Is Sending Flowers to a Girl Seductive?

by Matt Savage

Photo Credit: Bernat Casero

This is part of a new series called, “Dueling Seduction Bloggers.” One controversial topic, two competing perspectives.

It’s a tradition that has spanned centuries and has been symbolized in many cultures as being the ultimate romantic gesture, that of giving flowers to a woman. However, in this age of rising skepticism and declining chivalry, the act of sending flowers to a girl has raised some debate amongst many in the world of dating. Of course, there are those that still wholly support this tradition and those that have written it off as a symbolic artifact.

So what is right? Is sending flowers to a girl still attractive? To help gain some perspective, I present to you, the dueling bloggers:

Advantages of Sending Flowers To a Woman

by Anthony of FlowerDelivery.net

Most girls really don’t know what they want. Even when they think they do it’s always left up to the man that sweeps them off with spontaneity and special little surprises that ends up with the winning hand. Because women really don’t want you to follow any guidelines on how to care of their needs, and they really don’t want you to try to be something that you’re not. Women want you to make it happen. And just like many other things in life, whether it’s business, life decisions, or in this case women – making it happen is what a man is supposed to do.

A lot of people think flowers are outdated, or too old-fashioned, and it is true that you can’t just pull a simple flower delivery out of no where and expect to make progress with a woman. As a matter of fact it’s probably a good way to halt any good vibes that have been taking place. After all it is not the flowers that make the man but the man that makes the flowers. No matter who you are or who you are trying to secure being with, giving the gift of some nice flowers needs to happen at least once no matter how you end up doing it, and there are a hundred and ten different reasons for that. Here are a couple.

The Movies

From the first day a little girl ever watches a romantic movie to the first day she begins dating, the simple idea that a man cares for her if he gives her flowers has been planted in her mind approximately 1 billion times through media avenues like television, magazines, the internet, and movies. Every girl in the world has dreamed about the romantic scene in the movies where the red rose pedals lead to the bed where all the magic takes place. And every girl wishes that it happens at least once – you just have to be sure your not over doing it. Remember: Flowers enhance, not repair.

Creativity

Nothing is less effective then sending flowers when a woman is already expecting them. But nothing is more effective then sending them when they don’t. Being spontaneous and creative is the key. If you do it at the right moment, the simple fact that you have gone out of your way to please her can be a huge bonus, but at the wrong moment it can be a terrible crutch. You should think about sending flowers when you’re in trouble, after your first great experience, and of course the whole Valentine’s day and birthday thing is always a good idea. Woman also love when you send flowers to their office. They feel like the luckiest woman on earth when you do so! These few scenarios are always a good way to to keep the old tradition going but to make an old tradition new and exciting you have to be creative – send them when they’re least expecting!

Real seductiveness is about getting creative in a way that truly pleases the mind, body, and soul. Honesty and good intentions are really what everybody wants. Giving flowers is all about planting seeds, and more men have been seductive doing this simple nice gesture in all of the years that it has been done than in any other way.

Photo Credit: TXphotoblog

Disadvantages of Sending a Girl Flowers

by Matt Savage

Years ago, many of my colleagues were attractive females in their mid to late 20s, all on the verge of finding that one special guy to settle down with, get married and have a litter of babies. And that dream was never more apparent when a flower delivery guy would show up and all the girls swooned to the recipient’s office to ask in unison, “Who are they from?” Indeed, “who” being the one crucial question and for good reason.

One day, a cute red headed copywriter in the next office received a giant arrangement of flowers from a secret admirer. This created quite a bit of speculation amongst the office hens over the following days as to who the admirer was. The popular candidate being the dashingly hunky alpha male security guard downstairs. Well, I just happened to know the truth; that the flowers actually came from a male colleague who was a lonely heart nice guy in his 40s, overweight, awkward and desperately in love. When he finally revealed himself, he was crushed; she gave him the “Let’s just be friends,” talk and proceeded to date the hunky security guard a few weeks later.

Though Hollywood has indeed pummeled the images of romanticism and the act of giving flowers into the minds of every woman since the inception of television, those images are always of the protagonist hero male and never the nerdy side kick. Truth be told, flowers are not a seed to begin the process of sweeping a girl off her feet, they are a mere byproduct of the fairy tale prince. Flowers do nothing for a man unless he has game, unless he has the ingrained fundamentals of attraction and seduction, which leads me to my next caveat.

If a man can gain attraction without sending flowers, then what’s the point? Perhaps this romantic spontaneous act of supplication isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. I would even argue that it’s really more an act of a desperate needy man who’s only dating strategy is to put his girl on a giant pedestal, showering her with flowers, and praying to get lucky. We have seen this particular gambit fail many times as it is continuously perpetuated by an army of nice guys.

And is sending flowers really all that creative and spontaneous? Not really, not when any man can simply dole out a wad of cash at his corner florist in the hopes of buying some affection. It’s the easy way out when there are far more alternative ideas for seducing women than this particular last ditch attempt.

In the end, who are you going to trust, Hollywood or natural biological human instinct? Hollywood has it’s money on the beta males, but I have mine on the Alphas.

So there you have it folks, a worthy debate for the modern age of courtship.

What are your thoughts, opinions and stories on the topic of sending flowers to a woman, which is right?

{ 21 comments }

sestamibi October 27, 2010 at 11:23 am

The 40′s overweight, awkward niceguy is lucky he wasn’t brought up on charges of sexual harassment. In our Junior Anti-Sex League culture today, anyone other than an alpha male as defined by the feminocracy can suffer loss of job and even jail time just for his desire.

Thathmew October 27, 2010 at 11:47 am

Flowers are great if used as a positive, random, intermittent reinforcement, i.e. the skinner box effect. Randomly and unexpectedly is key. But as the columnist’s note, this is for reinforcement, i.e. it can strengthen a woman’s ties to you, but they’re not very good for creating new ties. An exception can be a small token flower or single rose if its completely unexpected on a early-ish date after you’ve already communicated that you think flowers are really pointless, old-fashioned, and a waste of money. The old push-pull.

Alex Fairfield October 27, 2010 at 1:00 pm

The variable reinforcement schedule has indeed been shown to be far more powerful as a control mechanism than the consistent delivery of a food pellet to the rat. In fact, as Thathmew probably knows the rat who gets a pellet every time she goes to the whole suffers from “exhaustion.”

Jennifer October 27, 2010 at 1:33 pm

This says it all, Matt “Flowers do nothing for a man unless he has game, unless he has the ingrained fundamentals of attraction and seduction, which leads me to my next caveat. If a man can gain attraction without sending flowers, then what’s the point?

I would even argue that it’s really more an act of a desperate needy man who’s only dating strategy is to put his girl on a giant pedestal, showering her with flowers, and praying to get lucky. ”

I couldn’t agree more.

The only men who have ever sent me flowers are:

A guy who was ACHING to get out of the friend zone and get somewhere with me. Thus, he sent me a GORGEOUS arrangement of purple roses. I was disappointed. I thought they were from my asshole boyfriend who the friend was trying to steal me away from. Then, I had to hide the flowers because the boyfriend was insane jealous and would have spazzed if he knew about them.

A guy brought them to me when I was sicker than death and I had an insane crush on him. I never figured out why he brought them, since he wasn’t interested in dating me. Confusing.

My ex-husband. At the time, I thought it was SO nice. Looking back, I really think he did it out of guilt and/or to make himself look better. Just like the other fantastic gifts he gave me…because he had his eye on another woman.

A (girl) friend of mine following a deep, emotional conversation about her pending divorce. She sent them as a thank-you gesture and the entire office was up in arms about who they were from.

I really wish that I could say that sending flowers would send me off into swoon-land where I’d call all my girlfriends shrieking in delight over the sweet gesture…. but I can’t. I absolutely LOVE flowers, but it’s so hard to send the right “message” with them without coming across as “I’m sorry, I screwed up” or “I’m desperate, please pay attention to me.”

It’s a shame that I can’t appreciate them for the so-called romantic gesture they are. In fact, I’d be more impressed if they knew what I liked on my pizza and ordered it before I got to their house – and had my favorite beer. They would get much further.

dadshouse October 28, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Girlfriends LOVE when I send them flowers, especially if the flowers arrive at their work and get to be shown off. Flowers aren’t necessarily about gaining attraction. They are about acknowledging that she loves them, finds them beautiful, enjoys them on her own feminine terms. That is the point.

A10tiongrabber November 1, 2010 at 4:51 pm

With so many movies, novels, etc. showing how one man sweeps a woman’s feet with a bunch of flowers, such an act is already expected. Sorry folks BUT it’s not gonna work.

After all, you’re not in a movie where everything is scripted.

Also, it’s like saying – “Ok, I’m not interesting. I’m not confident. I’m not attractive…BUT I have this bouquet of flowers to make up for my AFC-ness.”

Bottom line: Big NO-NO!

(Unless you are married with her. Still, you’re better off finding MORE creative ways of surprising her.)

angie November 6, 2010 at 11:51 am

When I’ve gotten flowers, my first thought is always, “What a waste of money — they’ll be dead in a week.” I think they’re impersonal and show absolutely no creativity. I’d rather be taken on a hike and look at wildflowers, or go to the botanical gardens and share an experience, not look at something on my table for a few days.

(Also, Anthony from the flower shop, it’s “petal” not “pedal.”)

Alex Fairfield November 8, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Ah Angie, what a free thinker!

anthony November 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

Thanks Angie,

All of you that think getting girls flowers shows weakness are missing the boat. If you cannot give a girl flowers without feeling weak, then yes it is a definite big no-no.

If this is the case, then you need to take a step back and see who it is you are actually dating because if the girl thinks you are weak for giving her flowers, then you definitely shouldn’t be giving that girl flowers.

Flowers can be very creative. It’s not about the flowers. It’s about the delivery. What can you do to make old things new?

I like the wild flower hunt Idea.

Yes flowers die, just like everything else in the world. That’s one of the beauty’s of it. You have to take care of them.

Done the right way, nothing can be more romantic then sending some flowers that are going to sit on her Kitchen table for a while and be a reminder of you everytime she looks at them.

Anyways, I hope you guy’s can understand what I am saying. It’s NOT about the flowers. It’s the concept. And sheesh, who doesn’t like to smell fresh flowers?

Emma November 16, 2010 at 5:30 am

You can never go wrong with flowers. Every girl like them…unless she doesn’t like you…

Vincent Ignatius November 18, 2010 at 7:32 am

If you cannot give a girl flowers without feeling weak, then yes it is a definite big no-no.

Anthony gets it. I only give flowers from a place of higher power. I’m not trying to win a girl over, I’m displaying magnanimity. This has been my philosophy on giving flowers even before I knew what game was.

A guy brought them to me when I was sicker than death and I had an insane crush on him. I never figured out why he brought them, since he wasn’t interested in dating me. Confusing.

It’s called being nice. Sometimes men do it when they’re not trying to get in your pants. Unfortunately, most beta males are only nice when they’re trying to bang a girl, so alphas get into trouble when they’re nice to a girl whom they have no romantic interest in. I’ve stopped being nice to most unattractive girls because of this.

Mark November 24, 2010 at 9:17 pm

It comes down to intention. If you’re doing it because you’re needy and desperate for attention/affection, then you’re shooting yourself in the foot. If you do it out of appreciation and it’s done in an acceptable context, then it’s fine.

Randomly sending flowers to a long-term girlfriend is a clutch move as well.

Cailin December 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Fully agree with Mark. As noted above, flowers are a massive mistake if you try the whole “ooh, who sent them?” thing. But, randomly sending flowers to a long-term GF as Mark noted is absolutely a clutch move (you never know what she’s already thinking about at that point… and how that might steer the course of your relationship). When other men are trying to steal us away, they often say things like, “But when was the last time he really made you happy?” If you’ve recently sent a surprise, random bouquet of flowers, the last time is easy to remember.

I also think at the right point in the beginnings of a relationship, flowers aren’t necessary but A flower works VERY well. What do I mean? (No men do this, and it’s so brilliant it’s amazing.) No elaborate flower arrangement – just a single rose in a slim vase, with a card that says “Quality over quantity – [Name]“. Intriguing, sexy, romantic – but not too sappy. If she calls you and wants to know what the fuck that means, you can subtly insinuate that she represents quality and the harems of wanton harlots in your little black book represent quantity, but I really don’t think it needs explanation – just tell her to “think about it and get back to me when you figure it out”.

The smallest, weirdest arrangements will work best. We like the idea of an anti-classic romance, because it implies a deeper connection than what tradition and cliche have to offer (even if no such connection exists yet). Watch Love Story and then ask 20 women about the movie. We love it, because it’s not the romance you expect. They insult each other the whole movie and yet it’s clear he appreciates her. Brilliant.

Steve December 5, 2010 at 1:29 am

“Nothing is less effective then sending flowers when a woman is already expecting them”

Which makes me wonder about Valentine’s day, flowers or not. Compulsory romance day? I mean you already have an anniversary, right?

Cailin December 8, 2010 at 11:21 am

Steve – Valentine’s Day is like an anniversary for couples who haven’t been together a year. I’m sure a woman helped to invent its current meaning. :P

Kelly August 26, 2011 at 11:59 am

Sending flowers can be as simple as having an intent to express admiration to someone and also having the desire to make the recipient feel special. Isn’t that what all females want intrinsically? If we are not speaking in the context of gaining a romantic relationship for a moment, is this simplistic notion of self-expression become inappropriate and obsolete in this day/age?
Now, in today’s world which are increasingly complex coupled with rising skepticism and decling chivalry as Matt emphasized, we can all think twice before making this simple gesture gentlemen.

Komlan January 11, 2012 at 1:43 am

Kelly you are right on points. Your use of years are amazing,

Komlan January 11, 2012 at 1:44 am

oops. I meant Kelly, you are right on point. Your use of words is a very powerful one.

Anne January 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Pretty much every woman I know, including myself, enjoys getting flowers. If they are given as a romantic gesture, then it is best that they are used to reinforce a bond, not to initiate one – the latter may very well result in hurt feelings. If your date is cooking you dinner, show up with a bottle of wine AND flowers. She’ll love it. I have even given flowers to boyfriends – its unexpected and they like it.

If you think flowers are a of waste of money then consider this example: An ex-boyfriend of mine used to sneak around the neighborhood at night and pick flowers from people’s yards then leave them for me in the morning. The thought of him sneaking through yards trying not to get caught was really great. When he was in the hospital recovering from surgery, I showed up with a bunch of ‘stolen’ flowers for him. He loved it.

Bottom line, most women I know enjoy romantic gestures from the men that they are involved with, be it early in the relationship or after 15 years together. And if the person you are with is not appreciative of your romantic gestures or impulses, then maybe they aren’t the right person for you.

Mike Russel March 25, 2013 at 2:19 pm

Flowers are never good as a way of showing your love. Flowers are for reinforcing your already established feelings she has for you. They are an enhancement, not a replacement, not a communications tool. They are decoration. Period.

Flowers are a gift like chocolates but aren’t fattening, only last a week and in my opinion the weak ones sue these crutches unless they are part of a planned and continued campaign,

SJ September 14, 2013 at 6:07 am

Receiving flowers is confusing…I just received a bunch of flowers from my boss. Not sure what to make of it?? Any ideas?…….

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