[Update 4/8/10: It has come to my attention that the main subject of this post, a 50 year old virgin blogger, has mysteriously deleted his blog. However, there are still some good insights in this post and is worth the read.]
There is one type of blog in the dating/relationship niche that always seems to catch my eye along with many other interested readers and that is of the older male virgin blog.
These blogs are almost irresistible to read due to the sexual trials and tribulations of the authors. Though these blogs tend to be similar in their life span on the web, they always offer a unique opportunity for everyone to become an expert on losing virginity and offering their advice to said authors.
They pop up every once in awhile with clever names like: Almost 40 Year Old Virgin, The 30 Year Old Virgin or V-Carded. By the way, all these blog are now unfortunately defunct. I believe “The Virgin” from V-Carded eventually lost his virginity to TBK from The Beautiful Kind. The other two bloggers, which were popular several years ago, seemed to have shut down their operations and I assume either eventually got laid or gave up the dream, who knows?
The 50 Year Old Virgin
Well, if you happened to miss all the good content of the previous blogs, don’t fret, there’s a new kid guy in town and he steps things up a notch. We’re not talking about late 20 something virgins, or a 30 something virgin and no not even a 40 year old virgin. This guy is a Virgin at 50!
As of now the blog is still a young pup, at less than a month old, but hopefully the author will continue posting his adventures in trying to get this whole virginity thing handled, but as of now his first post seems to be getting a lot action. In this, he basically lists all of the things he has done to improve himself and make himself more desirable; everything from getting a clothing consultant, brushing his teeth three times a day, to reading every pick-up/seduction book. He even goes so far as to travel to Russia in search of a bride…
Though everything he has done is certainly good from a self improvement aspect, save the Russian bride thing, he admits in a response to one of my comments that he has NEVER cold approached a woman and has NEVER tried initiating a kiss with a woman. Here’s a quick excerpt of his comment.
I have a lot of approach anxiety and have, outside of asking thousands of women to dance, never “cold” approached a woman. I’ve “warm” approached the women I know from my social circle and from group activities in which we both participate.
I’ve never tried to initiate a kiss because I’ve never felt that it would be welcome.
Now I’m not trying to come down on this guy, I’m an interested reader and am definitely rooting for him. And as my past readers know, I didn’t lose my virginity until my late twenties so I can somewhat relate.
You can read about my my first lay and though it was somewhat awkward and never saw that girl again, thank god, I am still grateful for having the fortitude to bang that chubby tattooed girl from the shitty dive bar.
As I’ve explained in my post, The Dilemmas of Male Virgins, being an older male virgin is like carrying around a bag of bricks that only gets heavier and heavier by the year. When I lost my virginity it was such a relief to drop that bag of bricks, and I was only 27, just imagine how many bricks a 50 year old man is carrying, that shit is gonna be heavy!
Here’s the thing, when I finally got laid for the first time, it wasn’t because I was just waiting around to “get lucky.” No, I never would have even banged that chubby chick had I not manned up and escalated the situation; everything from the first attempts of kino, to initiating the kiss, walking her back to her place, inviting myself in and initiating the sex.
The “Be Yourself” Trap
I think most people would say that you just have to go for it, make an attempt and be bold. Nothing is going to happen if you do nothing. Which brings me to my next rant, this comment on Virginat50′s blog by D. Lynn Thompson:
I’m sorry, but I can’t help but be amused at the fact that most (if not all) of the people advising you on how to get a woman are men. So, a bit of advice from a woman…
QUITE TRYING SO DAMN HARD!!! I know that probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it is the truth. It is my personal experience that men who try too hard don’t get much for their efforts. Just be yourself. Screw the psychotherapy (no pun intended). Toss the self help books, meds, and every other bit of BS that tells you who you have to be to meet someone.
If you MUST do something so you feel proactive, when you find a woman you would like to date, listen to her. Like actually listen. Not that “i’m pretending to listen while I figure out how to ask you out” listen. Take said info and do something nice. Bring her a lunch based on what she likes, buy her a used book that she has mentioned she likes (new ones are a bit creepy because they are expensive at times)…
What the hell! This is typical advice from an average woman who assumes that she knows how to attract women because she is a woman. Well, that is almost always not the case and is particularly poor advice in this case.
Essentially, D. Lynn, gives the tired cliched advice of “be yourself.” Ugh, please… seriously is that really the best advice this guy needs?! The man is 50 years old, he has been doing the “be yourself” thing for decades with no results, how could that possibly do any good? If the man sticks to the status quo, then his only option is to rely on luck, which at this rate he’ll never lose his virginity.
Now no one is saying that he should be a fake or pretend to be someone else. However, it is clear that he does need to TRY something to start escalating his interactions with the women he meets in life. And this doesn’t mean buying them a used book, that’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard, it’s akin to buying flowers in the hopes that the woman will put out.
My Blogging Advice to the Virginat50
You can only write about your problem and your excuses for so long until it starts to get boring. So, as an interested reader and an early fan of your blog, I would be most interested in reading about your actual attempts to overcome your male virginity. Things like:
- Cold approaching 10 girls, getting rejected by the first 9, but having a good conversation with the 10th
- Setting up and going on more dates
- Your attempts at initiating a kiss
- Hopefully, down the road, your eventually losing your v-card
The thing is, even if you get rejected and have embarrassing moments trying to actively overcome your anxiety, it will still make for great blog reading, so think about it like a journalist trying to get good material. It works for me 
P.S. – If there are any other male virgin bloggers out there that I don’t know about, please drop me a line or leave a comment and I’ll link you up in this post.
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the mention. I’ll be posting in the coming days about the actions I’m taking to improve and the progress/mistakes I’m making.
Have you ever met a virgin who knows more about sex and relationships than anybody in America, yet can’t get laid to save his life? That seems to be the predicament of a lot of these guys that you are talking about.
BTW this was an incredible post, I like how you talk about virgin bloggers without insulting them. Yet you still prod them on. It’s a hard combination to pull off well.
.-= Internet Seduction´s last blog ..NLP and Internet Seduction? =-.
I.S.,
I’m not sure that I’ve heard of many virgins who claim to know a lot about sex and relationships but there do tend to be keyboard jockeys within the seduction community that can spout all kinds of advanced pick-up techniques, yet couldn’t cold approach a female if their life depended on it. Though, I think that type of behavior is true of many areas of life, it’s just the nature of some people I suppose. It’s easy to read theory on something and quite a different thing to practice that theory.
Bah! The real advice to 40yo+ virgins should be “broaden your mind with more interesting hobbies because you’re too old to get laid now and you’re not going to go to a prostitute because you would have done so ten years ago.” If a guy is 40 years old and still a virgin he’s either a lesser Beta who doesn’t want to settle down with an unattractive woman or he’s an outright Omega where no woman wanted to have sex at all. Plenty of guys are willing to admit there are women so fugly they couldn’t ever imagine themselves wanting to have sex with them therefore so too is it with some men: they are so unappealing to women that they can never hope to have sex (except to pay for it of course).
Learning to be good with women is like learning to be good at playing the piano. Someone with great natural ability will derive great benefit from theoretical knowledge. Someone with no natural ability, not so much.
as the worlds oldest male virgin at 57 i have never been on a date i did try 4 times the last time at 41 i have never been kissed on the lips nor had a girlfriend and i am proud of what i am i have done 6 TV shows from nov 1999 to dec 2008 i am hopping to do a lie detector test to get to prove what i claim to be on a TV show i can then claim the world record for being the oldest living male virgin.
Daniel,
First, I’d like to point out that your claims of being the oldest living male virgin is dubious at best. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of much older men than you that have kept their virginity in tact, for instance, preachers or monks that have taken life long vows of celibacy. I’d be willing to wager any amount of money that there is some 80 year old monk living in the mountains of Tibet who has never been laid before.
Second, there are many reasons why one would want to remain a virgin but that is not the point of this article or the general thoughts of male virgins that I discuss on this blog. Whatever points that I have made about male virginity is particularly focused on those men that are virgins and actually want to have sexual relations in their life time.
If your goal in life is to become a TV star for being a virgin, then congratulations, it sounds like you’ve achieved your dreams.
I’ve very recently lost my virginity at the age of 33 – and I can tell you – it is a huge load off my chest. It’s not that I’ve had problems with attracting women – but it was so hard to take the next step without experience.
I have one question though. I can’t seem to come when having sex – due to having spent years masturbating. The vagina is so much softer and more moist than hands. Is this a problem you have experienced? And does it go away after abstaining from masturbation for a while? I have been wanking at least once a day for pretty much the last twenty years.
Jimbo,
I actually have had that problem before, where I wasn’t able to come from sex with a woman because I was so used to ejaculating from the act of masturbation. I think that abstaining from masturbation will definitely help, but also more actual sexual intercourse too, as your penis will change it’s sensitivity levels to whatever type of stimulation you give it most.
I did not lose my virginity until I was 41….and that was with an escort. I’d always been a quiet, shy teenager and never overcame that into adulthood. I think it comes from the fact that I like women so much I just did not want the rejection.
i’m 47 and have’nt had sex yet the older you get and the longer you wait the harder it gets and no one really wants to go to a sex worker sex with a condom is not really sex
I’m 53 years old and still a virgin. Most in part is being able to trust the woman. I’ve yet to find one i would like to spend my life with. Now Being Disabled, but can still get around pretty much. THe most i have done when i was in high school was hold hands with a girl, but i was always a big man and even today at 340 pounds. I’m well off and enjoy life, but find that the women i know what only money! I doubt i will ever find a true honest woman who wants me for me and not money.
I’m not a virgin anymore but I have been in the doghouse of sex as in not having it or even a decent make out with a woman for the past 3 and a half years. I’m back to square one again and I need to do something I don’t like the church,bar, school, work or internet scene in order to pick up women, are ther any alternatives?
At 45, and still the holder of a V card, I am developing as patahlogical hatred for mankind. if I do end up taking my own life, it will be once I’ve taken some fuckers with me.
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