

I disagree that porn and masturbation is a cause of beta male phenomena. There are better reason why there are beta male, because as society progress, male and female achievements starts to equalize. Traditional gender male roles are therefore challenged. Those who hold on to this traditional male role will be disappointing with the reality of change and progress.

There are plenty of animals in nature that masturbate and there is nothing to stop them. Their species aren’t’ filled with beta males.

Masturbation and porn is normal, people masturbated all the time in society which had sexual freedom like the Greeks. Even homosexuality was cool. Sex is cool (and self love is cool), there are ton of benefits that would outweigh any risk. It makes your life better. In this shitty real world we live in, we need to take all the positives thing we can. We should not feel shame. Most people I believe enjoys porn and masturbation in moderation. You know when it is not in moderation when it gets in the way of things. If you let sex get in the way, then there is something wrong personally. This requires more soul searching for the individual. But, please don’t blame or attribute fault to anything.

Men and women should not feel ashamed or be worried about masturbation. BECAUSE IT IS GREAT. The sky isn’t falling…….life goes on. Get over a world centered by ourselves and start enjoying each other.

Crystal November 5, 2011 at 11:20 am

Just like a porn addict to only see only their own selfish enjoyment as being the basis of their arguement here, but let’s shed a little light on another side of this. Why don’t some of you people look up Tribute to Dead Porn Stars on YouTube? Look at the hundreds of faces of young girls who were so happy to perform for you that they ended their own lives. Listen to ex porn star Shelly Luben speak about the non-curable STD she contracted or all the cases of HIV popping up in the porn industry. Why don’t you do a little research on the fact that %99 of the people in the business were abused or neglectected as children, most of them prostitute at some point in their career. I wish that these facts would help but the truth is most of you sickos get off even more on the fact that the girl is truly not enjoying it and is miserable, numb and hopeless about her glamourous life as a porn star.

Larry November 13, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Great post Matt. I just started this challenge of “Mastering My Domain” as well and will be writing about it on my blog. You should check out the journal of this 23 year old who decided to “reboot”. Really inspiring and has motivated me to give up masturbation cold-turkey.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/age-23-metamorphosis-into-chick-magnet

beija November 21, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Nobody ever mentions the thousands, perhaps millions of men for whom porn and masturbation is their only sexual outlet. They cannot, for a variety of reasons, find a partner to have sex with. And worse, all the 12 step and other programs that attempt to “cure” the porn “addict” depend on the man having a real life sexual partner to turn to once his lust for porn has been exorcized. In these programs the heavy porn user and masturbator must become celibate in order to be considered free of porn, which for many is worse than even the heaviest porn and masturbation habit.

Dogingdoging December 26, 2011 at 9:17 am

Personally,I indulge in masturbation and porn because I feel it’s more economical and time-saving.i do it in moderation .

Georgia Stone January 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Hi Matt: I just referenced your article on my blog. You can find it at http://www.vixendivorcee.com/2011/12/27/one-mans-viewpoint/#more-595. The people leaving comments on my site, as well as me, are dealing with many of the same questions you are. The difference is that we’re at a very different point in our lives from you. I find the differences and the similarities fascinating. Thank you for adding this interesting take to our discussion. I invite you to pay us a visit and leave a comment behind.

HitAPlateau February 1, 2012 at 9:27 pm

This is a very serious issue. You can google “Porn Addiction” or “Over masturbating” and you will see numerous people telling you that masturbation and porn are very normal. Normal responses are
“Just whack away dude, its a part of life!” But those answers and type of mentality is very ignorant. People don’t realize that porn is a drug that can be worse than cocaine and other hardcore drugs.
When I watch porn, I get a sudden rush that feels so good. When i quickly think of other things in my life when i get the rush at that exact moment, I feel happy about everything. I know that this is a false sense of being. And once I’m done, I feel lethargic and I feel like I have no “Mojo.”
It’s time to quit this. I’m tired of being unmotivated and anxious. When I refrain from porn, I feel as if I have a newer energy filling up inside me. Day by day, I will feel more and more of it until the point where I actually enjoy waking up in the morning and fixing myself that piece of toast (the little things in life). When I watch porn before I go to sleep, I wake up hating everything in life.
It’s hard to explain how I feel in the days of abstinence. It’s like a mental tug of war that brings me from anxiety and depression to happiness and mental relaxation. It also brings me from being horny, to actually seeing the beauty in women. Typing this in a blog does not do it justice. I’m just fed up with how I let this ruin my life. I know I have the skills to be a superman, but porn is my kryptonite.
I urge every man to stop watching porn. Do I want the industry to be shut down? Absolutely not. I can care less what they do, how they do it, and what technology can mimmick a real sexual encounter. I just don’t want to be involved. There is another world out there for me to explore and it has a side of me that I don’t know yet. The only wall in between us is the world of cyber. These girls don’t care about you, and if you continue to watch porn, then normal girls won’t care about you at all either. They can subconsciously sense that you are watching porn by the way you act and how confident you are. Girls can sense that kind of stuff almost like animals can sense feelings lol. Girls just don’t consciously realize it. They are on a quest to find a strong man who keeps his man juice inside of him until he is ready to relinquish his duties in the bedroom.
Doctors will tell you that there is nothing wrong with masturbating too much. But that is only because if they told you that masturbating frequently was harmful, they wouldn’t have any medicine to prescribe for it, despite the anti depressants on the market these days. Doctors can’t make money off of porn addictions and they will not waste their time mentoring you through the recovery process because they simply DO NOT CARE.

I am happy this is being spoken about now. I’m tired of being cranky and letting everyone else feel my wrath due to my sexual frustration. The first two weeks of abstinence are very hard and I actually still feel lonely and depressed. I know that this won’t last and I realize that my brain is “rebooting.” But while I do this, I will make sure that I make up for what I lost in life; sweet and natural love. I will be more confident with the ladies and I will even be a better wing man for my friends. If there is any advice that I have to give at this point, it is to realize that you can find another part of yourself in this journey of rebooting. I hit a plateau in the world of porn. I’m ready to jump planets and reach for the skies.

Authentic online dating tips for men February 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

The fact that our society is so stimulated today sexually is neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. We need to adapt to what society throws at us, rather than wishing that things would change.

The Captain Power February 4, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Porn messes me up mentally for when I am with REAL women…

http://thecaptainpower.blogspot.com/2012/01/staying-home-is-disease.html?utm_source=BP_recent

david b. February 26, 2012 at 9:41 am

So many blogs, so many varied responses, not a word about spirituality or God!
We all have some sex drive. I believe it was givent o us all by a loving, all-powerful God who has a plan for every molecule, ever galaxy, and everything and everybody in-between.
After 40 years of selfcenteredness, masturbating, using people and things to get satisfaction way beyond what I really needed or deserved, I came back to Christianity. It is better than anything I can think up to run my life, so I devote to it.
That being said, when my wife and I are fighting, I resent her and am confronted with the ‘take-care-of-myself-sexually’ temptation. She hates it, I agreed not to to di ti, but, on occasion, I have. I can’t do it without guilt. It seems I can’t have my porn and eat it too, ha-ha! I could masturbate without it, but it is quite clearly NOT THE SAME THING. There is something specific about dialing in to exactly what I want to see and getting very specific relief each and every time. Seems like a dream come true, but it isn’t. There is no way for me to do this without a clear conscience, and, like I said, the old way of life, including masturbation/porn on demand, never worked to give me true piece of mind.
I was tempted this morning, and I thought I would just browse the web for other people’s opinions, and I got here.
Have yourself a great day with or without this very controversial activity!

Beta Male March 16, 2012 at 2:43 am

Hello Matt
I have been masturbating excessively (twice to thrice per day) for over 9 years and now when I started having disastrous effects like premature ejaculation, social anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, etc I turned on to internet to search a way to curb these problems.
I found several articles online which suggested controlled masturbation or even abstinence if possible. I also read about the depletion of certain neurotransmitter substances and hormones which adversely affect such individuals.
So I decided to abstain from masturbation and porn and I did succeeded to some extent as I could control myself for 2 weeks without masturbation. But porn addiction was still there so I was watching porn every alternate without masturbating.
Its today that I couldnt control myself and had to give it a hand jerked off myself seeing porn.
I felt guilty after masturbating today and I cried for an hour and I found your page and I came to know that masturbation after 7 to 0 days is absolutely normal. I feel so low today after doing this heinous act.
I request you to kindly make a reply on my situation whether I have taken a step towards improving my habits or I have again fallen into the ditch of darkness from where its difficult to come out. I am going to get married soon and I lack confidence in myself.
Thanks

ms k April 14, 2012 at 4:09 am

yes my husband continues to look at porn all the time playboy you name it. why is that men look at porn i have never understood that

Mattie April 14, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I’m thinking porn is like alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. You can try it one time and be hooked. Since you do not always know in advance what you will be hooked on, some things should not be experimented with. Let’s face it, you probably don’t have a family history on porn.

Lee May 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I have just found your blog Matt and think its great, lots of good topics which are discussed in a well thought out and written way, loved the Mr. Mahr video above.
I think it’s up to the individual to decide if they have a problem or not, and if so try to manage it. The individual has to decide if something has a negative effect on the general life and whether its worth changing or not, were all different be it sex, age, addiction problems the list is endless. I am guessing many people may have found these articles because they have googled information on a subject, and I am one of them.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks Lee.

NotGivingUp June 13, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Best advice I’ve had in years. If a preacher told me I wouldn’t give it a second thought, but coming from someone who’s actually trying to help guys get laid… That made me take it seriously. Avoided the stuff for 2 weeks now and it has increased my interest in REAL women by a large degree. Just might mean the end of my very long dry spell.

Beta Male June 15, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I tried to follow abstinence from PMO for over 7 weeks ( 50 days ) but then I relapsed to a picture of hot woman on internet. I had many withdrawal symptoms like anxiety, depression, headaches and so on for about 2 weeks of abstinence but then I started feeling better or say normal.
On 50th day I used internet and just by looking at a hot woman picture fully dressed I masturbated and then it all started when I started searching for more porn beginning from soft to hard. Now I know that all I did in these 50 days has been wasted on some cheap porn and now I feel worse then ever.

Joseph of EsternEurope August 19, 2012 at 7:55 am

For one thing, I’d say, watching porn or static nudity, is a way to explore hidden secrets. What we do not discover over the day, can almost compensate with uncovering the secret life of the night. They now call it “escapism”.

Men have great energy, if now we do not consume it in agriculture or hunting or in other ways, it goes down the sewerage by “mans turbatus” (latin=rabid hand). While I worked one week agriculture, I never had the need to have sex of any kind, only maybe after having wine or beer.

Some positive effect is that it is a way to confirm we are definitely heterosexual and not gay. Yes when you are turned on, you almost understand the gay, but only there.

One thing that not many say, is that all this porn is, as God wanted us to understand, only poison for the eye and soul, that is why we all feel guilt after doing it. It is a pleasure of loneliness, you feel the guilt of consuming without the opposite partner. The bad thing is that you will always feel that way.

When watching porn scenes, is like getting a share from others secrets. It is voyeurism.

They will evolve. They will create the device that you can have virtually sex with whoever you like over the internet. His toy will have the shape of her pussy, and will take the exact shape and transmit exact all movements.. the Intelligent Inflatable Doll of The Future. The modern humankind tries all ways in achieving a happy lone life. To be together while alone. The make happiness as cheaper as possible…

The two millenniums of “men-kind” wisdom, teaches us to eat less fat/meat, and learn abstention. Our abundant meals if very consistent, also alcohol, pushes man body to erection.
(forgive my poor English)

kid'SINIK_ October 11, 2012 at 5:11 am

Well I think porn addiction cannot possibly be reason enough for malicious intention and no, not even subliminally so. What does though is the idea of nudity while watching anything explicit.
I run an internet cafe along a busy road and it is tempting to say the least, especially during the not so busy hours of the day from between 10am to 1pm, that is to reinact some porn scene. What would you think if you were to walk into a shop and found a woman or man exposed for a quickie because thats all that porn inspires by my account.
ps. The read is real interesting so I hope my q would be answered just as well.

Peace
kid’SINIK_

Ben October 20, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Porn is for mentally weak men, who lack confidence, control, goals, motivation and drive. Why watch porn? You are not going to get it on with the girl on film, thus you are wasting time you can be doing other things like actually banging a real girl.

Introverted Playboy January 25, 2013 at 2:42 am

Everything in moderation. Porn addiction is real, as is addiction to alcohol, gambling, sex, food and other things that can nevertheless be safely consumed by a person.

But a moderate consumption of porn will not hurt you. Everyone just has to find the right balance that works for them. I think the rule of thumb is, if the activity or substance is interfering with your regular life–work, school, social activities, hobbies, etc–then you should take a closer look and see if something is wrong.

guy January 27, 2013 at 2:54 pm

I find this whole discussion both fascinating and funny. Ok, on the topic of masterbation i must say a lot of you folks saying it is counter to God’s will really should look at the history of the church and its efforts at recruitment. When a force of social influence/control is doing its best at increasing the number of subjects within its sphere of effect/powerbase(bureaucracies either grow or fail) it is most efficient to cast as wide a net as possible to ensnare as many individiuals as possible at any one time. Now one must admit that the presentation of the paradigm of heaven and the eternal torment of hell is a pretty good means to motivate people, especially when combined with the other potentials presented the church. So, with sin as the determining factor as to afterlife placement, they must define certain behaviors as acts against god that will result in the ultimate punishment which only the church is able to prevent. In this contex, what better, more universal act, could you possibly conceive, aside from breathing, to utilize as a foundation of an individuals need for redemption and submittance to the church’s control?! It’s insidious! And very shrewdly clever.
My mother was a child development specialist and was quite progressively oriented for her time and two things she told me when i was about seven was “always feel your pain, but try not to let it overwhelm you” and “no matter what anybody EVER tells you, its ok to masterbate” Now if you choose to contemplate the profound implications of that idea, you may see that much of the social/ sexual dysfunction so prevalent in our socierty stems, at least in part, from the guilt and internal conflict incurred from internalizing the church’s stated position on masterbation while continuing in that behavior. The shame, guilt and condemnation, from both the individual himself and society, much less God himself, resulting from a completely natural behavior that has be socially redefined as sinful is destructive and progressively damaging. It’s chilling to think of some of the concepts we are willing to accept and internalize in order to conform to what we are told/taught to be normal and correct, despite the obvious damage it incurs to do so.

guy January 28, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Another thing! Porn creates beta males? Ok..interesting concept… Perhaps our society does that all on its own as it gradually diminishes the populations ability to react and respond in any manner other than passivjty. Another more optimistic interpretation might be that as a whole maybe we’re moving beyond the stage where we need alpha/beta differentiations. From a cynical perspective, perhaps “alpha” simply stands for Another Lonely Prospective Husband / Antinomian…who’s to say. Personally, the idea that porn’s to blame seems a bit far fetched. Sure, it teaches men to objectify women if they are incapable of distinguishing fantasy from reality, but much of our media saturation accomplishes that without the need for a xxx rating.

Mike Russel March 24, 2013 at 7:46 pm

I have to tell you, for all the years I’ve watched nasty shit on the web, it never slowed down my passion. I don’t know if porn makes someone “beta” or not, I do know that it’s improved my standards when looking for women.

Mike

Karl July 13, 2013 at 1:14 pm

What a load of Balls,this guy talks out of he’s backside,the reason porn does so well is because there’s a lot of single men in the world that can’t get a girlfriend or sexual partner,you make it sound as though men choose porn because it’s easy,but the real reason is it’s all they can get,with equality women call the shots a lot of the time and are very fussy and very few will take pity on a man that earns less then them,despite women want equality they won’t support men they way men supported women for hundreds of years,oh know they want their cake and to eat it,most men that view porn are either adolescents or ugly older unwanted men like myself as porn is the only release other than prostitution which in my country gives you a nice stiff prison sentence if caught.

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