Though there are probably many different traits in which would make a guy creepy, there is one that readily stands out in the bar/club environment – the act of staring.
It’s something I try to avoid particularly while around girls, and unless there is mutual eye contact, which is quite different, long bouts of ogling an attractive female will not go unnoticed and more likely put you in the creepy guy category.
So with that in mind, it was a bit of surprise when I was approached by a girl from a neighboring hen party at a busy college bar. Here was her opener:
“Please stop looking over at us because nothing is gonna happen” she said.
Huh, not quite what I was expecting, especially considering that our own little group was pretty involved in our own conversations, while mostly ignoring the people around us.
Though it’s true that my wingman had approached the group earlier in the night, I don’t feel like there was any excessive attention given to any of these girls, which makes me wonder how aware we are of our staring habits.
Being men, we are visual creatures, so when we spot a female who’s large jumbly boobies are popping out of an extra small t-shirt, then we are going to look. We know we aren’t supposed to stare at them, even though we want to, so we tend to make quick glances or ogle them from the corners of our eyes.
However, what we might think is a quick glance, is probably more of an eternity for a self conscious woman. And though you might not think she doesn’t notice you gazing her up and down, she does, and frankly it comes off as creepy.
It’s a bit of a catch 22 I suppose, with women dressing up in their sluttiest outfits, parading around, showing off the goods, yet get offended when we look at them like a piece of meat.
So what’s a man to do?
Well, for starters, I think sticking to the timeless advice of the 3 second rule of approaching is good. Seeing a girl and then talking to her right away is far less of a creep maneuver than staring at her for an hour and then approaching.
The second thing which I find effective, is to always be engaged in a conversation with someone else, man or woman, or a group of people, anything to keep your eyes focused and not wandering around the room. If you are just standing there idly, what else is there to do but start checking out random girls. Not only will your idle staring put you in the creepy guy category but you’ll also look like you don’t have any friends, which is not a good look for a social environment.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
“You actually think you’re good enough for me to let anything happen with you? Get away from me creep; you’re rude.”
At least shatter her overblown ego and make it that much easier for the next guy to nut in her.
“We were just wondering why you are all so fat. You should really try the low-carb diet.”
Over the last 3-5 months I’ve implemented eye game as a staple in my approaching to great success. I’ll be honest though, I pretty much stare at the girl I like at least until she stares at me. The difference is, 1) I’m staring at her eyes, and 2) I’m using a head tilt and a squint that makes it sexy. Also, once her eyes meet mine, I give her a little upward nod and smile, and reposition my body toward her. Then I get time to approach.
.-= Hammer´s last blog ..I Dare You to Flake =-.
Vincent & Lugo,
Good comebacks and possibly a good way to try to save face, however, my response to her was basically a little laugh and then a back turn towards my friends as if re-initiating conversation with them. Maybe not the best reaction, but I certainly didn’t cower like a beta at her remark, which is probably what she was looking for. She was the least attractive of the group and definitely was the “mother hen” and so was likely trying to display some kind of dominance.
Hammer,
I’m a big fan of eye seduction myself and actually use it quite often before approaching. The difference, as you say, is that there is usually eye contact and some kind of affirmation that you are communicating non-verbally, such as the head tilt or my personal favorite the “smirk.”
So I’m definitely not trying to discourage people from using “eye game” but I think people need to recognize that there is a difference between seducing someone from across the bar with eye contact and the creepy guy staring.
Great post. I was in a San Francisco bar and a group of six hotties came strutting by. One had a very low cut top and it was impossible not to look. The girl right behind her scowled at me and called me a creep. And there’s no way I could have looked at the other girl’s boobs for more than a second. Don’t want guys to look? Don’t dress like that!
Love your advice about always chatting with someone. It makes you appear personable, if nothing else.
.-= dadshouse´s last blog ..My Man Boy Son =-.
I would look to her friends and ask “is she always this feisty”, then maybe something like “mother bear protecting her cubs”. I’d then tell them to enjoy there evening and say “it was nice talking to you” while looking right at the feisty girl and then be on my way.
I’ve always avoided looking at women because I thought they don’t want me to be attracted to them. Now, I’m trying to change that and look more. I’ll worry about being called creepy when that time comes.
I used to always be the guy who quickly averted his eyes whenever a female looked in his direction, which I felt was a sign of cowardice so I started doing the exact opposite, which is staring(lol). Within a month, I definitely got called out for being a “creep”. Where does one find balance?
@Joshua,
Finding a balance can be difficult but there’s definitely a difference between seductive eye contact and being a creeper. For example:
seductive eye contact: you and her lock gazes until she breaks away, then you approach and open.
creepy staring: you sit there silently staring at her the whole time without her returning eye contact, in fact, she’ll probably make a point to avoid eye contact with you.
When my friends and I are out dancing, there’s usually a lot of men standing around the perimeter staring most of the night. I’ve learned to ignore it mostly. If I notice one that’s attractive, I may flash him a smile or a wink. If he continues to stare, expressionless.. he will fall into the creep zone. What I don’t like, is if they’re standing right next to me and staring.. but saying nothing. Invading my personal space and breathing on me while staring isn’t sexy.
I don’t mind a longer gaze, but if we have made eye contact more than once and I looked away immediately… it’s time to get a clue and check someone else out.
Women who show up with tits hanging out everywhere need to expect people to stare. Hell, I’d be staring too – I mean it’s human nature!
I find a great way to be creepy with women is to start talking to them normally then say that you used to be married to her in a former life and you have been searching all over the world to find her.
You will either get a slap or it might work!
Rob x
Women are often shallow and superficial, so who cares what they think. Show me a smart girl and I’ll talk to her about something, but usually they clearly don’t know anything except trendy stupid things, so I’ll just look at them because their looks are all they got.
Say it dead seriously. “I was looking at that girl behind you, you… have no chance.” ” Are you trying to hit on me, I saw you staring at me for about an hour, I know I’m sexy but that’s rude.” Flip it around and chop they head up like a blender fool. There you just recovered. Step up your game chipmunks. My favorite is blaming social blunders on the nearest hot girl, if your on your game you can pull anything.
There is nothing creepy to go out in a club or a bar alone with the sole intention of approaching women. This is exactly how you become more assertive and build you own self-esteem.
Take my word for it, there a LOT of guys wishing that they can approach any women they see on the street, but they can’t because they don’t have the confidence to do so. It is actually creepy for a guy to stare at a girl, and take no action it.
There is nothing ‘creepy’ what we are doing. We are taking action.
Misandry at its best(which isnt even in chromes spellcheck). they do the same shit to us. fuck the feminist trash who taught these girls that men looking is “objectifying”…i for one don’t fuck objects yet if the woman calls it objectifying there is no arguing it. yet if 2 men are arguing at a bar and she says “fucking boys and testosterone” suggesting that its a sexist statement is futile… I do usually get a good laugh when i see a girl hit a man or another girl (both playfully) and interject with “DOMESTIC ABUSE” with a large grin.
Its just confident guys who approach? Please. As a woman, i can say that creepy guys approach me all the time, in some misguided effort to make their case for sex. i have nothing in common with them nor any rapport or connection and yet they desperately and aggressively try to make their case. Many guys approach. I would never reciprocate toward any of them.
Why can’t you “confident” guys approach women in your own social/professional circles? Why do you have to approach random strangers on the street? How creepy is that? Do you think how unsettled she must be about the invasion of space, not knowing whether you are a stalker or not, or some kind of nut?
Most women think that random guys who just approach them are only out for one thing. If not, then just attempt to befriend me without having sex on the brain, and let the relationship naturally unfold or not.
I love this article. It honestly depends, there’s actually a few guys who I have played the staring game with but never had a real conversation..so I guess it could be creepy for some people but I like it
I think its cutee
Amanda,
Seriously, get over yourself. You would have no problem if a suave dude with movie star looks approached you for sex. You see what you’re really saying is “I’m tired of all these ugly socially retarded losers hitting on me”
Its funny the women like you who claim to hate all this “unwanted attention” now are the same fat old bitter hags 20 years later wondering why no man won’t even glance in her direction anymore.
Yeah, I agreea with A.J. 100%. Women love attention. They love it when guys go up and talk to them, especially when they’re in a big group of friends. They just think they look cool in front of their friends when a guy goes up and hits on them, unless he is just butt ugly which he probably isn’t if he’s making a move.