I wake up from a sound slumber, fully clothed, at 10 o’clock in the morning with a pounding hangover.
“Ugghhhh, what happened last night,” I mutter to myself.
As the fragmented pieces of the night begin to assemble into a somewhat hazy picture, the taste of disgust begins to find it’s way to the back of my mouth. Oh dear god… what did I do?
The last thing I remember, I was standing in the middle of my most frequented bar, the place where I have home field advantage, where all my friends and neighborhood aristocrats hang out, embracing a rather tubby fat girl in full tongue-down mode…
This is what happens when you mix seven hours of drinking on a Sunday with not masturbating in over a week. Things don’t always go to plan and as the booze slowly erodes your logical mind, that’s when the body’s physical needs begin to take over regardless of your standards.
Normally, the incident wouldn’t be so bad, I’d just brush it off as accidental horniness. However, the fact that it occurred on my own turf, where I hold court and generally am regarded with higher status than the average shlub on the street, well, this does not bode well for reputation at this particular watering hole.
Now, I know what you’re saying, so what if she was a little obese, everyone’s done it from time to time. Yea, like I said not normally a big deal, but this particular woman has her own reputation, that of an alpha female of sorts, going around the neighborhood bars and seducing unsuspecting drunken betas that fall under her prey.
And being the kind of guy who is normally flirting with girls of much higher quality, I feel like I’ve lost a few notches of symbolic status at my home field by publicly making out with the neighborhood slut. Though thankfully, making out is as far as it went.
While this was probably a big win in her book, I am now on damage control. Because the neighborhood bar is composed of a tight knit group of fellow neighbors and party goers, word is sure to get around to the others. Not to mention the most damaging of all, the potential loss of attraction in the eyes of those much hotter females that I have been actively pursuing.
My friend suggested I find a model or celebrity to date and bang her on top of the bar to make up for any deflationary trends in my value. It’s a creative solution to the problem, but not very realistic.
Any suggestions on how to damage control this?
Related posts:
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
hahaha
I’ve been in this same situation MANY times…
If you ask me, the best thing to do is to just fess up to it and laugh at the situation…
We’ve all had a case of the beer goggles…
There’s really no reason for “damage control”…
You’ve got to crack a few eggs to make an omelette
.-= Mack Tight´s last blog ..The Playette Type Explained =-.
Full tongue-down mode? If anyone mentions it within earshot, tell them you were trying to get your sandwich back.
The second you make verbal digs at her, you’re showing it bothers you. You’re allowing social weakness, and anyone with half a brain will see it.
Laughing it up, better…ish.
Social apathy is my route of choice for the “why did I hit that?” moments. Works well.
Mack,
Yea that was my default plan, to basically laugh it off and blame it on beer goggles
Challenge,
Ha! I love it, that’s perfect zinger/re-frame, though will have to be sure she isn’t anywhere in the vicinity while throwing that one out there.
Poetry of Flesh,
Good points, brushing it off as a non-issue is likely the best way to go.
Dude why are you sweating it? Whatever it was a drunk night that you don’t remember. Value is overrated. Seduction is about emotions.
.-= Hammer´s last blog ..I Dare You to Flake =-.
You probably have enough status among the men that it won’t matter if they mess with you a bit for it. You should be able to laugh at yourself. But you should have a suitable neg ready for any girl that dares shit test you for it. Otherwise, no need to sweat it. We’ve all buttered rolls at one point or another.
Haha! From a chick’s perspective I ask: who is the bigger slut, you or her?
And I hope she has a blog, on which she is lamenting the ‘beer goggles’ phenomenon and wondering how low could she really go?
And one more thing, while I’ve got your attention *bats eyelashes* – it’s entirely possible you missed the lay of your life last night. Everyone knows that good lookers are too self-conscious to be any good in bed! Haha!
.-= jodiemiller´s last blog ..Cold turkey =-.
Is it possible you just became the victim of someone with better game than you?
.-= Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life´s last blog ..Dominance and Submission in Marriage: The Captain and First Officer Model =-.
Jodi,
Ha, well you’re probably right, if males could be labeled sluts than it is likely that I am one, which is fine. And if she did blog about this than that’d be great, it’d make for some good publicity in the ole blogosphere, kind of like a he said/she said type of thing.
As far as missing out on the lay of my life, who knows, but I doubt it. In past experiences with chubby women, I’ve noticed that they usually just tend to lay there like a beached whale, but I’m generalizing.
Athol Kay,
It’s definitely possible and probable that she “out-gamed” me. My own game isn’t exactly super tight anyways, so I still fall to older bad habits every now and then
Bro, who HASN’T made out with a fat chick while drunk in bar? That’s not even news when I do that.
.-= Lance´s last blog ..How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.
{ 1 trackback }