The above graph represents the results of the Attraction Triangle Game.
Essentially, the game is to pick two out of three signs of attraction in a potential mate at the expense of the other; with the outcome having three possible choices as listed below and shown in the Attraction Triangle:
- Good Looks and Emotional Stability, but NOT Intelligent
- Intelligent and Emotionally Stable, but NOT Good Looking
- Good Looking and Intelligent, but NOT Emotionally Stable
The point of this particular experiment was to find out which preferences in a mate that an average man or woman would prioritize over others. From here we could then infer all sorts of different theories on attraction and mate selection.
Of course, if one could have their way, a person would obviously choose to have the perfect mate, one that exhibits all of the best signs of attraction that could be possible. However, this game, and life in general will not always provide you with the best possible choice. Sometimes, in our dating and relationship lives we all have to make priorities in the various attraction qualities that we are willing to accept in a long term relationship.
Men’s Preferred Attraction Qualities in Women
There’s no doubt that men are visual creatures and the results of this survey only goes to prove that further with over 80% of the men choosing the two options that include “Good Looks.” As much as we’d like to think that ultimately looks don’t count in the long run, it is certainly a high priority for those men in the selection process. Though this shouldn’t be much of a surprise as we already know many of the biological reasons in which men would prefer looks over other qualities; it is simply in our DNA.
Also, it appears that many men are willing to forgo intelligence in favor of good looks and emotional stability. Basically, the average guy wants a woman who is attractive with little drama. Not too surprising.
Women’s Preferred Attraction Qualities in Men
What’s interesting is that even though both genders prefer emotional stability in their mates, the women had the complete opposite of men in terms of choosing intelligence over looks. With over 60% of women choosing intelligence and emotional stability, I think it’s safe to say that looks really aren’t that important for men; it’s really more about matters of intelligence, confidence, etc.
These results also seem to match up with evolutionary theory, in that women tend to focus on mate selection based on the ability to help in child rearing.
However, I tend to wonder what the results would be like if the survey wasn’t based on long term mate selection, but rather a short term “hook-up.” My guess is that their preferred signs of attraction would switch to “Good Looks and Intelligence,” but who knows. What do you guys think?
Sources and Data
Nervous that my data would be skewed, for whatever reason, towards those that read seduction and pick up artist blogs, I paid for a bunch of traffic from StumbleUpon to the survey in order to get more responses from average men and women.
You can view the data here for those of you that want to do your own number crunching. Note that results might be slightly different do to the fact that I am continuing to collect data for future use. Thus the charts in this post represent approximately the first 110 men and 110 women to respond.
What Do You Think of the Results?
So what do these results say about men? What about women? Let me know what you think in the comments below.
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This makes sense, as you say men are interested in looks, women are less interested looks, so choose intelligence. Both want emotional stability, who doesn’t?
What??? men prefer hot women. I just don’t believe it
I want a good looking women. I got to be physically attracted to a women to be interested. I would also rate emotional stability over intelligence just for the fact that if a girl ain’t emotionally stable it can make for a wild ride and not in a good way
. However saying that I want a girl to be intelligent as well.
I ain’t shallow. I just want looks and intelligence. Not too much to ask for is it?
.-= Preston Blain´s last blog ..How To Become A Bad Boy Women Will Love =-.
There are so many problems with this survey, but I’ll just mention the primary one – the “triangle” is different for women than it is for men. This is obvious from the women’s choices all being in one column. The real question is, what other attributes do women look for in men that effectively split the red smart/stable column?
I think it’s more like:
funny+smart+playful
kind+committed+thinks about you even when you’re not around
assertive+strong+respected+ambitious
The question is more about what three things do you so rarely find in one guy, at least stereotypically. Looks aren’t as important as assertiveness/strength, though I suppose they’re a component of that category. But if you have a facial scar from dueling in Heidelberg, supposedly you’re hot to a lot of chicks. A chick with a facial scar from anything, not so much to most guys.
Also, I think the ladies like intelligence, but really want it to be tied to a sense of humor, they want somebody who “gets” them and their jokes and conceits. No humorless nerd types, right? Less intellectual domineering, more laughing at the world together, in smart+funny ways.
Finally, it’s not emotional stability that they can’t seem to find (we’re men, they’re not even sure we have emotions). It’s kindness, some sort of commitment to caring for something outside ourselves, best evidenced by proof that you were thinking about them when they weren’t around – unexpected gifts, surprise nights out, doing things that they didn’t ask or hint that you should do, being considerate of them when they are around.
On another topic, while lots of guys want an emotionally stable girl. In my experience they are all pretty unstable, it’s their biology, so remember to take that as a relative thing. Personally I love the smart girls, cause stability is kind of a myth. Looks, I’ll take what I can get, but gimme a girl with some serious smarts, and enough confidence in herself not to have to prove it all the time, and I’m sold.
@Phil
Hi Phil,
Just wanted to give you my opinion on your comment from my own personal experience.
I have a facial scar and it doesn’t seem to make any difference in my ability to attract women. When I was more insecure about myself it did because it showed through to girls (probably through tiny unconscious ‘ticks’ in my body language) that I felt that having a facial scar was a problem.
But once I accepted myself the way I looked (and even learned to like looking that way) and stopped viewing it as a problem the girls didn’t care and I got treated the same as any other guy.
I think 50% of the battle is learning to like yourself because women seem to be able to tell if you don’t view yourself very highly.
.-= Brandon´s last blog ..Social Rockstar Tumblr Blog =-.
I agree with Phil that the triangle for women is different but I think it’s closer than people realize.
Men: attractiveness intelligence emotionally stable
Women: attractiveness intelligence emotionally responsive
Men look at women and think they’re these emotional nutjobs; women look at men and think they’re un-emotional rocks. In truth, both are right from the perspective of the other side. So, women expect a man to be more emotionally stable than them (easy) but then want him to be more emotionally responsive than most men (not easy).
So, we’ve now found the third leg of the triangle but we still have “social desirability” bias in Matt’s original survey — women are parroting what they think they’re supposed to say. Men are too. Men claim to want a hot girl but ugly girls get laid a lot. Women claim to want intelligent and sensitive and “Oh no, I don’t care what he looks like” — puh-leeze. Women are just as shallow as men, we’ve just created a social facade that they aren’t.
So, if we corrected the triangle and accounted for survey bias, I suspect that women’s responses would be much closer to men’s, perhaps with a slighter higher preference for “intelligence” than “emotionally stable/responsive”, since they might view “intelligence” as an indicator for “money” or “success”.
I like Phils idea of the funny and playful part. Still its a great idea and should be considered as something new and creative.
Hey Phil,
You seem to understand women more than most men. I’m thinking that you must have sisters. Not sure about the part that you think we’re all unstable, but I guess there are times when we seem that way. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Interesting study.
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