I can’t believe I just did that. I was bamboozled. There must be a way out. I grab for the receipt out of my back pocket and slowly read over the fine print… dammit, “no refunds.” Shiiiit…
As I lay my head back in utter disgust, the view of the five beauty products lingers in the corner of my eye. I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of buyers remorse. I let out a deep sigh and grab for the nearest bottle to examine it’s contents.
It’s a small crystal like potion bottle that reads, “Dead Sea Minerals: Eye Serum.” Ughh, I can’t believe I fell for this. If it wasn’t for that persuasive busty beauty and her seductive French accent, I’d still have an extra $350 in my bank account right now.
I reach and grab another. This one is large, purple and claims to be some type of milk cleanser and moisturizer for men. Another is a white facial moisturizer which apparently should be applied after the purple stuff. This makes no sense to me.
Yet another product is simply called “Skin Peeler.” Oh shit, what the hell did I get myself into? Skin Peeler, seriously?! I’m a man, this type of stuff shouldn’t even be in my house, let alone three hundred and fifty dollars worth. Do you know how much beer I could have bought with that money?
I won’t lie, I am interested in moisturizers for men, since I do like to retain my boyish good looks. And so far, my current regiment has served me well: a simple face wash with an oil free cleanser followed by a slathering of Aloe Vera gel, all for less than twenty bucks at the local CVS. Despite my age of 31 years, I still regularly get confused for a young college guy. So to say the least, I probably didn’t need to spring for any advanced skin care treatments.
Well, there’s no use worrying about it now. The deed is done. Lets try some of this goop and see if my face falls off, eh?
I shuffle into the bathroom with my expensive skin care products and carefully lay them out in order of their designated stage of the “skin care system.” I can’t help but think this is going to be a timely routine; it’s no wonder women spend so much time in the bathroom.
I start with the scarily named skin peeler which upon opening appears to be a gelatinous form of Goldschlager. I put a few dabs on my hands and begin rubbing it in circles all over my face as instructed. After several seconds, small dirty globs of what I presume is dead skin begin to appear. I splash my face with water to clean the residue off and examine myself in the mirror. Holy crap, it actually looks a lot better! I just hope that I didn’t give myself face cancer…
No turning back now. On to the purple cleanser and white creamy moisturizer for men. I apply the purple stuff, rub it around and it just feels greasy, so I wipe it off. I then apply the white moisturizer which isn’t bad, it feels… well, moist. It looks good in the mirror but I already know that my $3.99 bottle of Aloe Vera could have done the same thing. Sigh.
Next up is the eye serum. This one intrigues me the most and it’s also the one that I hope to work. You see, because I work in front of a computer, I tend to get those dark circles under my eyes, which I don’t find flattering. I slowly rub the gel under my eye being careful not to get any in the eye. Examining the results, I’m not sure if there is much of difference, however, this product is meant to work over a longer period of time, so it’s hard to say what the results will be.
There’s one more product. It’s one of those mud type facial masks. The French beautician threw it in as a free gift because I was such a swell guy. However, I won’t be trying this tonight as it seems like a whole evening’s worth of self pampering which frankly I don’t have time for right now.
I’ll likely continue to use my new system of moisturizer for men, especially since it cost so much, I might as well use every last drop.
Just out of curiosity, what do you guys and gals out there use for skin care?