The Savage Ghost Encounters

I‘m laying in bed, eyes closed, snuggled up in my nice warm blanket. I’m sound asleep. I’m dead to the world.

At some point in the night, who knows what time, I feel something moving…

The edge of my blanket begins to slowly slide down my chest, inching it’s way downward. It’s enough to wake me, yet I’m paralyzed with fear. Shit, is someone in my apartment?

I grab hold of the blanket from underneath the covers and yank it back up to my neck, holding it there firmly.

I slowly open my eyes expecting to see some psycho with a gun pointed at my face. There is nothing. I try to swallow the giant lump in my throat and gain some composure.

As I lay perfectly still, clutching my blanket, I scan the dark room for anything suspicious.

A chill comes over my whole body, as my head turns to focus on the bedroom doorway. A multitude of panicked obscenities fill my head.

Oh shit… mother fucker… ohh fuck…

It’s standing in the doorway. I don’t think it’s a person. It appears to be almost see through. An apparition. A fucking ghost encounter!

It’s just standing there swaying back and forth next to the window. What do I do?

Ok, calm down, get a hold of yourself, it’s probably nothing, just a shadow perhaps. I close my eyes in the hopes it will be gone when they reopen. One, two, three…

Shiiiitttt! Still there.

The ghost is staring me down. Why does this shit have to happen to me? I have enough to deal with in my life, I don’t need this afterlife drama. What the hell do I do??

Then it hits me. Ghost Busters. Remember that opening scene where they have the ghost encounters at the New York Public Library? The whole plan was, “Get Her.”

That’s it. That’s my plan, get her. Screw you ghost, I’m just gonna flip out and go ape shit on your ass.

I take a long deep breath, then, in a rage of fury I whip my covers off, lunge for the light switch and spring to a crouching tiger stance while letting out my battle cry.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

The light is now on. There is nothing there. My rapid breathing begins to slow down. I’m standing on top of my bed like a retarded ninja. This is pathetic.

I begin walking around my entire apartment turning on every light. I grab my all purpose weapon of choice, a 3-D chrome Mag-Lite, heavy enough to beat down a real person but with enough candle power to vaporize Gozer herself.

I begin examining the entire apartment when I notice an empty container of Chinese food sitting on my coffee table. It suddenly dawns on me what my pre-slumber activities included. I had gone to the bar and ended up drinking my usual pints of Guinness, but also included a shot of Jager, a shot of Sambuca, and topped it off with a late night feast of spicy curry dumplings.

Was it really a ghost? My guess, it was nothing more than a toxic stew of alcohol and curry filled hallucinations. Oh, and I wasn’t wearing my glasses or contact lenses, which without I am pretty much blind.

Epilogue

I see something like this ghost story as being a great opener for a pick up artist or even better, a DHV (demonstration of higher value) story.  At the least, I think it’ll be a great conversation starter.  I’ll be testing out various versions this week and will let you guys know how it goes.

Anyone else have tales of crazy ghost encounters?  Has anyone used a ghost story to seduce someone?