For many men height can be an issue and being a short guy tends to cause those men to have a lot of hang-ups in life. You see, the self-esteem issues of being short for a male is like being over overweight for a female. The only difference is that while weight can be lost, our height is permanent.
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this on the blog before but I’m 5 foot 4 inches, so I think I’m qualified to talk about this. And though I don’t have any secrets of short guy seduction or magical words of wisdom, I would like to posit some observations I’ve made as it pertains to this issue.
1. Don’t Take Your Height for Granted, It Could Be Worse
It used to piss me off when guys who were 5’8 or even 5’6 would complain on public forums about how tough they had it. Of course, being a shorter guy, I’d resent them and say, “Dude, if only I were that tall I’d be cleaning up.” Then some other guy who was even shorter would chime in and bitch me out for complaining.
As much as you complain about how you have it tough, just remember that there is always someone shorter than you who wishes he were in your position. Unless you’re Verne Troyer you shouldn’t complain. By the way, Verne Troyer gets laid like a rock star.
2. Take Advantage of Accessories
I have a pair of platform shoes. It took me a long time to find a pair that was stylish and could easily integrate into my wardrobe but it was well worth it. Not only do they look good and get a lot of compliments, but they boost my height by about two and a half inches. Two and a half inches may not seem like much but it does wonders for your confidence, which is what really matters.
Women wear high heals to improve their looks, why can’t we?
3. Forget About the Minor Bullshit and Open Your Eyes
I was in a local bar the other night when my dream girl walked in. I’ve seen her around town before and have even talked to her on a few occasions. She’s incredibly attractive and a really cool person, the whole package. I’m not sure why I never pursued her, perhaps I still have some underlying confidence issues.
Her boyfriend came into the bar that night and what I saw was a shock to my system. The boyfriend was the spitting image of myself, we could have been twins! Same height, looks, body type; the only difference between us was that he was overflowing with confidence and machismo. Shit, that could have easily been me with this amazing girl.
Sometimes we don’t realize what’s possible until we see it happen. Sometimes we are Neil…
GEORGE: Some guy. Some guy? Neil! I have got to find out how he could get a girl like Danielle.
JERRY: George, you’ve got Danielle. Forget about Neil. You’ve out-Neiled him.
GEORGE: So, I’m Neil? How did I do that?
JERRY: I don’t know, but you better keep it up.
GEORGE: I’m gonna go meet Danielle. There’s a new Neil in
town!
4. Flying Under The Radar
On another night, I had been hitting on a cute girl when a shorter friend of mine (5’2″) swooped in and stole her out from under my nose. He took her home that night before I had even realized what happened. Ironically, I had swooped in and stole her away from a six foot tall giant earlier in the night.
The shorter the guy, the easier it is to fly under the radar.
5. Short and Athletic Trumps Tall, Fat and Frumpy
Another time, I observed a short but athletic guy come into the bar with his girlfriend. He couldn’t have been more than 5’3, yet he was built like a bulldog. She towered over him by about six inches and could have easily been a model for the Suicide Girls.
Later, I asked him how he got such an attractive girlfriend and his response:
“You gotta hit the gym man; take care of your body and the girls will take care of you.”
6. The Average Woman is Shorter Than the Average Man
It’s true that women tend to be attracted to taller men. Here’s the thing, taller doesn’t always mean six feet, it’s more of a relative term compared to the woman.
It’s also true that women on average are shorter than men on average. This means that it’s highly likely there is a whole population of cute shorter women waiting for you.
As short as you are, you will always be taller relative to your shorter female counterparts.
7. Life Is Not Fair, Deal With It
Just because you get dealt a bad hand in the gene pool doesn’t mean you can fold your cards and wait for the next hand. There is no next hand. You can only work with the cards you’ve been dealt. Yes, you’ll have to work harder, but so what, what else could you possibly do?
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So there you go, just a few thoughts on dating for short guys. I’d love to get some opinions on this topic from both male and female readers, particularly:
If there are any short men out there who have had a lot of success in the dating game, please share your stories.
If there are any tall women who date or are in a relationship with a short man, please let us know what attracted you to him.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Good post.
I’ve had at least two girls who are like five two express their preference for only dating men five ten or taller. Wow. So they’ll only date guys EIGHT inches taller than men or more? That’s absurd.
Anyway, I’ve figured out via trial and error that seven or eight inches is actually what a lot of girls look for height-differential-wise. You’re tall enough she can rest ther head on your shoulder and you can throw her around during sex, but the height difference doesn’t look weird.
So since I’m five seven, I usually aim at girls around five feet or so. I’ve had great success with this demographic, enough percentile-wise to make me think that height is a HUGE factor for girls, at least early on, and that you almost need to be a certain amount taller than her. I’m not saying it’s the alpha and omega, but all the girls who’ve been very physically attracted to me have been at least six or seven inches shorter. I don’t believe this is a coincidence.
However, I’m not complaining at all, because I enjoy very short girls as well. They have tiny, narrower vaginas on average and you can throw her around in sex. It works itself out.
Something else to remember: different countries’ populations have different average heights. When I lived in America, I wouldn’t say I was short, but I was definitely on the short side of average. After I moved to Israel, I noticed that my height here is just average. There, it was an uphill battle to attract girls of even average height. Here, my height only becomes an issue with tall girls.
If you’re short and an American, it doesn’t mean you have to be that way forever.
@Orin,
The eight inch differential sounds about right but that’s if you didn’t factor in other qualities. For instance, I think men with tight game and confidence can narrow that difference considerably. Most of the girls I’ve dated/hooked up with have mostly been within a couple of inches either way.
@Genius
Good point about different height averages in different countries. I actually got the numbers for my chart above from the following wikipedia page on average height around the world.
Clearly the best countries to be a short male is in the Asian or South American countries.
At 5’10″, I really can’t blame any of my game deficiencies on my height, but I can tell you that even at my height the grass is always greener. I know girls who follow the Rule of 6: they only date men who have a 6-pack, make 6 figures, and are over 6 feet tall. Many girls I’ve talked to, when asked what they look for in a guy, physically, say they want a tall guy first and foremost. If you go on match.com, you’ll see a lot of girls put up a height minimum at 5’9 or 5’10. Some of the taller and hotter girls require 6′. I think with online dating though, height become more important because A) you don’t have much info to go off of and B) everybody lies about their height online.
More attractive girls tend to be pickier about height, but then again, they’re pickier about everything (they can afford to be). But in addition to having more options, I have a theory as to why hotter girls may have more of a NEED for a taller guy. Its because they get more attention from men – both positive AND negative. So hotter girls have more of a need to feel protected than an uglier girl and this might be part of the reason why they prioritize height. Just a thought.
Another thing to remember is that a lot of height is psychological. Fitness, proportions and clothes can really alter how tall or short you appear. And attitude. It blew my mind when I found out Jim Carrey is is 6’2 because his persona is that of a dweeby nebbish. Likewise, I was surprised to hear that Brad Pitt is only average height – I think it’s because of his lean frame and leading man persona that I assumed him to be taller (he’s also a notorious lift-wearer).
Ya know, I used to be one of those girls hung up on height (I blame bad prom pics!) but a recent guy flipped that.
We’re both 5’7 but I tend to always wear heels (2 to 3 inch min) so he usually looks shorter than me, but like you said, his confidence made up for the height and made me open to a guy I would normally reject. I was worried about being able to be picked up and such, but he keeps his body in great shape so it was never an issue.
So, I guess what I’m saying is… Go for it guys! Matt hit it on the head when he said confidence and good body type are key!
Excellent post. I just stumbled across your blog by chance while reading another one – I saw the title and had to come by.
I am 5’2″ tall. I have never had any issues with my height at all, I couldn’t care less about it actually. I’ve never felt like I HAD to date tall men, but it seems that a lot of tall men were attracted to me, so it just happened that way. I never gave height that much thought until I was with a man for a very long time who was 6’4″ tall. To be quite honest, it was annoying after a while. He couldn’t fly comfortably on a plane (even in Economy Plus with extra legroom, it wasn’t enough – and we paid extra for it), he had to lay a specific way on the king size bed or his feet would hang off the end, finding jeans that were long enough was nearly impossible, he hit his head a countless number of times on a hanging light fixture in our home…along with him being tall he had the biggest freaking feet in the world (LOL) size 14 – and we had to pay outrageous amounts for shoes. The whole “fun” factor of him being tall wore off rather quickly… especially when the first thing everyone said about pictures of us was always “wow he’s tall!” Really? I hadn’t noticed that, thanks for pointing it out.
Before I was with him, I did date a couple of men who were shorter.. they ranged from 5’5″ to 5’9″ or so and then the rest were 6′ and over. The couple of men I did date who were on the shorter side really turned me off with the whole angry complex they had about their height. I’m not a man so I didn’t understand it, but your analogy about it being like women who are overweight makes sense. I tried my best to reassure them that height was never an issue and I hate wearing heels anyway, so I was always shorter than them… but it did nothing for them. I have to agree that confidence does go a very long way, especially with me. Confidence is sexy at any height.
On the flip side of this argument, I have 2 friends who are ridiculously hung-up on height. One is 5’9″ and the other is 5’7″ and they are forever saying “he’s cute, but he’s too short” and I feel offended for the guy. They are disqualifying him strictly based on looks. (I’m always willing to give him a chance though.. so it’s good for me!) I want to look at them sometimes and say “how would you feel if a man disqualified you because you’ve got a fat ass? Wouldn’t make you feel good, now would it?” They started in with calling me short and I gave them both the royal smackdown about it. I’m not going to listen to it. In fact, they anger me quite a bit acting like that… they’re the reason that short people have a complex about their height (or lack thereof) in the first place.
So, anyway…. I wanted to come by and post a comment and tell you I can relate. There ARE single women out there who won’t disqualify you based on height alone and you just have to find the right ones.
I am back in the dating pool now and I have to admit, I’d much rather have a shorter man than another tall pain in the ass who complains about his height too much! Also, may I just say… we’re all the same height in bed… so keep that in mind next time someone tries to complain about it
@ Orin…generally I find that short women don’t like dating short guys. Women not only consider the physical appearance of their boyfriend in an isolated context…they look at how the boyfriend and she will appear together, as a public team.
One short girl has told me that she doesn’t want to make a “short scene” in public with her equally short boyfriend. A tall man will compensate for her physical conspicuousness and deflect undue attention.
Im 5-6 asian american and have had beautiful woman as tall as 6 ft and as small as 5-2. It is true that most “hot” tall leggy women will not “see” me in a social gathering unless i stand out confidently in personality and looks. I have always made up for my height thru the sexual confidence Ive attained by utilizing my past experience with taller “out of my league” women.
Believe me there a plenty tall hotties with low self esteem, drunk, vulnerable, and sexually cavalier appetites for a short guy to hit! Been “sweeping up” taller babes all the time! You just have to make them feel small and special.
Hello Modern Savage-I’m 5’7-I an relate:
However I did have some good game the past few days.
For those in the know-one of the toughest places to game is a nude beach…
I just came hear to relax. About a dozen guys were surrounding the three hotties with their tops off. I wasn’t looking to sarge so I headed away from that little scene.
Outta nowhere a knockout blond came off the trail. I’m standing ankle deep in water buck naked. She looks my way and smiles. She keeps headin’ north. Well, she gave me a go signal and I’m on full game mode now. I wait a few moments and nonchalantly walk north past where she has gone into the water. I head back, she is wearing a blue bikini and exiting the water.
I say, “it’s nice hear, isn’t it.”
She answers back “yes.”
I catch an accent and ask where she’s from after we exchange names. She is Swiss and her name is Sahara. She is studying English in downtown sd. The chat is nice, goin’ a little slower than I’d like but the eye contact is good. She asks me about why I’m naked. The convo is going in a more amourous direction. I tell her it feels nice–and ask if she isn’t because she is shy. She says some things are private, then looks right at my privates and smiles again.
The sexual tension is imense. I’ve worked on my inner game and fully accepted my sexuality. A lesser man would be embarrassed. My body reacts in the most honest way. I sport a huge erection. She seems surprised. She says she’s going back to the coast. I don’t pursue…
I’m so hard it hurts. A lesser man would find a private spot and rubb one out. I let the cool water calm my engourged member down.
Later on, I catch up to her as we are walking up the trail. I smile and ask if she was embarassed by what happened. She giggles an says it’s okay. She heads towards the bus stop. I offer her a ride. She is a bit hesitant but accepts. We head downtown. I drop her off and jokingly say that she should buy me a coffee. She says howabout diner. We go to a nearby burrito shop. She has seen me naked and haven’t seen her yet. A lesser man might feel slighted by this imbalance in power but I use it to my advantage. I say, “You’ve seen me naked, you’ve seen an intimate side of me now tell me one of your secrets.”
Eye contact has been good at this point, but nothing physical yet. I am respecting her physical boundaries and letting her build trust. At this point I gently grab her hands and look into her eyes. She looks away but doesn’t pull away. She looks back and giggles.
“What is it?”
“I’m…..how do you say, virgin….”
“Really???”
“I’ve seen boys before but never, how do you say aroused…”
“How did it make you feel”
“It was beautiful” she states…
We finish our meal and she says she has got to get going.
I tell her that we should see each other again. I forge ahead a step further than most PUA’s as I don’t even have her digits. This is not a normal pickup as she has already seen me naked but I haven’t even kissed her yet. I know this move could get me shut out, but better to be shut out than play games that go nowhere. She gets the hint and pulls her phone from her purse. I enter my number into her phone and call my phone so I have her number in my phone.
We gently hug.
I get a call from her the next day. There’s a party and she wants me to come along. It’s a Thursday night. Those Europeans can drink and she is already buzzed. Unlike most PUA’s my best game is stone cold sober. I have about two drinks. She tells how we met to two beautiful french girls. They laugh and their body language is very flirtatious… The night is moving slowly for me. I met alott of different people from brazil, russia, spain…. I walk here back to her apt. She sloppily kisses me. We make a date for tommorrow.
Next day I take her to a movie. I’ve got a hook up so I don’t have to pay for tickets. We cuddly up. The physical contact is good. We wind up making out. She pushes my hands away when I touch her breasts–shut down. I’ll have to take things slower than I like. I walk her back to her apt. She says she would like to go back to the beach.
On Sat. we walk down the trail. We find a section that is mostly couples and mostly older. We set up I strip off all my clothes. Most the men are naked. Some of the women are fully covered, some topless and only a few are naked. Sahara stays in her bikini. We go into the water. We get back to our towels and lay down. I offer a massage and she accepts. I undo her bikini top. After the massage she lays down with her top undone for an hour. I say we should walk up the coast. he starts to put on her top. I tell her not to be shy and go topless.
She covers her breasts with her arm and I hold her other hand. We walk down the coast. As she is getting more relaxed her arm drops. Two drooling surfer guys walk past and stare. She gets a bit self concious and covers up. We walk back to the towels. I tell her that the sensation of being in the water naked is awesome. She tells me to look away. When ?I look back, she is totally naked. I say now we’ve both seen each other. We run to the water and splash each other.WE head back to the trail and I drive her top her place. She invites me in. She says she is going to shower and invites me to join her. I fianaly get to feel her pert b cups. We kiss fevershly. She looks at my engourged member with hungry eyes. Iguide her hands to my penis. She is hestiant at first I stroke myself a few times then she begins stroking. She is amazed when she sees me ejaculate against the shower wall. We talk afterwards and she says she has no plans to lose her virginity.
Any plans on how to make this happen is appreciated.
Sun. -was not able to see her due to obligations.
Hope to be the one she loses her virginity to.
This sounds… how do you say… apocryphal.
Thought I would stick with the Infinite Jest theme…and be the mangled and demented one : )
Anyway, something that has occurred to me before about dealing with height insecurity is age/status, probably because I’m still young, 21, and although quite capable of building a great future, currently broke and limited by that. I’m 5’4” for the record,
with big hair that gives me an extra inch — but the truth is I could easily still pass for an 18 year-old.
Up until college, I did really well with girls, I think partly on the strength of my personality/character and partly because I’m lucky enough to at least be handsome, but college was a huge drop off. I was respected by nearly everyone knew, had plenty of female friends, but always kind of “shrunk” in the face of my own personal problem: assuming all girls either dismissed me or could read my acquired insecurity like a book. I’ve recalled that people were shockingly more mature about finding a partner in high school than they are in college, because the thrill and novelty of being an ‘adult’ drives you into situations (bars, strangers’ parties, foreign countries) that do more to assimilate or expel you than define you.
But what I want to say is: it’s amazing how a person can be intelligent and confident in so many ways and yet fail when it comes to believing that they are desirable as a composite, fully fledged human being. I don’t know why I became hyper-conscious of my height when I did…possibly because a man’s bones fuse at my age and the idea of being at my final height is chilling. I mean, to be Old and Short: is that not the brutally terse self-image plaguing this ubiquitous middle-aged short man who feels indiscriminitely written off in so many hurtful ways that it’s best, or easiest, to just ignore it without ever accepting it for what it is? To skulk?
Now, I can speculate because I’m young and I retain my boyishness – which has its charms – for the time being. But then I think this is the kind of speculation that dooms us to become this haunted person and have to dig ourselves out after some damage has already been done. It’s too easy to get so self-involved in the working out of all kinds of scenarios and explanations for rejection and failure – past, present, future – that we lose the ability to be the least bit unassuming about things we actually know cannot just be assumed. My point isn’t to be overly cheery and say that a lot of things aren’t shallow and predictable – that our culture isn’t dismally comforting and numbing in its conventions – but on the other hand, if we can think of ourselves as, you know, fundamentally something other than a f*cking measurement or an object of opinion, then we might be more inclined to believe in ourselves. Too many people also do really, obnoxiously well to justify rotting in contempt.
Whoa. Well I guess I’ll just close with a paraphrase of Seinfeld’s line to George in the reunion episode on Curb: he basically says there are people to be met all over the place – on the bus, at the store, now online, wherever – and yet somehow all these people seem so self-absorbed and self-important that it’s impossible to ever make contact with them. Because, he says, strangers have a bad reputation. That’s funny, but I disagree. There’s no contact because we are what we rotely infer in others.
This post is very useful. Creative styles for short men will attract more girls. Most of the women would go for a guy who is attractive, confidence and self esteem than his height.
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