When a Girl Says She Likes Nerdy Nice Guys…

by Matt Savage

Being on the Internet, we often finds ourselves consumed in red hot debates over topics which make a lot of assumptions. When non-agreed upon assumptions are made by multiple parties, then it’s no surprise that completely different one-sided conversations are taking place. A good example of this is when males and females discuss various view points on dating and relationships. Of course, one of my favorite one-sided debates is when discussing the difficulties of nice guys.

When a girl says she likes nerdy nice guys, what she really means is a guy with some minor nerd like characteristics yet has his shit together. For example, perhaps he plays a lot video games or tinkers with computers, but he’s also a decent looking guy who cleans up well. He could also be a really good provider and a down to earth family man, just the right type of guy that women will go for after slutting themselves out in their early twenties. There’s a reason that nice guys finish last, it’s because they’re the safe bet when the biological time bomb starts ticking, so long as he doesn’t dress like Tron.

Now here’s the thing, most guys will be thinking that they just have to clean themselves up and go for the good looking but slightly nerdy style and I’ll get the chicks, right? The problem is that this look is still coming from a place of the boring status quo and unless you take the ‘Geek Chic’ look to an extreme then you’re still just an average Joe.

I’ve been looking into a lot of Brad P’s stuff lately and recently bought his Fashion Bible which is quite eye opening so far. However, one of his big concepts that he talks about is “sexy stereotyping.”

Sexy Stereotyping assumes that when women first meet a man, there is an automatic and unconscious judgment taking place which stereotype that man within seconds. These judgments are based on external appearances. It’s not to say that a guy can’t attract women with his personality but it makes the process so much easier when your external appearance is automatically communicating that you are a high value man.

It’s for the above reasons that I’ll be doing a bit of a self makeover for the summer. Not that my style right now isn’t good; it’s light years better than my college days. Can you believe that I used to go out to the bars wearing used running sneakers, loose fitting baggy jeans and a white Fruit of the Loom T-Shirt? I know, it’s no wonder why I never got laid in college, sheesh!

Anyhow, my next series of posts will document my current fashion makeover using Brad P’s sexy stereotyping concepts and will also do a more formal review of his Fashion Bible for those interested.

{ 25 comments }

Assanova May 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

I love this post. It’s kind of like when women say that they love dominant men and guys take it as men who grope women, say extremely vulgar things, and treat women like crap.

Jamila May 30, 2010 at 4:08 pm

When a girl says she likes nerdy nice guys, what she really means is a guy with some minor nerd like characteristics yet has his shit together.

BINGO!!

I do like nerdy guys but I take ‘nerdy’ to mean ‘very intelligent’. It could be that the guy specializes in one area–such as being a real techie–or maybe he just knows a little about alot and seems to be able to have a decent conversation on just about any topic.

Vincent Ignatius May 31, 2010 at 1:30 am

The pictures are priceless. I’m looking forward to your review of the Fashion Bible. I feel like I have my act together in that department, though I have started slacking a bit.

As far as the nerdiness goes, I got it, but I don’t look even 1/10 as nerdy as I am so it probably does nothing for me w.r.t. chicks.

Vincent Ng- Conversation Arts May 31, 2010 at 5:38 pm

I think dressing up is important. We talk about stereotyping and how first impressions make a difference. When I was writing my ebook I was thinking what’s the best way to really get people to understand that looks do matter in attraction and social environments.

And it’s simple, dress like a homeless person for a day and see how much change you can get for a phone. And then dress in a business suit and see what happens.

But with any look, moderation is key.

Shedcat June 1, 2010 at 11:58 pm

Being a nerdy guy, I find that when girls say they like nerdy guys what they mean is that they like guys who are 1% nerd. Or, to put it another way, guys who are nerdy when she is not around. I say one thing, even just what my major is, and the faces of these girls glazes over and they lose interest unless the conversation switches rapidly.

Playa The Pick-Up Artist June 3, 2010 at 10:00 am

You are so right about that, some guys think being a nerd is comic books and star wars, while a girl thinks eccentric and successful!

Brandon July 11, 2010 at 11:23 am

Good article Matt. My style is more of a indie/emo/rock style because that’s the way the bands that I enjoy listening to dress (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XAnt2RUlrrw/SwMOCypYdyI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/s3Fb2_D0sOM/s1600/youngguns.jpg) and it matches my personality. I think it’s important to dress to match your personality, but by that I mean dressing to match the best part of it. I honestly don’t think I could pull off dressing like a hip-hop or a dance music guy because it doesn’t reflect my personality so I think it would come off to others as seeming a bit fake.

pillowchats July 22, 2010 at 4:11 pm

That is exactly it. But let’s face it, there are not a whole lot of Steve Erkel type nerds out there. Most guys are a bit awkward but they are not bad looking and are a good fixer upper candidate (BTW, don’t expect a lot of girls to fix you up -> http://bit.ly/d0BEAb)

Basically, it’s no different than a guy saying “I want a nice girl” but what he really means is a hot girl who is super sweet and smart.

Preston Blain January 25, 2011 at 5:36 am

I have always had nerd like tendencies. I can’t resist a go on the computer especially at the moment with Assassin’s Creed 2 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Plus I love to learn and perform magic. Mainly card magic which makes it slightly more nerdy.

However I balance that with going to the gym 3-4 times a week, watching UFC and riding my motorbike. I suppose with everything in life having a balance is not a bad route to follow.

Btw when I read the title it made me think of this future chick magnet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPPj6viIBmU . If you get the chance check out the ‘Drunken Jedi’ version :-)

Nate February 23, 2011 at 7:57 pm

I would say that yes, women go for appearances. It’s innate and part of the courting process. Stereotype means that they have a preset idea of what “nerdy nice” looks like. If it were a recipe though, “nerdy nice” is more a seasoning and not exactly the dish theme.

ht9 April 19, 2011 at 10:37 am

Nate February 23, 2011 at 7:57 pm
” I would say that yes, women go for appearances. ”

Girls do… Women don’t.

I mean there’s obviously limits… but if you’re even semi-attractive you could get a good looking Woman.

Women are simply not as shallow as Men are when it comes to looks.

Phoebs May 9, 2011 at 5:32 am

However, some girls happen to be rather nerdy themselves – Star Wars in particular was the first series I knew practically off-by-heart, and this was when I was four.
We aren’t all judgemental snobs, guys! “Nerdy-Nice” is totally subjective, and totally depends on the girl who’s doing the searching. If the girl’s a bit nerdy too – ie. taking Physics, Star Wars fan, etc etc, it totally changes the scenario.

Marvin May 10, 2011 at 3:17 am

“Can you believe that I used to go out to the bars wearing used running sneakers, loose fitting baggy jeans and a white Fruit of the Loom T-Shirt? I know, it’s no wonder why I never got laid in college, sheesh!”

LOL. This is pretty much my perennial wardrobe, no lie.

Nick June 17, 2011 at 2:16 pm

A lot of guys get upset when they act as the super nerdy guy or pure friend and then assume that girls only want jerks. It’s not that they want jerks, it’s that they like some of the qualities they posses. Things like confidence, showing their intentions, sexuality, etc.

You can still be the nerdy guy and be great with women — they aren’t mutually exclusive.

michelle October 3, 2011 at 8:43 pm

that 1st image is the funniest damn thing i have seen in a long time.

michelle October 3, 2011 at 8:44 pm

also, nick is totally right.

Deanna October 9, 2011 at 9:20 am

I am the most popular girl in my high school, and all the no brain, all musical boys like me. I mean yeah their HOT but all they want is one thing (sex) and i’m never dating another matserbating porn freak again! Any ever since a was little like 7 i’ve always thought that nerds, geeks whatever you want to call them are SO HOT!!! Yet every time I try to talk to them, they freak out. They can’t say a word to me. I have always been nice and stood up for girl and boy nerds.
I’m graduating this upcoming year. And when I say I love nerds, i’m not talking about the type of nerd that lives with his parents when he’s an adult, and dresses up for like sci-fi conventions.
I’m talking about they type of nerd that is sweet, intelligent, loves being his nerdy self, and not stuck up, and can hold a conversation without practically dying on the inside. And likes a girl for her and not just because she either hot, or completely smart. And the he’s fine with somewhere in between.

isomorphismes October 12, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Hilarious photo. A lot of guys think they can “have no appearance”, that just wearing middle-of-the-road Whatever they will blend in and be able to show only their personality.

But just as straight guys judge straight girls on looks, straight girls are judging straight guys on looks too. I don’t know if it’s “high value” vs “low value” — I think it’s more “pick A STYLE” — be more distinctive than Nada.

isomorphismes October 12, 2011 at 8:09 pm

By the way, that kid’s Captain Nintendo costume is AWESOME.

axt113 January 29, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Basicaly the girls want Hollywood nerds, not real nerds

Elisabeth February 18, 2012 at 2:09 am

I disagree with the above statement. What I want is an attractive man who shares similar interests as me(i.e. Comic books, Sci-fi shows, novels). Is it a small percent? Yeah. Just like I’m a small percent of female nerds.
Before HS, I was a fat, braces-wearing, glasses-sporting kid. But I decided to change that and start taking care of my appearance WHA-BAM! I had something to flaunt for once(I still wear glasses at times though). If I can get my “shit together” I deserve a guy who can do the same.
You don’t have to have a completely gorgeous angel face. You can make it up with taking care of your body or dressing appropriate so you look good.

bobo March 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

when i say i like nerdy guys, i really mean nerdy guys. they dont even really have to be really smart. i just like tall, skinny(not strong looking or buff, i hate that) nerdy glasses, dresses somewhat nice, and they smell good.

dp March 29, 2012 at 9:01 am

Since I am a geek, and I am not grossly overweight or have bad complexion, I can tell you what this blog actually means. When she says she likes “nerds,geeks”, what she means is, she wants someone who is going to be, or is already making good money. I have dated many women who say they like “my style”, but what they really liked is that I always had money to do fun things, like traveling, nice places to eat, etc. Some women here say that they want a geek, cause they “have their stuff together”…ie we have cash to spend on them.

Now, I don’t even bother dating – I have realized that it’s going to be very hard to meet someone who is nice, genuine, and enjoys your company, even if you are broke. Although I am not broke, I will never try and maintain a relationship with someone that just see’s me as a meal ticket. It took me 10 years, a finance, and two other gold diggers, to come to this conclusion. Good luck geeks/nerds….don’t fall for someone that seems* to good to be true for you, cause they probably are – you have been warned.

annonymous July 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

And once agin the enygma of the female mind

John March 9, 2013 at 7:08 am

I just discovered this article. I’m 20 and never kissed. I went to a nerdy high school and didn’t see why girls thought I was too nerdy even though they said they wanted nerds… but this clears things up. I wish people could say what they mean.

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