It seems that there is an ever growing stock of older male virgins out there. And if there isn’t, they are at least becoming more apparent. Thanks to the anonymity of the Interwebs and the movie, 40 Year Old Virgin, it has become fashionable for male virgins to present their case to the world and still remain anonymous.
The web is full of male virgins. Just look here and here for starters. I was also part of this club just over a year ago, finally being deflowered at the age of 27.
Even the slew of reality shows which feature some type of geeks, nerds, losers, etc always have some sort of token virgin. Just look at the last season of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, half of the contestants were virgins, with the oldest being 45!
There is no reason for a guy to remain a virgin into and past his late 20s. The only real exceptions would be some major physical or mental handicap, but that would make up only a small minority of the male virgin population. Most of these guys are your normal average everyday men. Yet, for some reason they just can’t figure out how to get laid. You would think that after so many years, a guy would at least get a little random action or even a pity lay. No, there is something else at work here.
By the way, I understand there may be some of you guys out there who are “saving” yourselves for marriage. This article is not about you, it’s about the guys who want to have sex but can’t. And honestly, as a horny male, I can’t even begin to understand what would posses someone to wait for sex, but that’s another topic for another time.
Effects of Porn on Pursuing Women
The first thing I’d like to point out is that pornography, to which most males masturbate, is increasingly and readily available thanks to the spread of YouTube like porn sites. We know that these sites are highly visited by simply looking at their Alexa traffic rankings. Sites like YouPorn (rank 41) and RedTube (rank 49) are ranked as two of THE top websites on the Internet. These sites are receiving millions of visitors a day. For comparison purposes, the NYTimes.com is ranked 97 and ESPN.com is ranked 71.
For those not familiar with the Alexa ranking service, the lower number the ranking is, the more traffic that site receives, for instance, Google is #2 and this blog is #259,388. So, judging from the chart below, there is clearly a high demand for pornography.
Whats wrong with porn you ask? Nothing really, I love good porn just as much as the next guy, but it’s not the porn itself that is causing problems. It’s the fact that men no longer need or are even willing to go out and pursue women. Why should they when they can just stay at home and arouse their sexual fantasies to their heart’s content.
When you are able to easily satisfy your needs without the hassle of being rejected by women, then there leaves little motivation to improve oneself. And improving oneself in life is a key component for males gaining the attraction of females.
Also, I wouldn’t say porn is solely to blame, but it is definitely not helping. Porn is a small part of an overall fundamental problem we see more and more with technology. With the Internet and the rise in the video game industry, there are countless distractions that leaves little time for boys to go outside and chase girls around the schoolyard. Instead, it’s little Johnny sitting in front of the TV or computer for twelve hours a day masturbating to Lara Croft.
Perhaps there is a reason that the “Nerd” stereotype is often associated with male virgins. Nerds have always been the ones with computers and readily made access to cutting edge Internet porn. Coincidence? You decide.
The Virginity Catch 22
It seems to me that the longer a male stays a virgin, the more difficult it becomes to lose it. To illustrate, see this crude line chart below:
My theory is that as male virgins become older and older, they begin to doubt their ability to get laid, thus perpetuating a downward cycle of less and less confidence. Of course, the catch 22 being that confidence is a main ingredient in attracting women.
When a guy is young he can blame his lack of sex on simple bad luck. However, as time goes on, the male becomes self conscious, he questions his looks, he begins to blame society for his faults and eventually his self esteem is shot to hell. Perhaps he will be so discouraged with his situation that he gives up completely. He’ll turn 40 years old, have the appearance of a nice guy, but deep down inside, he’ll have a hidden resentment towards women.
“Be Yourself” – Worst Advice Ever
I think there are some male virgins who simply receive poor advice on dating and are lacking the basic skill set of attraction. This one is not a theory either, just go to any dating advice message board and take a look. You can see clear as day from the posts that most guys, often virgins, are simply clueless on things like confidence, body language, flirting, approaching and how to hold a conversation with women.
Concepts like “be yourself” are terrible for a guy who has absolutely no clue about women. It’s like saying, “oh well, just keep on doing the same things over and over, even though you don’t get any results, and hopefully some day you’ll get lucky.”
It could be that these guys are getting their advice from the wrong sources. For them, it could be a matter of simply learning the fundamentals of attraction.
Self Sabotage and Fear of Success
Before I lost my virginity, I had this one thought process that didn’t make much sense. At the time, it did make sense and it went something like this:
This girl really likes me and I really like her. She’s an amazing person and definitely long term relationship material, quite possibly THE ONE. I know that if I asked her, we could be dating right now… but, herein lies the problem. I’ve never had sex with anyone and if I end up Marrying this girl then I will have only had sex with one woman my entire life. I want to at least have sex with multiple women in my life. Therefore, I will not pursue this girl until I’ve had sex with other women.
Isn’t that messed up?! I probably had about twenty of those scenarios throughout my life. It was a matter of self sabotage and a fear of succeeding. It’s almost like another catch 22. I know it’s a messed up way of thinking and I’ve changed that now. However, I’m willing to guess that there are other male virgins out there with very similar thought processes.
Climbing Out of the Pit of Despair
So, with all these dilemmas what’s a male virgin to do?
- Focusing on the fundamentals of attraction and seduction is a good start for those who have been living in a cave most of your lives.
- Quit porn and masturbation. Go cold turkey. Delete all porn from your hard drive and put browser blocks on porno sites. Trust me, after one week of no masturbating, you’ll notice a huge difference in how you act around women.
- Read No More Mr. Nice Guy!
by Robert Glover, as it will help you to understand what has caused you to become the way you are. Because sometimes, it’s a matter of fixing that messed up shit in our heads.
Finally, for you guys that are older, the guys who are in your 30s and 40s, do whatever you have to do to get that first lay out of the way (legally of course), even if it means having a fling with a woman your not too crazy about. Getting that one first time out of the way is like lifting a ton of bricks from your back. And getting that one first lay will be enough to break the curse.
The Virginity Round-up
This post was inspired by the Virgin Round-up being organized by Honey and Lance. It’s a series of blog posts related to the topic of virginity. You can check out some of the other great articles below:
- Bobby Rio: Virgins for Sale
- Honey: Was Losing My Virginity Worth It?
- Hammer: Why I Don’t Date Virgins
- Lance: I’ve Had Sex With Three Virgins and I’m Gonna Tell You About It
{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }
Nice insights. I agree with your “quit porn” tip – I’m not a big fan of porn. I think it distracts you from real life. And real life is so much better. Go meet a hottie and date, if that’s what you want. Better than staring at her on a screen.
I also agree that you shouldn’t wait for marriage. Get out there and have sex, get good at it, discover what you like, and meet a woman who is good in bed. There is way more to a comitted relationship than sex. But good sex is a necessary ingredient.
This is excellent advice. If only more friends and family would stop just saying “there’s someone out there for you.” Maybe so, but what kind of person might that be and where, exactly, are they located? I think people say stuff like that because they don’t really want to say out loud what they know to be true. And, actually helping a full grown friend is a lot of work, especially if the virgin is, well… resistant. Hopefully, places like yours make it easier.
Good article.
@ dadshouse,
Agreed. Good sex ought to be enough motivation for anyone to quit the porn habit. Certainly nothing better than the real thing:)
@ Miles,
I think most people genuinely believe that they are helping with that kind of advice, but they likely don’t understand the underlying complexities the person’s problems. “Be yourself” only really works if you are already good at meeting women.
@ Godspeed,
Thanks!
Nicely said. Very nicely said.
Thanks for the link back.. I’ll have to check your site out.
Agreed. Leave the porn alone, dweebs. All porn does is create an unrealistic ideal in your sex-deprived, horny minds. Male virgins, when in doubt, just print this post out.
I’m actually a fan of porn and I recommend it, but for a different reason. I like porn because you can learn great sex techniques and fantasy from it; just don’t abuse it, and don’t use it as a substitute for real socialization. I do advise getting unplugged and getting out into the field as much as humanly possible when you’re just getting started. I also think it’s important to get that first lay out of the way, even if it’s with a fat chick!!
Just be yourself has got to be the worst advice I’ve ever heard. I far prefer Style’s “Just be your best self.”
I think that people who are of an age where it starts being abnormal to be a virgin and they haven’t lost it, a lot of times it’s because they don’t really WANT to have sex–for some reason they can’t admit it to themself. Getting to the bottom of why you don’t want to have sex (and fears of women or of being horrible at it are among them) is the only way you’re going to get past the REAL issue and start getting laid.
I am going to have to really have to disagree with your advice. Especially the porn part. I think there is something more going on here with late male virginity. You make a good argument about porn as well as technology. It is easy to see how a young or even not so young man could get caught up looking at porn, disassociate themselves with the rest of society and then not develop the proper social skills to be able to pick up women. This could be a possible answer except for one fact of life. Prostitution in most places, while illegal, is easily available. Prostitutes don’t require that you attract/charm/seduce them. They take your money and then if everything goes right you have sex with them. Prostitution is also relatively not that expensive. Where I live a prostitute cost less than the cost of a Wii, iphone, or even the better ipods. I would gander to say that some of these older virgins probably own such devices. I am sure that they could spring for a one time shot.
So what is it that is stopping these guys from going and getting a prostitute? Legal issues? I really doubt that all of these guys are just upright citizens that are scared to cross the street. How many of these guys smoke marijuana or use some illicit drug? How many of these guys drank underage? How many of these guys download content illegally?
Maybe they don’t want to catch a disease? Well if that is the case how would you ever coax them out into the bar/club? Sure that prostitute might have slept with tons of guys but most likely she demanded protection, that drunk girl at the bar at the end of the night might have slept with a lot less guys but might have been less discerning when it came to the use of condoms.
Maybe it could be that they find the whole idea of prostitution immoral? Could be but I doubt that. I bet you that if you went online and looked at the older male virgin population you would find everything from the devoutly religious and male feminists to sexual libertarians and the downright misogynist.
Personally I think the answer is more of an inner game issue. I would say that many of these individuals probably have issues reconciling their own sexual desires. For the most part we are taught to feel guilty for having desires and trying to follow our sexual desires by society. We are told that what we want is perverse and degrades women (that is if that is your inclination). We are taught by society how women should be treated and this is what society calls ‘respect.’ Society’s ‘respect’ for women is thus put in conflict with our carnal desires.
Many of us deal with this by trying to repress our desire others use pornography as an outlet for exploring our desires while others explore their true desires and discover their true sexual selves. Those who do freely explore their desires seem to be shunned by society.
This seems to be the case with my experience. Yes I lost my virginity in my late 20′s. Yes I was really into porn (I think at one time I could have had a PHD in pornography). Of course no matter how much porn I looked at and how many times I masturbated I still wanted to have sex: it really isn’t the same feeling. While throughout most of High School I did just go home, sleep, masterbate. I was still involved in lots of activities: Jack and Jills of America, karate, Boy Scouts of America, my High Schools Pre-Med program, peer tutoring, Sci-Fi/Fantasy club, the Asian club (even though I wasn’t Azn). Many of these organizations had women that I knew and probably would have gone out with me. Later on I went to college: plenty of girls, plenty of activities, didn’t have a TV. Still no play. Still even later I was working/hanging out at the Limelight night club in NYC. At one point I was going down there 6 times a week. Still I was a virgin. Finally much later in life I slept with an escort (female). While I am not telling everyone to go out and find a sex worker what I am trying to say is that I had a lot of issues being ok with my own sexual desires. This really didn’t fix itself until I got involved with the sex positive community and the pick up community.
So here is my advice to these older virgins.
1. Do get involved with the pickup community: learn the secrets of inner game, social dynamics, outer game and seduction, etc.
2. Don’t give up porn and masturbation but do get out there and meet people and make connections. Use your porn and masturbation time to learn about what really turns you on. Be able to explain what you want with confidence.
3. Do join the sex positive community. Start reading sex positive blogs and listen to sex positive podcast. See if there is a sex positive store/group in the area. Take any workshops that they have. Learn that there is nothing wrong with your desires no matter how dark, nasty or whatever they are as long as they are safe, sane and consensual. Learn what things really are hot for women. Learn how to do all those things in porn the right, safe and not painful way (unless she really, really likes it the painful way). Learn how to talk to women about what you want. How it will feel to them and show that you have the knowledge to the it the right way.
Just before finding this website, I was sure that no one understood what I’m going through. I’m 27 and practically a virgin. I’ve been actively trying to lose my v-card for over a year and I was getting very discouraged and pissed off. Lately I’ve been getting advice to the tone of, “You just haven’t met the right one.” I’m going to follow your suggestions instead–get rid of the porn and get that first lay out of the way(even if its a fat chick).
Thanks again (I’ve subscribed to your blog)
I’m 36 year old involuntary celibate male and here’s my take on this article from someone who is a total virgin (no sex, no gf, no kissing, etc). I didn’t even have to *try* to be one either, it’s just is. The only thing I agree with is the “Catch 22″ section (graph’s sort weak-looking by the way).
It’s definitely sorta too late now, it’s not like when you hear on the news that some 76 year old grandmother “finally” got her College Degree and it’s considered a “good thing”. If you “finally” lose your virginity at like 43, you’d still get the “WHAT”!??!
For me it’s all about the Stigma. If me saying “Yeah, I’m 36 years old and never had a gf before” carried the same weight as “Yeah, I’m 36 and never been on an airplane before”, then I’d be “out there” more, whatever that entails.
How you’re viewed will always supercede whatever opinion you have of yourself. Doesn’t matter what you do for a living, how much $ you take home, college degree, etc., you are The Virgin…again Stigma.
Personally, I know why I’m a V, I’m not an attractive-looking person, and that’s two-fold. I look like an Ape (sorta like Patrick Ewing) and I have that perceived “mixed-race” look (I’m 100% hispanic, but the mix of my hair with my lighter skin color…nobody really likes to mate with that. Folks like people who look like them. If you can’t be categorized, no one wants to deal with “that”).
Like I said, it’s too late, I’m not interested in sex anymore. The only thing that I want now is to be “suprised” just like everybody else is when they hear that someone is a Virgin.
Currently I don’t get it. I was the funny looking dude back when I was a student. I sorta agreed on some level, I mean I saw it in the mirror too. So who wants to see you naked? Who wants sex with the ugly dude? No one, clearly. So how are people shocked that the ugly dude never got laid? At 16 let’s say, it was “you gonna get a girl, yeah right”, then 4 short years later at 20 it’s “you never had a girl, are you for-real?”. What happened in those 4 years? I didn’t get any better looking, I know that. When did you all change your minds? That’s what I’m missing. When did sex apply to me, the unattractive guy that you’ve all made fun of? At first it didn’t, now it’s a shock that it hasn’t happened…I want to be suprised too.
I’m not done either, I’ll address the “Hooker” topic as well. That’s always the “answer”, go see a Prostitute. Let’s say I do, and have my bumbling sex with one, a total of 1 minute, or less if she’s lucky. Now what? Am I like everyone else now? Can I write an article now with lame graphs and weird figures like in the above? Can I make fun of Virgins now? (“You’re 50 and never had sex before? God, you suck!…meanwhile in my mind…”Well, I just lost my virginity at 48 to a hooker an hour ago, but anyway, YOU SUCK chump!) Am I a Man now? As I was bumbling-humping, was I somehow downloading “pick-up” lines and “one-liners” in my mind and now I “get it”.
Get what? I had sex only once and had to pay for it! It’s not proof of anything! It doesn’t mean that I could’ve gotten laid years ago, and by the way, I’m still unattractive, so it doesn’t mean that I will get laid again, via a normal non-paying manner. So you still suck, and worse, someone else now knows, the hooker that is. I could never ever see how you’ll get this alleged “confidence” that everyone talks about when you “finally” lose your virginity.
The hooker is not really a “solution” by the way. That’s just the knee-jerk reaction. “Just get a hooker dammit!” The issue with older male virgins is not really about virginity, it’s that we feel we don’t count as a person. We’re too aware of how we’re viewed. Throwing us into a sexual experience doesn’t really “fix it”. (I’ve read about sex surrogates, with psychotherapists triage sessions, they mess you up even more). I guess we are no longer a Virgin, but like I said above, we’re still not like “everbody else” either. The hooker route creates a new stigma that we now have to keep to ourselves. (“So you lost your virginity to a hooker? At 49? You’re f***** up)! I compare it to a bum: “Just give him money dammit!” You can give a homeless person 10,000 in a glass game-show case. A 100,000 even. It doesn’t matter. Is he like you now? Is he OK and just like everyone else now? He’s set now? I don’t think so. The bum’s issue is not really the money (just like the non-sex is to the male virgin). The issue is the same: He doesn’t count and he knows it.
Still not done, I’ve been online, and done online ads, for two whole years, no one likes the male virgin. “I’d run away as fast as my legs can take me”, or “The Uni-Bomber, he was a virgin you know”. When you read stuff like this, you basically never had a chance. I remember one younger girl who somehow just *knew* this in regards to virginity: “It’s pretty simple really. If you never had sex before, but it’s due to a religious or spiritual reason, that’s hot. But if it’s due to just no reason, nobody wants you”. How did she know this? Where was this taught? Do parents know this? Do Grandparents? Does my 79 year old Grandma know this? Is this just “common knowledge”? Again, I want to be surprised too.
What really kills me are the posting by some ladies, to me even, that “Male Virginity is Hot”. That’s a red flag, that’s like some skeevy old guy saying, “I like hanging by the park and watching cute little kids playing”.
If you think that a 36 year old virgin is hot, there’s something wrong. There’s only two things I can say when I hear that: You either feel sorry for me, or you want a “conquer”, and I definitely don’t want part of either of those situations.
I don’t want “MDA Jerry Lewis Telethon” sex, where I’m clearly the Joke in society, yet “everything’s gonna be OK”. In my mind, you’ve been with tons of real dudes who know what they’re doing and can please you way better, there’s no way a Virgin like me is “the next best thing” for you.
And for those “conquering”, I’ve read their posts: “Yeah, you can do anything you want to them, they’d be really receptive. You can demonstrate that *This is sex* and they really wouldn’t know the difference because they’re virgins.” I don’t want that, full-stop, call me picky, but no. That’s just a full seizure of someone, and they have no clue the whole time which is very sad. I don’t want “Yeah, you’re gonna be great, I can tell”, meanwhile she’s winking to her webcam right before I’m gonna be devoured. How is someone Seizing your virginity, going to empower you? It doesn’t, it empowers them.
Sorry, I’m almost done, this all just comes out as I’m typing this out, and I’m very sorry. The best thing I can do is “tie”. I can only have sex with a fellow Female InCel, because there’d be no One-upping, no controlling, and we’re both in the same boat.
I’ve learned a lot while aging and being an older male virgin. I’m not fat, I’m not in a wheelchair, but that’s not the “pick-up” line either. “Just your being you” like Mister Rogers used to say doesn’t mean anything to anyone. It’s about attraction and attraction-level. My life would be totally different if I was a better looking person, full stop.
Sex & Dating IS NOT about logic (to borrow David D’Angelo’s article I used to subscribe to…which was lame anyway because that’s all he kept on saying). People in Yahoo or MSN articles like to compare it to a Job Interview…no. That itself is logical: someone needs someone with a certain set of skills, if you have it, you’ll get the job. Dating is not like that. I’ll never forget there was this girl on the internet dating site who said “I like Hispanic men, I like Hispanic culture and want to learn Spanish”. I figured “This sound like me! A no brainer! At least an online buddy even”. I replied (quick note as the “experts” say) but no response. Why? She’s not attracted to you.
Attraction is just is, there are no “1-2-3 Steps” to getting someone to like you. That’s what everyone wants: How can I make him/her like me? You can’t *make* someone like you. It’s like saying there are steps to liking the color Blue. You either do or you don’t. If there were 1-2-3 steps, then homeless people would just “get” supermodels all the time, because, hey, they followed the steps!
I’ve heard it all: Get a cool shirt (I can do that), then walk down to the club (I can do that too), then order a drink (that’s easy, so far so good). So what do you do next when you turn around away from the bartender? That’s where the “advice” gets vague: start up a conversation (Well, what you say)? Say anything…comment on things in the club or on the TV, you know. It’s sound all like trial and error, where nothing is really guaranteed. And this is what the whole “suprise” reaction is based on when finding out someone around my age is “still” a virgin? A non-guarantee?
The question the “experienced” folk like to drop is “Well why haven’t you had sex yet?” Again there’s no steps. That question is making it sound like “I ask because all you had to do is….” Is what? Someone has to like you back too don’t they? Again, you can’t make someone like you. It’s not like there’s a girlfriend isle in the market where you can go grab one, or two even, off the shelf. Then just bring them home and they’re just *yours*. If that were the case, then that question is valid: “Well why haven’t you had sex yet? I ask because all you had to do is go down to the supermarket….” Bottom line, someone has to want to too. I can’t have a girl choose to want me back, that’s all on her end. By the way I’m the involuntary celibate virgin, who wants you anyway?
Sex is the only natural “want” in humans, it is not a “need”. Sex if you think about it is not really for *you* either. The purpose of sex if to procreate the species. The issue is that it’s been assigned a status. And if you’ve never achieved this status, you’re stigmatized.
I remember some dude posting his story upon finding out his girlfriend is “still” a Virgin. He said “it’s like meeting someone who never had water in their life before” and he couldn’t understand it. I understand it, no-one ever looks at it from the virgin’s point of view.
If you never had water before, you’re a goner. If you go long without food, you die too. If you never had sex before, what happens? If you never kissed anyone before, what happens? If you never had a girlfriend, what happens to you? If you never been to the strip bar, what happens? I’ve been to the strip bar, and what happened? Nothing. You’re fine. Personally, I’m pretty fit and in good health. But you have to keep it all to yourself because nobody wants that. It is not welcomed, anytime or anywhere.
The best way I can sum up all this is the “Three Post Cards” theory. I’m holding that first one in my left hand that I got way back when I was a student from “the masses” basically saying that “Yup, you’re one ugly dude. You think you’re gonna get a girl…impossible!” Like I said above, I saw it too. In my right hand I’m holding the third one from the masses saying “You’re how old and never even kissed a girl…impossible!” Do you see what I’m saying here? One says “Girl?…impossible” and the other says “No Girl?…impossible”. When was the second post card sent out? What does is say on it?
Does it say: You’re still ugly, but you, even you, can now can get a girl, because __________”. What’s that because? Fill in that blank, because, like I said, I want to be “surprised” too. And I don’t believe, AT ALL IN THE LEAST, that having sex, fumbling sex, once, (with a prostitute, or a pity lay, with a “conquerer” or via a “tie” as I’ve spelled out above) would give me that answer….
Very interesting article. You’re a good writer, I can give you that.
I’ll tell you now that I don’t quite agree on your standards lol, but I’m not going to condemn you for them of course.
I’m not a virgin. I had sex one time, with a very experienced guy, so it was a lot of fun. Not awkward, no “what the heck am I supposed to do with that??” moments. But I ultimately regretted my decision, because I have never been one to have a “fling” or a one-night-stand.
At the time, I tried to convince myself that I could do it, but what I really wanted was a life-time commitment (I know, go ahead and gag).
I’m now engaged to a 26 year old man who IS a virgin, by choice. I imagine if he read this article he would want to start debating your views right away haha. He is quite the opposite of you in the fact that he has always WANTED to find just ONE person to fall in love with, marry, and spend the rest of his life having sex with. I happen to be that lucky girl. Is our first time in bed going to be amazing? Haha who knows. But it will be fun nonetheless.
Give up the porn! Seriously. Or at least cut down.
Guys who substitute porn for real human interaction (for whatever reason: late-bloomers, painful shyness, saving themselves for someone special) all have the same dysfunctional sexual habits. I’ve seen it over and over (and over and over). Real sex, real good sex, doesn’t look much like a scene in a porno. I always know when a guy I’m with for the first time has more experience with porn than with flesh and blood women and let me tell you they’re kind of sad. I’d rather a guy be awkward (OK, 10 years ago when I was still in my 20s I’d rather a guy be awkward – now that I’m older they better damn well know what they’re doing) and sweet than pretend he’s auditioning for a role in an amateur porno.
When it’s a choice, though, abstaining from sex can be very powerful.
Patanjali said something about chastity and subtle potency.
I’ve written a lot about celibacy on my blog:
http://awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com/2008/10/most-ridiculous-sticking-point-ever.html
http://awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com/2008/10/full-circle.html
Inviting you over, love to dialogue some more
Hi,
Thanks a lot for sharing your unique perspective over these matters… I too agree with your thoughts here. Thanks again for your insights…
Well, there is a bright side of involuntary virginity.
1: You know you’re clean. Except for blood transfusion you won’t get STDs. (note: HIV is bloodborne not just an STD)
2: You avoid being accused of cheating.
3: You avoid divorce.
4: Women are expensive! You can avoid needless debt.
5: You avoid women cheating on you.
I myself am a 28 yo male virgin. And disagree with most of what you say. I mean were talking about sex here, not brain surgery. Whats the big deal? The problem is that society, i.e. movies, TV, and media, puts weak ideas of what a man should be in this day and age. So this is for all you guys out their who are still virgins. Its all in your head, plain and simple. You need to be proud, and not ashamed of who you are. That alone will make you respect yourself, and gain a womens respect.
It wasn’t until here recently in society that these stereo types came about. Being a man with standards and morals used to be considered a strength. Just look back at the WWII generation, men were men back in those days. Now not so much, and look what happens. Single parents everywhere you look, kids lacking some major input on their growth. Marriages failing at an astonishing rate, and the all around degradation of morals and standards. Ignore all that bull that comes out of the sewer pipe and be your own man.
I’m a good looking guy, drive a 68 Dodge Charger, make good money, and play in a rock band. Theirs nothing shy or timid about my personality at all. More than likely more masculine and dominate than 95% of men out their. Ive got everything going for me. OMG I’m not getting laid! Cry me a river…. So you can pack all those stereo types where the sun don’t shine. I don’t have unrealistic ideas about fairytale love, or guarding my virginity with an ironclad fist. I just wont compromise my standards for a quick lay. And Ive had a lot of opportunity’s for those.
Maybe a lot of guys out their have low self esteem about not getting laid. And honestly a women will not respect a man who doesn’t respect himself. So you need to change the way you look at yourself and turn it into a strength first and foremost. Because no matter how much you get laid, in the end the guys with this mentality will end up alone, because their lacking some major qualities. The type of qualities that will enable a long lasting and loving relationship. Such as honesty, integrity, being supportive, understand and trustworthiness.
So don’t by into the notion that your only worthy if your getting laid. Lol, pickup artist. A guy with painted fingernails, mardi gras beads, a pink furry hat, and couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag. Sure take advise from this guy, go get LAID by trashy women! More than likely most of you guys that are not getting laid have a lot to offer a women. Realize that, and be proud of those things! Then you will be able to approach a women with confidence knowing that your a real man. Not some pansy who’s out just to get laid.
Its completely psychological. You won’t die if you won’t get laid. Maybe your genes won’t make it to the next century, but who cares. You can adopt a child. Just like those women who hold out for ‘the one’ and never commit themselfs will have a child on their own. I do what I can, but there is now a huge statistical evidence that women don’t feel chemistry with me. I know women who only feel chemistry for the wrong guys who abuse them, even though she wants to marry the right guy how can she tell him that sex is out of the question. So everybody has his/her own problem get over it and find pleasure in something else. Married couples will stop having sex after a while anyway. I only want to have fun and laugh so I go dancing, play bowling and observe body language and laugh at how awkward those allegedly perfect alpha males are. Try to look at a 4’11” girl and a 6’3” guy couple when they try to kiss. (That same girl found you short for being just 5’5”.) Or when your female friend tells you that her boyfriend is such a jerk and you are such a nice guy. Well if you let yourself led by your hormones funny things can happen. And all this doesn’t happen to you so you are lucky not attracting women.
@Anonymous,
Yes, you avoid all of those things, which all have various levels of risk, but what’s the point if you don’t get to enjoy sex. Sometimes it’s worth taking a minimal risk in order to get a greater reward.
I could avoid the risk of being hit by car by locking myself in my apartment for my entire life, but that would really suck. I’d rather go outside and take a minimal risk of being hit by a car in order to enjoy exploring the world. See what I’m saying?
@Boss,
That’s a nice little rant you have there and do agree with some of what you say, which also corresponds to things I was talking about in the original post. You’re right is a head game and all those involuntary virgins out there certainly need to take pride in themselves, keep a high self esteem, etc. However, for a lot of guys, it’s not easy to have a lot of self worth when women are constantly rejecting you, creating a negative feedback loop, hence the “Virginity Catch 22.”
Ok, well you sound like you got your shit together and have standards. Good for you. So, why are you a 28 year old virgin again? It seems to me that you are basically voluntarily celibate, no? Either that or your standards are the tune of super model status.
@J.K.,
This is a very cynical and disturbing comment. It sounds to me like you’ve reached that point in your life where you are so frustrated that you are writing off sex completely. And now, as evidenced by your comment, you come up with all kinds of reasons to justify living a life without sex.
Sure you won’t die if you don’t get laid, you won’t pass on your genes, you won’t have to deal with the difficulties of a sexless marriage later in life, etc. You are essentially saying that sex is a useless endeavor in the big picture of things… maybe you’re right. However, I think you are missing the whole point of sex on it’s most basic and natural level, that of a pleasurable, intimate, gratifying experience with a good woman! For that reason alone, in my opinion, is certainly worth the pursuit.
I took my bf’s virginity when he was 48, I was 23. I’ve slept with about 8 guys, some serious, I have a child from a previous relationship. I must say I love older male virgins. I am not turned on by a walking disease who’s slept with 1000 women. Being assertive, confident, and having a temper, I like a shy, quiet, calm guy, they tend to rub off on me. Plus with older male virgins, money generally isn’t an issue, you don’t have to worry about psycho exes, and baggage (oops I met to say kids) from previous relationships. Yes, I am a mom, and I WOULD NOT date a man with kids. My boyfriend is the sexiest man in the world, gray balding head, wrinkles, and all. I love his mind, he’s very smart, great with my child. He is the marrying type and how no woman scooped him up when he was young I’ll never understand. Now if I could only figure out how to get him to pop the question…
@ Anna,
Here’s the thing, it sounds like you are selecting your 48 year old boyfriend as a “Provider” and not so much out of sexual desire and attraction. And why wouldn’t you, he’s probably got a stable job with money, he’s good with the kid and likely to be an excellent family man, no doubt. Of course, that’s because it’s all he can do. The guy is more than twice your age, why hasn’t he been in a relationship?
You have already had your fun playing the game, had some type of relationships with eight guys, popped out a kid and now your ready to nest, as indicated by your wish for marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not doubting your love for this guy, but your motives appear to more of a safety net than attraction.
Let me ask you this, would you be willing to have another kid with this guy? Would you be willing to sign a prenuptial agreement? Would you still have a relationship with him if he was poor?
35 year old male virgin here. Personally, I’ve done my own research(courtesy of my bestest friend in the whole f—-n’ world, Google.com) and have read acticles(no, not porn sites….blogs) of first-hand accounts of what intimate sexual intercourse with a woman is really like(or at least can be like). I don’t have the link, but you can search for yourself. Frankly, I don’t see the big deal with sexual intercourse itself. I mean, sure, if you’re born confident, don’t have debt, make tons of f—-n’ ca$h, don’t live with mom & dad, are very good looking, don’t have any “baggage” or “issues”(whatever that means this minute) and will be willing to doormat yourself to any one woman’s most irrational and ridiculous whims, and then put your whole future well being in question via marriage(66% divorce rate/alimony, anyone???), then sure, you can experience that once-in-a-lifetime, love-of-your-life, fairy-tale, “soul-uniting”(if you’re religious) blahblahblahblah-whatever “girl of your dreams”-type “relationship”. Of course we all know(if we’re smart) that it is, for most everybody(especially in today economy(thanks Bu$h, Clinton–BOTH parties are F—ed, don’t kid yourself), just a pipe dream. What am I saying??? It’s ALL ABOUT THE $$$$$, folks.
And why the F— can’t I look at a little porn sometimes??? It isn’t the real explicit kind, and I only “indulge” myself, at MOST, once a week(not that it’s anyone’s f—in’ business). All men have sexual urges(at least almost all); unfortunately for me, I do too, though not nearly like I used to(thank god). I never wanted kids(which I always thought was the exclusive purpose and goal with sex). There are other, just as stimulating and rewarding, ways to feed your urges, people(even with other people or just by your lonesome) than regular penis-to-vagina intercourse, which, if you’re like me and DON’T WANT kids, will very likely, eventually, potentially, cause you a LIFETIME of regret. Sure, some people(mostly WOMEN), get to be “asexual” and not have urges(wooohooo; lucky for them), but most of us aren’t that lucky. Sure some of you guys are the societally-desired “perfect” macho-man “alpha” type, who knew from birth what you wanted to be and are stocked to the gills with pride, confidence, admiration, charm, “balls”, “looks”, ca$$$$$$$$$h(the MOST important one, folks) and are regular f—in’ Ted Nugents(or so they claim)…..again, MOST of us are not that fortunate(and never will be).
Look, we were all put on this earth involuntarily, due to either purpose or accident, by our parents decision(probably while drunk) to fall in love, then get married(or not), and then f— without a condom(or a torn one(it happens)). Simple as that. No God, no “divine intervention”, no “destiny”, no horoscope, no “stars”, no reincarnation punishment/reward. We are purely biological entities, living out a biological process. We all have free will, as intelligent human beings with advanced, evolved, developed brains, to know better than to fall into the mindf— known as “God”, religion, or on the secular level “therapists” and all the brainwashing it/they force people into regarding intimate human relationships. That “I want to spend duh rest of my life wif you!” feeling you get when you meet “That Someone Special™”, is just chemicals in your F—in’ brain, people……..nothing “magical”, nothing “spiritual” at all.
One thing you need to do, like what I did, is this: quit alcohol for good, quit overeating, exercise(you NEED strength), quit “smokes”, quit coffee and other caffeinated beverages, quit eating processed foods with all their government-sanctioned brainwash chemicals like “soy lecithin”(sp?) etc., and quit being brainwashed by the f—in’ IDIOT BOX, known as your television. The ENTIRE mass media(CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, FOX NEWS, etc., as well as all “entertainment”(BRAINWASH) mediums) outlets are SPECIFICALLY designed by the GOVERNMENT to f— with your head, demoralise you, dehumanise you, and make you feel like TOTAL SH-T about yourself! They’ll tell you you’re inferior because you’re “whitey”, because you’re “poor”, because you’re an American, because you’re “from the South” or “from the Midwest”(me), because you “live with your parents”(me), because you “never kissed a girl”(me)……..and blah blah blah and F—in’ Blah AGAIN AND AGAIN AND F—IN’ AGAIN………for the rest of your God Damn F—in’ LIFE…..only if you let them!!!
BUT YOU HAVE A CHOICE! What’s that choice, you ask??? TELL “THEM” TO F—IN’ SHOVE “IT” UP THEIR F—IN’ AIDS-INFESTED A–HOLES! LEAVE YOUR SO-CALLED “FRIENDS”! SHUT OFF THE TV! READ A GOOD BOOK INSTEAD(A CLASSIC….NOT SOME MODERN, BRAINWASH GARBAGE). TAKE UP A CAUSE, DO SOME RESEARCH, WORK OUT EVERY DAY, LEARN, LEARN, LEARN(NEVER STOP LEARNING!)……..AND TELL THESE BRAINWASH AGENTS, THESE “COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION” F—WADS TO DO AS THOSE F-GGOTS DO BEST………….F— THEMSELVES!!!
I’ll conclude by “pasting” this timeless, invaluable information I got somewhere else via my very dear and personal good friend……..GOOGLE:
“…in the early mornings, sit still in an upright cross legged position.
breathe in deeply and slowly and let the breath out evenly and slowly
while LETTING the energy pass THROUGH YOU… This will take much
repetition and practice to be able to ‘let it go’ probably 30 days of
doing this every day for 1 solid hr at the same time each day…but
the result will be an empowering that is incomprehensible! You will be
one in a hundred million that truly is seeking the path of non
attachment to the illusory inducements. In this you will find FREEDOM
and a clear mind that you never thought possible. 30 days at least or
don’t even start…it DOES take diligence.
I did not mention one important aspect of step 4. Breathe in thru the
nose, out thru the mouth, ALWAYS. Let the energy go THROUGH instead of
attaching your mind and attention to it. Early mornings are the best
time because that is when the greatest impulses of sexual energy
occur…
If you are successful, you will find that the greatest sex you have
ever had will pale in comparison to the feeling you will be LIVING,
having gone BEYOND it.”
THAT IS F—IN’ GOOD SH-T, PEEPS.
@ just a regular nobody,
Dude, that was a long ass rant. Is it me or do you sound a bit jaded?
Also, I think you covered every conceivable topic whilst trying to make sense of one – male virginity.
This quote from above, though it sounds believable, it’s still a tough nugget to swallow for those that have never had the experience of great sex, or any sex for that matter. You can’t make comparisons to those things that you’ve never experienced…
@ Matt Savage,
Yes I am jaded. So what.
“Also, I think you covered every conceivable topic whilst trying to make sense of one – male virginity.”
That’s called the big picture. Everybody wants to make people like me feel guilty for who i am(but then HYPOCRITICALLY ask ME not to “judge” THEM?????????). If you lose your virginity at age 37 or whatever(or even 19, for you kids), then(like the other guy up there said), it’s “OMG!!!!! You…..you, mean…..you(OMG) NeV3R hAd sExxxxxxxxORx B-4 dAt!!! U sIcK fReaK!!! U l00K @ pORN, OMG!!!!! u muS B sUm pEDo w3ird0!!!!! OMG!!!!!”…..you know, the typical immature, ignorant, childish id response from the brainwashed masses of “wymyn” under 50(or 60 probably now…….thanks hippies).
“”If you are successful, you will find that the greatest sex you have ever had will pale in comparison to the feeling you will be LIVING, having gone BEYOND it”
This quote from above, though it sounds believable, it’s still a tough nugget to swallow for those that have never had the experience of great sex, or any sex for that matter. You can’t make comparisons to those things that you’ve never experienced…”
At least I can imagine it being better, or assume it is. What’s the harm? Why do you care??? Whatever makes people happy. Most of the 6.5 BILLION people in the world already assume sex is the single greatest experience, why??? Becuase SOCIETY(the GLOBAL cabal of mass media, corporations and governments), basically the Powers That Be on this F—ed up planet want to brainwash as many poor saps as possible into creating as many future SLAVES(a.k.a. children) as possible(the System ALWAYS needs as many new SLAVES as it can get). Why do I have to be pushed around by that erroneous way of thinking??? WHy do I have to be “othered” just because I chose(and basically had to) live a way of life without the trivial, fleeting physical pleasure of sexual intercourse, which consequences can(and othen DO) FAR outweigh any momentary “benefits”(the biological/sensory feeling of one’s sexual glands being stimulated by friction and the momentary rush of blood known as “orgasm”. Guess what else gets the blood flowing? LIFTING WEIGHTS….or how about JOGGING IN PLACE? You want a “higher state”? How about meditation(like the quote I posted, which has been practiced in various forms by monks of various faiths since ancient times).
Hypocrites like to claim they “live and let live”, and believe in “whatever makes you happy, as long as you’re not hurting anyone”, except for the one MODERN taboo, VIRGINITY, which goes against the modernist thinking that you should be f-cking like a rabbit everything in sight and “getting laid” or else you’re a “prude” or a “religious right-wing fascist nutcase” blahblahblah…. Nothing is ever assumed GOOD about the male virgin ESPECIALLY. Alot of women will LIE TO YOUR FACE and pretend to show you simpathy and that “u seem L!K a NICE GUY!” when REALLY they HATE you, besause you’re “just another loser” who doesn’t “add up” to their ideal of the obscenely extroverted, macho-man, “ALpha”, obscene, violent “bad boy” type they REALLY are “hot” for…..THEN when they’re A$$hole Hitler of a boyfriend finally knocks their teeth in, THEN they come begging for the good guy’s simpathy…….well, guess what???? F you, c-nt! You deserved it for your thousands of years of DELIBERATE dysgenic mating and reproductive activities with all the @$$HOLES you chose for the shallow purpose of “giving you a good f-cking”, right you sluts??????? That’s right; MY world(that’s MY LIFE) has been the victim of DYSGENIC MATING RITUALS BY MOST WOMEN WHO ONLY GO AFTER THE “BAD BOYS” AS POTENTIAL MATING PARTNERS……so that even if I wanted ONE damn night of nothing but non-sexual companionship with another women…….FORGET IT! I’m not “COOL”, they say(meaning I’m not the typical @$$hole male dog subhuman, predatory, knuckle-dragging ANIMALISTIC MORON!).
I’m just wondering if it still counts as sex if you do it with a robot? And yes, this is a serious question. I’m a misanthrope who harbours a deeply rooted loathing for the entire human race in general and actually find the idea of having a long-term relationship with anyone, regardless of whether they’re male or female, distasteful. Moreover, factor in my limited financial means as a 22 year old uni student ,as well as my phobia of contracting H.IV., and that rules out the possibility of doing it for the first time with a hooker. So you can see why it’s important that I clarify if having intercourse with a robot actually counts as ”real” sex.
Wow. Good article man. Actually I’m not as old as a lot of the otha guys here. I’m 18 and my closest friends have alost ther virginity (except 1). The reason I think most guys haven’t lost their virginity is because they feel inadequate when compared to other males. My problem is that I’ve watched porn and wonder if my penis is large enough. I mean I would like for it 2 b larger because wen compared 2 pornstars like “Ramon” I feel like my penis is the size of a baby carrot. But sex is somewhat a big deal to me because I’m the 3rd oldest in my crew but some of the younger guyz have already lost their virginity. I’m currently talking to this girl but she wants to have sex and the one thing I can neva get out of my mind is if my penis is big enough. But the point I was supposed 2 b making is that some of the guys who have left comments seem to still be virgins due to their lack of social skills. If anything you should just go out to a bar or a club and try 2 find a quality girl I mean come on, its not that hard to talk 2 women. When it getz down 2 it, if u tell her ur a virgin she will understand, and if I am correct I hear thatz also a turn on for the female in question
Well I’m updating after 3 months since my last posts here(on Feb. 17) just to say that the simple meditation(breathing) advice I found on Google, some of which I shared here, has effectively eliminated any need for me to masturbate at all for what is now over 3 months! Right after I typed my angry posts(back when I wasn’t sure I could resist the usual weekly/semi-weekly bond that was my masturbation addiction) I decided to put into practice the breathing advice one morning right after I woke up with the typical “woody”, while still in bed…….it worked! Within minutes, and while just laying down(NOT in any fancy-dancy lotus or “Buddha” position) I found the CURE to my(at that point) 23-year addiction to masturbation…..and now EVER since then when I’ve had the urge to masturbate(whether in bed or sitting in my chair, or even in the shower), it WORKS! No religion! No “therapy”! No “spiritual journey” or any other type of trite, wastful nonsence! Just a SIMPLE breathing technique that only takes me MINUTES(NOT hours!) has EXTINQUISHED a 23-YEAR habit which was draining my energy and wasting way too much of my time, and now I’m forever FREE of it! I haven’t been feeling this good since I can’t remember…..I’ve lost at least 35 pounds since the start of this year, I’m exercising 6 days/week and lifting heavier weights in my workouts than I have in nearly 1o YEARS, and I’m probably going to grow back all my hair as well! When you eliminate the need to masturbate you find your mind at ease, knowing that all the globalist corporate/government-driven smut media has absolutely ZERO effect on your newfound identity as a CIVILIZED, EVOLVED MALE who realizes habitual sex(of fantasies of such) is NOT in one’s own best interest in an overcrowded planet with widespread diseases, poverty and HUNGER, thanks in no small part to the GLOBO-CORPORATE FASCIST SHADOW WORLD GOVERNMENT that CONTROLS THE SHEEPLE MEDIA(like MTV) and tells you that you are nothing without your “sexual health”(BIGGEST. CROCK. OF. SHIT. EVER. PERPETUATED. AGAINST. HUMANITY.). No folks, the ONLY “sexual health” against our diseased human species(thanks to dysgenic(“bad boy”) female mating preferences!) is ABSTINENCE. Good luck!
at 56 i am Britain’s oldest male virgin.and proud of it .i have done five TV shows .from 1999.to last one in nov 08 and from what i have seen on these shows i have not missed much.
Honestly if any1 wantz 2 lose their virginity, find a friend and have sex wit them. Thatz wat I did and as da article states itz nothin afta you’ve done it. All the time I was wondering bout losing it and how thingz wud b. Ur 1st time is nothin more than a chance to peek ur interest, from there u begin having sex 2 get better. And I am awesome XD made her cum my 1st time
Hey there, i thought your posts were quite enlightening and informative. You should come in and have a chat on our forum sometime (i sound like a bot, but im not. Seriously. im not. I’ll say a random word. Look, Penguin.)
Anyways, Check out The paragon project.
http://paragonproject.com/forums/index.php
You’re an intelligent individual, and im sure you’ll fit in quite well in our community. Im not a recruiter, nor am i being paid to do this. However i noticed that you are quite knowledgable, and you ‘know your shit’.
-Sin
i still would like to know ,am i the oldist male virgin at 56 in the western world,and yes iam still prood of the fact,there can only be one.and i must wait for her.if i do not find her ,so be it .dont up wait for the one and only.it is only those that,are not virgins that dont understand why you must wait to you find the right one.
I think it’s just a matter of choice for some. Some males prefer virgin before tying the knot or some are just scared to the consequences after the deed like getting the girl pregnant.
Interesting how the just a regular nobody uses the f word consistently throughout his post. Lose the attitude and maybe some gal will want you…sex is on of the most beautiful human experiences and expressions of love and caring that there is in this life. If it wasn’t natural, we wouldn’t so nicely fit together…
“No Prude, Just a Nice Girl”, you say “sex is on[sp] of the most beautiful human experiences and expressions of love and caring that there is in this life”……….oh right, because there’s no other better way to experience life or to love someone else than having sex, right? Like actually helping people or being friendly to others or contributing in some way positively towards the betterment of society, even if you’re a *gasp* virgin isn’t enough to make one anything other than a “prude” which you put so jokingly as a back-handed insult towards me………well newsflash, there are such people as asexuals, you know, people who don’t practice or need sex and are perfectly self-accepting without it and are equally accepting of others like them; but you’re “cooler” than that, right? Just dismiss them as prudes, right? That’s exactly what shallow, close-minded idiots like you are about, because most people like you have to base your whole lives and sense of self-worth on what “others”(read: sheeple) think of you; most of you aren’t even close to being open-minded enough to possibly accept or even imagine a paradigm of ideology that DOESN’T put sex front-and-center of a so-called “normal, functioning human being”. All you do, by judging us as prudes and by lecturing us on how you think we can be “normal” like you, is dismiss, marginalize and reject us in the very same manner in which women, racial minorities and gays had been marginalized, rejected, ostracised and “other”ed in the past(though for the most part they’re accepted very well today; well unless they’re *GASP* VIRGINS!). That’s ok through……just keep being a “good liberal”, keep mocking others who share different values and lifestyle practices in which you can’t relate to or understand in order to feel better about yourself, and please disregard the meaning of what I’ve said before and concentrate SOLELY on the “f word”s, as you put it, simply because you(and most of the sheeple like you) are too stupid to understand anything other than “follow the leader” and “go along to get along” so that the czars who control global bullsh-t “society” can see you sheepily going along and only accepting and propogating the bullsh-t that they have BRAINWASHED you and practically everyone else in the world into doing…..whether by religion or by “pop culture”(l.o.l.)…………..
No Prude, Just a Nice Girl said “If it wasn’t natural…”(meaning sex).
Poison mushrooms are natural, too; doesn’t mean we should eat them.
Ever hear of STDs or overpolulation……no of course not; you were too busy calling me a prude and focusing of the word “fuck” to make sense.
I happen to be a 42 yr old male virgin. It’s not by choice! My elderly parents needed someone to take care of them. You try and have a social life when your father is diabetic and your mother has two detached retnas! In this day and age of AIDS knowing that your girl or guy hasn’t been sleeping around is more comforting than getting laid 3 and 4 times a day! Ok so I’m ugly fat guy with a big nose. Not even a woman like Liza manelli or fat opera would want to have sex with me:( If I tried pay one of those fat black hookers $2k in
manhattan Ide get refused. I thought there was hope for me:( you see it all the time on Jerry springer, these attractive women with ugly guys for boyfriends. I guess I’ll be the first to die a virgin. Maybe I’ll just get it over with and swallow this whole bottle of paxil,and just die:-(::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
This sounds just like a buddy of mine. I’ll tell him to read this post and he just might lose his v-card.
holy fuck i feel for the virgins
i’m 45 and still a virgin. my advice for any guy over 35 and still a virgin is give up. it’s not going to happen, don’t even try it’s only going to lead to more misery and more rejection. i’m sorry it sounds cruel but it’s the truth and my fellow virgins know it.
I’m not a virgin but I might as well be. Nothing worse than being a horny kid, desperate just to lose that stigma, then failing the first chance you get. Then the next, and the next and the next. I can’t blame it on the women, they were perfectly understanding and wanted to give me another chance. OK, I did mange to pull it off once, when I was 20, one drunken night. Sorry, that doesn’t do it. Odd, since I got off to a good almost-start, making out, etc. Several women have told me I was a very good kisser, except I’ve kissed maybe twice in the past 25 years. (Currently a few years on the dark side of 50.)
There are other issues than need to be mentioned. I was treated for depression – therapy, not medication – when I was about 12. An alcoholic from an alcoholic family, the drinking kicked in at about 15, before failure number one.
Nothing about me outwardly fits the virgin stereotype. I was something of a “freak” in high school but hey, it was the 70s. I’m generally considered good-looking, smart, have a sharp sense of humor and can make people laugh. I’ve always had good peer relations and friends. My closer friends know I have little or no experience, but most people, including most women, would be surprised to learn of my celibacy.
I had an epiphany during my senior year of college. I was walking one evening to cheap-pitcher night at one of the campus dives, thinking about a girl I had always had a crush on who had finished school and left town and who, a few years prior, had seemed interested. When the “truth” reared its ugly head: “Look, dipshit (speaking to myself). No, you’re not going to “get your shit together” one day and have a sex life. Here you are in a Disneyland of pussy and all you do is get shitfaced every night and sit around with a bunch of asshole clowns farting and telling dirty jokes.”
I tried to think of what a “date” would be like, but I couldn’t. Do what? Talk about what? I’m bored, boring and irritable when I’m not drinking, and what kind of woman wants to sit around watching some guy drink ten or twelve beers? Unless she’s pretty much of a dweeb herself she’s been with a few guys who know what they’re doing and, even if I could pull it off, there’s no way the sex would be any good.
This essentially set my life’s course. At an age that should have been my most sexually active I had given up. I didn’t see celibacy as something I willed on myself but simply acknowledging “the writing on the wall.” Rejection had never really been the issue, but a visceral feeling that I don’t deserve it and I’m not up for it.
There’s obviously a lot of alcoholic self-loathing going on, and depression and alcoholism go hand in hand. Throughout my adult life, I have been functional, had decent if not particularly lucrative jobs. I’ve even managed to have some fun, and there have been several times when I know women have been interested. But I developed a connubial version of the old Groucho Marx joke: I would never be interested in any woman who would accept me. I would assume she’s pathetic and desperate. Especially by their late 30s, a lot of women do get desperate at the prospect of never getting married. I would never be anything but consolation prize, because all the first round draft picks are taken, by someone willing to put up with little or no sex who will remember good sex she had during the bloom of youth.
Dwelling on sex inevitably leads to grinding humiliation. I remember in my early 30s, working as a substitute teacher for a while when I was between regular jobs, overhearing these two students talking about sex with their girlfriends. Yes, I know, adolescent males BS a lot, but I could tell this was not a bragging thing. They were good-looking juniors or seniors. I remember thinking that they were already men that I was never going to be. I’ve always had trouble thinking of myself as a “man.” In spite of working out and staying in shape, getting a Black Belt…oh what the fuck.
Even after getting sober in my mid-40s, and getting some relief from the depression thing, I still can’t get passed the inexperience part. I can understand why some women are not attracted to unattached guys. And MOST women to guys who have lived their adult lives alone and never been in a real relationship. Much past mid-30s, a guy who is marriage material is going to be married. Not true with women; there is no shortage of middle-age women who are single for various reasons, especially in my metro area. But they damn well better be suspicious of unattached men, and I’m a case in point.
It’s spilled milk at this point anyway; there’s not way to reclaim my wasted youth. Women in my age group are nearing, in, or through menopause, and the trans-generational thing won’t cut it for me. I would never trust her motives anyway.
Life’s OK. I don’t recommend a celibate life, but it’s doable.
I was a virgin until 21 years old. And not because I wanted to be.
I was painfully shy and not attractive enough for anyone to pay attention to me.
I was tortured by the stigma and my confidence was in the toilet. Women can be judgmental and cruel. My nightmare was to fall in love with an experienced woman while still a virgin.
It got harder and harder to cope and I was seriously depressed and couldn’t connect with any women with this in the way.
So, I went to a hooker.
Okay, not the wisest move–but it worked. With that out of the way I had enough confidence to get moving.
I made sure that I had sex with about 15 women before I went after a relationship. I met her and we’ve been married 25 years.
But I still remember the shame and pain. I never felt the confidence that I believe that I should have if I had sex earlier.
Alot of men seem to have the bravery enough to come out as virgins, I was technically still a virgin till I was 26 due to the fact my penis had not yet enterd any vagina, before that I was making out with both genders once in a great while. It was frustrating and imasculating to know that I haven’t had pu$$y up until that point and it was also an intimidating fact that mst females at my age have not just had quite a few relationships (Boyfriends) but even scarier thought of on countering girls my age that along side having had relationships are the ones that had the FWB’s and many ONS’s and here I was a far less experienced adult male. In my mind I said to the world “HELP! I CAN’T CONTINUE STAYING A VIRGIN!” I’m one of those who had to bide time and believe thsoe who told me “It comes to you when You’re NOT Looking!” I even bought a self help book called The New Male Sexuality because it had a passage in there “Suppose You’re still a Virgin” After I saw that in there I braved up to people an went around like a Gay man coming out of the closet telling people that I was a haven’t had sex with a woman yet virgin” this was when I was about 25, that was bravery and a big leap of faith on my shy nerve.
Of all the unfulfilling make out session between both not having had my penis in a vagina was just an either fuck it or how the held am I ever going to get laid? I went out with a friend of mine one night and I saw a woman who seemed rather ideal to talk to pretty and down to earth. She was with a transvestite friend and my friend started to talk to the trannny so me and pretty woman could shove off and do our thing. That was the fall of my 26th year. YES! My penis was finally enveloped in a vagina! The virginity was finally over.
Between the age of 26 and 32 I had a couple relationships,flings,more make outs, and and a few ONS’s BUT, after 32 I started to worry OMG what if I catch an STD and because of that worry I lost my game completely and became a stark masturbator. This extreme dry spell makes Me feel more virgin than ever but it’s it good thing that I know I’m not. I’m hoping to get a start up somewhere to end the misrable masturbatory dry spell.
Wish Me luck and the rest of you hopeful long term wankers.
Since your very first sex is usually always gonna be crap unless you happen to have a very sweet loving and already somewhat experienced girlfriend you might as well use brute force and go to a quality brothel, just to get your foot in the door.
Get an experienced buddy who takes you to a brothel and picks out a hooker of your choice, talks to her and so on. Use the internet to find one if you like. My guess is the hooker will actually be pleased to experience the thrill of deflowering a guy. She will be very sweet and helpful and understanding. It’s her JOB to do what YOU want.
Sex is only a big deal if you don’t have it.
You’ll be surprised how little you care about it if you’re having it.
Some good observations and some not so good generalizations.
Porn certainly is a great factor, I dare say it even leads to confusion of your overall sexual orientation. Avid porn consumers, ask yourself which porn flic is hotter. The one with the big dicked guy or the average sized? Rhetorical question, I know.
What are you really getting off on then?
Low self-image and shy&nice-guy demeanor as well as putting females on pedestals because of feminist brainwashing are the main keys though.
Took me about 3 decades to shake that off and by now I probably have enough natural game (not giving a fuck) to comfortably get laid, but I don´t want to anymore.
The automatic misogyny(non-hating, just not trusting anymore) one acquires when you starts to really “grok” the female animal and simply the wanning of the breeding and “fuck-drive” leads to a vanishing wish to put up with all the female idiosyncrasies and hypocrisies.
Sorry “ladies” but this meal-ticket has sailed. Looking forward to another 40 years of (relative) peace and quite, observing our quickly out of control spiraling western civilization.
I’m a 26 year old male virgin and quite frankly I’m done with it.
I’m sick of being depressed, anxious, shy, and alone.
I’m going to go out of my way to get laid, by an actual caring woman, this year. If I am still a virgin at 27 I’m going to just pay to get my dick sucked.
If I’m still a virgin to the vagina at 28, I’m liable to do anything.
I am just so sick and fucking tired of feeling like a crushed can.
KABOOM BITCHES.
He was so quiet and shy!
and you never cared.
Older virgins simply care too much in a world that doesn’t give fuck one.
I wish Icould get some e-mails from the vaginally non dipped dudes out there, I know I’ve had my sleigh ride but I’ve been off of that ride for a while now and I don’t know when I’ll get to spin again. Don’t be shy with Me I don’t bite, I understand the plight. sewdavicious@verizon.net
I’m a 24 year old virgin and it’s mainly a result of high social anxiety, too much masturbating in general, and then porn addiction in my early twenties. I’ve had several chances to get laid, but didn’t take advantage of them because of the above reasons. I’m past all that and definitely feel more confident and social with women, but I still need to lose my v card. I’ve read the posts from older men that haven’t lost their virginity. I see similar traits from them in me, and it’s kind of looking at the ghost of Christmas future, which kind of frightens me and motivates me even more to lose it now before it is too late.
I realize, that even though I’m late bloomer, it isn’t too late for me yet. I can still lose my virginity if I put some effort, as I have roughly 10 years to lose it until all hope is lost at around the age of 35. I’ve been reading the older male virgins making rationalizations that sex isn’t necessary. I agree it isn’t necessary, just like getting stoned isn’t necessary or eating mushrooms aren’t necessary. However one thing sex and hallucinogenic drugs have in common is that they are incredible experiences that make you feel alive. You don’t need to do them frequently, but doing them at least a few times a year will at least make life better.
I noticed that when your very young (college-aged), like 18-21. The chances to get laid easily are pretty high especially if you are at least decent looking, however as you get older, it becomes more difficult, and while the chances still come they aren’t as frequent. I think the majority of guys who lose their virginity, lost it because they took advantage of the easy lay. So even though it gets more challenging as they get older, they have the experience to get the harder lays.
The guys such as many who have posted in this blog that never took advantage of those easy chances get screwed over when they get older and realize that they’re gonna need experience to get laid, which they don’t have. I feel that even though when you turn 20, nature seems to go slowly against you in losing your virginity, I’m gonna seize the day and make a full out effort to lose my v-card so I can break the ice. Then after that, if getting laid still is difficult for me, I wouldn’t mind paying hookers once in a blue moon because losing my v-card without paying is very important to me. I’m already doing it now, talking to girls when I get chance to boost my confidence and social skills, it’s an uphill battle for me, but I’m not too far down the hill yet.
As for the older men who have missed the train (35+). There’s no shame in paying a hooker to get laid once in a blue moon. It’s just sex, nothing horrible or amazing is going to happen to you if you do it other than you experiencing the act. Unless you want to be the next Nicola Tesla, Mozart, William Shakespeare or Picasso and want to channel that pent up sexual energy through meditation to invent incredible technological masterpieces, create powerful music, write magnificent scripts and paint beautiful paintings. There really is no other reason to not get laid that is adequate, and I think you can still do the above things if you get laid once in a blue moon.
@Random,
I think you have a pretty good outlook on this and it’s good that you are recognizing some of the patterns that the male virgins in their 30s and 40s are commenting about. Since you’re still fairly young, at 24, you’re not as bad off as you might think, though it is super important that you get working on this shit right now. It’s something you have to get handled before getting into your late 20s or else it’s going to be exponentially more difficult. Good luck dude and be sure to come back and leave a comment when you lose the big V-card.
@Matt,
Thank you, and I’m glad I stumbled on to this article at this time in my life. I have taken appropriate steps to increase my chances to get laid, but in the end it is all about action. I’ll definitely post a comment if I do succeed, whether it takes a week or a year.
agree with Random. I am also 24 and lost it very recently. The girl I did it with was definitely an ‘easy lay’, in the sense that she is a bit naive and inexperienced (though not a virgin before she did me), but I’m happy I did it. I am still seeing her (and getting some useful practice) but don’t plan to keep seeing her for a long time. Even though she has a very nice body (shapely without being fat) I don’t consider her good enough overall.
There’s another girl I like more, so I plan to go after her. She is much more intelligent and more attractive, but like Random said, you need experience to get the more high-status women. You have to at least have an idea of yourself having been with a woman/girl, so you can use that experience as a reference point when you go after the ones you really want.
I don’t know if I qualify as an “older” male virgin, but I’m 22 and I’ve never had sex. Moreover I’ve never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, and I’ve only been on a handful of dates.
I’m not waiting for marriage or anything, but I would like to have sex only with someone who I was dating exclusively. My failure to have sex is just an extension of my failure to get regular dates/a girlfriend. And the reason for that is just that unless I’m at work (a retail job), I never talk to strange women. The few dates I have been on were with women who pretty much started talking to me first and took the initiative. I guess I’m just scared of making unwanted advances and being assertive around women.
Looks wise, I’m fairly decent looking so I don’t think that’s a problem. However I do tend to look much older than I actually am. Often people mistakenly believe I’m in my 30s which tends to turn off younger women (who are actually in my age range) who think I’m too old for them, while older women aren’t interested because I still live with my parents (until I’m done with school) and it looks like I’m some kind of loser. I guess it’s those experiences that made me less confident around women over time.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able gather up enough confidence to start approaching girls and being more assertive around them. Some days I’m more optimistic, others extremely pessimistic. Some of this article makes a a lot of sense, other parts of it don’t apply to me but do sort of make sense. It was a very interesting read nonetheless. Sorry if this was long, but I guess I had a lot to say.
I know for a fact that most guys in here that are still wondering about what it would be like to have your penis shiethed in a vagina because I was one of these guys I was jacking off alot but I didn’t have the internet then but I have been mothballed sexually so I’ve been quite the Peter Beater and I eventually stumbled onto this site http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OnaniaSupport/
Join if you like.
Nice blog, I disagree with your graph though. I don’t think it’s a linear relationship, probably an exponential relaxation curve is more accurate.
You can tell I’m a virgin
25-year old virgin here. Just to set the record straight, I would only have sex in the context of a Godly marriage. I do tire of hearing the “There’s Someone For You Out There” cliche, because I have no control over that. You don’t control something that is predestined. I can’t even be certain if she’s even there or not to begin with. But for the sake of arguing that there is someone, then it has to be a certain girl at a certain time and certain place in my life. I really need to do nothing on my part to make it happen, because if it’s meant to happen, it WILL happen. It hasn’t happened back then and it’s not happening now. I am willing to pay the price of waiting. I’m sure as hell not going to hitch up with the wrong woman.
It took me several years to understand all of this. My old man would always tell me, “TOUGHEN UP!” whenever I would crack under pressure of something. I’ve had to roll with the punches when it came to social interaction. I’ve only dated 3 times and never had a established relationship. Many of the girls were even socially hostile. I was also in the military for 4 years, which has taught me a slew of sexual experiences. Finally, after so many trials, I am a fully mature(complete) man. I actually enjoy keeping my virginity 100% confidential, and would only tell others when it’s safe and secure, or if I trust them. Otherwise, any random girl would guess(haha, wrongly) that I’ve done the deed already. Basically, in everyday life I am a virgin but I don’t ACT like it. You can say that I have a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” thing going on here. Granted, I’m not a dishonest person, but my goal is to keep people distracted from asking me or finding out.
With these things in check, I do realize that I have a font of great power. Average body physique, yet handsome appearance and decent intellect(these traits are observed from others, not just me saying this), has really helped with the smoke-and-mirrors setup. It’s even more powerful when you remain in control over your base desires. Because quite frankly, I used to be quite the horndog(back in my teens). The transcendence kicks in around 15-16, when I stopped viewing porn. I actually got tired of looking at the porn sites because it’s all the same stuff. Imagine that: I actually got bored from porn. I can’t really say that I’m proud of looking up porn in the first place though.
In the course of my life, I try to be the most considerate and understanding in these matters. I am not overly proud to just treat women like dirt, or condemn other guys for their differences. I truly respect and appreciate women for what they are. Their natural beauty is sufficient for me.
So this is my conclusion. For all male virgins out there, regardless of age, this is my advice before being in a good marriage.
1. Don’t be ignorant. Always be informed about sexual matters. This is oftentimes the downfall of male virgins. Know your stuff(heh, pun intended).
2. Be a REAL man. Follow the virtues, both old and new, of what manhood is characterized by. Work on those virtues as much as you can.
3. APPRECIATE women(but don’t be feminized). Understand that they exist for you gender-wise. You can do this without the porn. I recommend clothed models, regular art, or just observing the women in your real-life setting.
Sorry if this was a long post. I just wanted to share my own perspective. I hope it was worth something. Fare thee well!
I’ve not read all the posts, but I think I probably lost my virginity at a later age than anyone else on here – 47. I thought it would never happen until I discovered internet dating. After a few false starts, I met someone who had also been a late life virgin – when she was in her 30′s, so I felt quite comfortable telling her – don’t think I would have liked to have bluffed my way through my first time. We’re not together now, but I’m eternally grateful to her.
I’m passing 32 years as a virgin, its doable under influence of THC.
To the author and the posters, you guys are such lost cause. If life is all about getting laid , you guys really have issues.
As one who lost it later than usual, I can say that involuntary virginity is a very negative aspect in one’s life. It’s not only painful, but most damaging to one’s self-confidence.
Now, I’m not addressing these remarks to the voluntarily celibate. If you’re turning down hot chicks who proposition you out of a strong ethical or religious commitment, that’s great. Just be aware that the involuntarily celibate outnumber you 10 to 1.
The root cause of late failure to lose virginity is a lack of baseline aggression. The steps involved in establishing a normal sexual relationship require that a man have a certain level of aggression. You’ve got to find a girl, chat her up, ask her out. When on the date, you’ve got to have the balls to risk rejection; you’ve got to hold her hand, kiss her, make out. When you get alone with her, you’ve got to get her bra and knickers off, be able to strip down yourself, and penetrate her vagina with your penis.
The thought of all this can be terrifying to a “nice guy,’ but if you want to get laid, you’ve got to just go for it. My tips:
1. “Just be yourself?” No, that’s what got you to age 25/30/35 or beyond without getting laid.
2. Read all the PUA stuff on the web. There’s some good advice to be found there, much better than anything that was available 15 years ago.
3. That really hot chick in biology class? She’s not the one you’re going to start with. First, you’ve already put her on a pedestal; second, you’re going to be much more inhibited around someone you see on a daily basis, or has a common circle of friends. No, you’re going to set your sights farther afield, bar girls, friends of friends, or the 5 from biology class who cozies up to you in lab. She’s sending a signal of receptiveness that you’re too dense to get. Next time it happens, invite her up to your apartment to “listen to records” (I know I’m dating myself now). Hint for you virgins: that 5 will look like a 7 or 8 when you’re in flagrante.
4. Women aren’t your friends. They are either former sex partners, current sex partners, potential sex partners, friends or relatives of potential sex partners, or lesbians. It’s obvious to say don’t put yourself in the friend zone, but you also need to remember that most guys who are in there, put themselves there.
5. Don’t worry too much about your looks; confidence and a good line of shit will get you farther. Still, you don’t want to push this principle past the breaking point, so do some time in the gym.
6. Don’t masturbate excessively.
7. Don’t feel embarrassed about escalating the level of physical contact. When you’re on a date, she expects you to make a move. IMHO, the toughest thing is the kiss. If she doesn’t want it, she’s not going to bite you, she’ll just turn away. As for going farther, the best advice I read was to brush or rub gently against her clothing over the desired area. If she likes it, that’s your signal to escalate. If she doesn’t, she’s (again) not going to bite you; likely, she’ll just move your hand gently away. Act cool, like it’s no big deal-perhaps you can close her later in the night, or on a the next date. You’ll probably have a good idea if she’s really not interested in you “like that,” or if you’re just moving a bit fast.
That’s all for now. Good luck, guys.
Oh, and one more thing…
You’re not under any obligation to tell her that you’re a virgin. It’s one time where ignorance really is bliss.
I noticed your graph regarding age and probability of losing one’s virginity. I can attest to it’s accuracy. At age 67 and long ago having given up any expectation of losing virginity, it something that grows not only less likely but easier with time.
I suppose when I turned 50 I concluded that it was a lifetime thing for me. A combination of upbringing, belief, circumstances and a number of events in my life all came together in my life. I’ve had my frustrations with this – goes without saying, but at this juncture I’m content with who I am. I have friends of both sexes, nieces and nephews that aren’t like having one’s own children, but they do help.
I suppose I’m a rarity but while I’ve held a woman’s hand, I’ve never felt a breast (much less anything else) except against my body when I hugged my sister.
Hi, my name is James. It is a pleasure being here. I am glad for having been permitted to be in the Dilemmas of Male Virgins. Well, yes, this is a dilemma for many and lots of people. I am a 35 years old, virgin gay male. I believe that there are few virgins that are very rare to find in the worldwide. How about the 144,000 virgin males? It may be 10 percent of virgin males in the worldwide and the rest who are not virgins may be 90 percentage of men who are married with wives, or may have had sex with many women before marriage.
I lost my virginity to another guy in High School.
I stumbled upon this post when I googled “oldest male virgins”…for me, being a virgin started out as something that wasn’t that bad at first when I was 18, but as I got older it became a major source of frustration…as I stare down the barrel of turning 40 I have fought feelings of desperation. I almost would rather tell a woman that I’ve done time in jail than to tell them I’m still a virgin. But I find this article encouraging…while I have had girlfriends, I can certainly benefit from overhauling my game and learn to flirt a little more. I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of quitting porn… porn is something I’ve struggled with for years and only recently have I gained the upper hand. I get it that many folks are ok with porn, but I was the dude morphing pictures and writing stories and just carrying it way too far. The whole point of me staying a virgin was saving myself for marriage, and now I feel I’m getting back on track. With the noticeable trend of men fathering kids in their 40s and 50s, I feel there’s still hope for guys my age and older that haven’t become sexually active yet.
I found this a typical, snide and disrespectful article on the virtues of celibacy.
False assumptions are that men have less to lose than women in sexual intercourse, the men lose just as much in terms of self-respect, loss of vitality, shame over using a woman selfishly, and so forth.
All Christians and people loyal to Gandhi’s principles have good reason not to have sex unless they have a mate to be committed to for life or for procreation.
There are many idealists who have spoken of the virtue of celebacy.
This thread is full of false assumptions and false guilt for a non- failure (not having sex).
On the porn angle, check out the no-porn site: http://www.no-porn.com/
When do we get to hear or see the other side of the sick porn culture, the “actors” with the high incidence rate of herpes and other viral diseases; the rampant drug abuse; the fact that most of those sucked into “acting” are doing so through poverty and survival and that they are pretty much destroying their value in the larger society.
The social, economic, psychological, and general health costs of sex outside of marriage are considerable; my guess is that over 50% of health costs can be tied to inappropriate sexual behavior.
I must say, this article is true.
I did everything wrong, am 32 years old and never even had a date or kissed a woman. and no, I´m not gay, I like woman… as much as I can.
and I gave it up already. I will stay a virgin forever because somehow I started to be afraid of letting someone close to me. as a result I even refuse it to go out on weekends and spend the whole time and even my vacations with my parents.
the doctors told me to move to a different town. I said that I will stay in my parents house forever. they need me.
For me virginity is one of those things usually forgotten about.
Not having sex probably started as a fear of humiliation and/or failure. Since the easiest way to deal with any fear is to avoid that which you’re afraid of then I guess it’s not surprising that it quickly became easy to rationalize, why try if you’re only going to fail.
The more time passed the more it became “obvious” that sex was never going to happen and therefore fantasy became the best sexual refuge (not really porn, more erotic stories). It really was too easy to convince myself, and justify that conviction, that no girl would find me attractive.
I don’t know if sexual intimacy will ever happen as the fear is still there and that has produced several trust issues, towards others as well as myself. Also, the self imposed safety gap is very wide. Circumstances now have given me reasons, or at least good excuses, not to change anything, but still there are times I do pondr the question, have I missed out on something?
As stated before, usually I never think about it, but sometimes I do wonder.
I’m also an involuntary, 50-year-old, heterosexual, male virgin. I’ve only been on a few dates in my life, and those women were very quick to tell me what a “great guy” I was (not a good sign) and how “comfortable” they felt with me (a worse sign). My attempts at seduction are usually met with chuckles (“But Tim, I don’t see you that way!”) or they change the subject immediately. I don’t want to go to a prostitute, but I’m at a loss at this point. I’m in good shape, I have a great sense of humor (so I’m told by all the women who laugh at my quips), and I actually listen to women.
Two things I don’t have – good looks and money. As cliche as that sounds, those things matter. If I were a beautiful woman, why would I want a broke troll as a mate? Sense of humor? Forget it. Women claim that’s number one on their list of desireable traits in men. But as Gilbert Gottfried once said, “Oh yeah, a sense of humor. I see beautiful women every day crawling over Tom Selleck to get to Buddy Hackett!” (A little dated, but you get the point).
I’m actually in the process of writing a book on being a 50-year-old virgin (anonymously, of course; my real name is not Tim). I doubt I’ll make any money off it, or even get it published, but it will at least allow me to do a self-examination about why I’ve been such a failure with women despite my best efforts.
Here’s a book I read when I was in my early 30′s. It shed a lot of light on what I already knew about being a nice guy, but nothing has changed in 15 years.
http://www.amazon.com/Nice-Guys-Dont-Get-Laid/dp/0963582682/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1
The oldest virgin man should be at least the Pope!!!
I am a 41 year old virgin and there is not much, if anything, I can do about it. That said, I did not arrive at this dilemma without being pro-active. I just seem to have everything stacked against me. For example:
I was born with a very small penis (verging on ‘micropenis’). On the one occasion I nearly lost my virginity – at the age of 23 – my penis proved too small to go in and ‘stay’ in my girlfriend’s vagina.
For 20 years of my life I suffered from phimosis (non-retractable foreskin) as a result of severe childhood chicken-pox. To remedy this situation, at the age of 26, I approached a surgeon who specialised in ‘partial’ circumcision. On waking from the operation, however, I discovered that I’d been fully circumcised. Within 10 years I began to experience massive de-sensitisation of the penis. I now have very little feeling left down there. This blows away the claim that circumcision does NOT lead to de-sensitisation; it DOES!
For the last three to four years I have been impotent and given to masturbate with a flaccid penis most of the time.
Surprise, surprise, I am not married and I have no children. I have lived alone for most of my life and am EXTREMELY lonely and unhappy. I sometimes wonder if I am cursed… Would anyone care to shoot me?
I’m a 25 year old virgin (26 soon) and I’ve never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. But then again I’ve never tried. I always told myself “what’s the point of even trying?”, because I was always a shy socially anxious person. I also thought that way I could avoid rejection and the misery that goes along with it. As a younger man I always had girls approaching me but I took this for granted and shunned most of them because I believed they weren’t good enough for me.
As well as being very shy and having low self esteem I also had a crippling dependency on porn. I started watching porn and masturbating at the tender age of 12. I always thought why put the work in when I can get my kicks easily by typing in a porn website URL. I also tricked myself into thinking that real sex can’t be much better than masturbation. It also turned me into a recluse and I started avoiding my friends and staying a home 24/7 by the age of 18.
As time goes on I realize that never approaching women was the wrong attitude to have as I’ve always had this deluded idea that I would somehow just end up in bed with a girl without the significant work rate that’s needed get woman into bed. I also always thought I could fall back on the “Well I’ve never tried to get a girlfriend” answer when I was asked about my luck with women . When questioned by a friend “Have you had any girlfriends recently?” I answered “No, I just don’t have the confidence.” He replied how do you expect to get a girlfriend if you stay at home all day”.
Just over a week ago I read the “Effects of Male Masturbation on Attracting Women” and while i knew this would probably not get me a woman, I knew it could get me some much needed confidence. I’ve abstained from masturbation for 12 days now, and I’ve realized that most of my low self esteem issues, were down to over-masturbating. Since I’ve started this journey of abstinence (I plan on going 3 months or wait for a woman to relieve me). I’ve noticed that I have a new found drive and self confidence and I just want to be out there socializing with every one. Now the thought of approaching a woman doesn’t seem so bad of course even though i’m highly inexperienced but that doesn’t bother. But I’ve got a newly found spring in my step and I can’t wait to get out there and meet new people quickly improve my social skills and jump into bed with the first woman that will have me. I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life come what may.
Holy crap, there are a lot of people with some serious issues commenting here. I recommend therapy to figure out exactly what’s getting in the way, especially for some of the people who posted some batshit-crazy sounding rants that, quite frankly, made them sound completely psycho. Good luck.
I lost it at age 23. I grew up in an incredibly religious family and attended church/parochial high school and college, and dated a girl until the end of college who wanted to wait until we were married. I wanted to of course, and felt that her hang ups were based less in her beliefs than social standards and pressure from her parents. After we broke up after 6 years and only sleeping together once. I discovered that that I had held a bit of resentment for her, but this did not translate into the generalized malice towards women that is acutely obvious in reading some of these posts. I chalked it up to us having divergent views on some pretty important topics and after about 3 months of grief stricken solitude my love and fascination for women and the need for their company and conversation got me over my self pity resulting from the breakup. Back in the early 90′s we had no internet porn to really speak of, so the option of fulfilling my curiosity and desire for the opposite sex electronically did not exist. To my great suprise and delight I found that if I tried my best to get female attention it was pretty easy as long as I respected and valued women. After a rough start I was able to have a pretty satisfying late 20′s and so on with a couple of dry spells (happens to us all) until I got married a couple of years ago (I’m 40 now). Granted I had some natural advantages, I’m super tall and have good hair, and I had an older brother to coach me on some of the nuances of how to dress/act/interact, but I think the main key to my success despite a slow start was not blaming the girls. They can’t help what type of guy they’re attracted to any more than men can.
Also its not necessary to “dominate 95% of men out there” as one respondent said or be an Uber Alpha aside from just acting like an adult male and being able to take care of yourself. (paying for stuff for your dates is a must)
@Mags, you are the one who needs therapy you idiot!
Hi guys (and girls),
About 19 and a half now, and i’m the only person i know in my area that hasn’t done a single thing with a girl, including the humble kiss.
Let’s for now say that for someone to be a proper friend (as opposed to someone you just know and like) you have to be comfortable hanging about with them just themselves. In this respect, i now have about one ‘proper’ friend – but that really doesn’t bother me now, it was undeniably my fault. Just setting the scene.
Anyway, this friend is, in direct contrast to me, arguably the most well known person in ze area – there’s hardly a day where he doesn’t know someone he passes on the street, and he’s got the personality to match – you know, really forward and outgoing, and so on.
So through this friend i know many, many people – the other kind of friend i mentioned, which i guess we’ll call ‘secondary friends.’ Course i only hang about with them through my main friend. Everyone following so far?
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So all these people, for there be male and female involved, are the kind of people i will now describe – virtually every night spent out drinking, fucking, smoking weed, and so many variations of that. You know, like SUPER promiscuous, if i’m using that word right
Right, so know that that’s all out of the way, i’ll move on with a quick history lesson. I was a big geek in elementary/primary school, got glasses, was essentially the bitch of the cool kids. Obviously while they started getting interested in girls/making out with them when they were 11 (final year of said school where i’m from) i did not. I was an uber-geek, but i was also normal, in the sense that i was just concerned with the normal shit – desperately trying to impress friends, not wanting to go to school – now 11yo-ness.
Anyway, into high school. Kept like one friend from the former, and fell in with two fellow geekettes, if you get my meaning – one pretty tall, one pretty small. I fell for the tall one. Turns out small one liked me at certain points, but i was uber-shy. Acceptable at the age, i think you’ll agree.
Second Year – started hanging out with another guy, a classic rock fanatic through his dad. For the first and last time, i went out with someone, the small girl (i should add that i’m like 5’4, so calling her small doesn’t mean as much as you think
) – that lasted about a month, cause apart from texting each other about regular shit, i didn’t play me part – meaning, i did absolutely nothing i wouldn’t have if we were just friends. Still normal here!
Third Year – amicably stopped hanging about with tall girl, who hung about with, how can i say this, self-respecting geeks? Always on about shipping people, blogging, making fanvids, whatnot. I, on the other hand, merged with another group alongside rock guy, who became my best friend, and small girl. This group was essentially full of dicks, both male and female. I don’t mean in the physically imposing way – i mean that we all just gossiped, bitched, fucked over anyone and everyone, including each other, for amusement or to seem cool in the eyes of the others we weren’t fucking over. The ones that did it the most were also the most neurotic. Me and rock guy got it the worst – he was a bitch like me. I think that’s that…oh, i just started listening to music here – told you i was a geek! Well. not so much as i was at this point, meaning that i knew how to interact socially with saying geeky things. Plus the music was just the same pop crap the rest of the group listened to. Still normal here!
Fourth year – Basically a continuation of 3rd, but this is where things started to change. Oh, also while people had had relationships by now – probably some guys got laid as well, nobody i knew – i was still at my like 1st/2nd year stage of relationship experience – nada. Thanks to the newly-released Guitar Hero 3, one band caught my attention – Rage Against The Machine, so i became went off the pop and became obsessed with them over the course of the year, no other band. So anyway, rock guy dates another recently joined group member (that he’d actally dated before in second year, if you can call that dating), and who therefore wasn’t a dick/bitch/whatever. I’ll call her crazy girl, but that’s in no way to be interpreted negatively. She was cool, eccentric (basically like a depressed version of Phoebe from Friends) and i had a crush on her at some point as well. Probably got his first kisses in here as well, and i’m thinking that by this stage virtually had at least kissed someone, save me. So they split up later on, and through small girl, who by this stage was like crazy girl’s best friend and also a complete and utter bitch, giving up huge secrets to whoever she felt like to help along her little romantic fantasies – like me, she had done nothing by this point. So small girl told us all behind crazy girl’s back stuff crazy girl had confided in her – like how she was majorly depressed, self-harmed, and i think tried to kill herself once. So what did we all do? Take delight in this, and insult/demean her behind her back like all the time – as close as you can get without letting her know we’re doing it. As the biggest bitches, me and rock guy, desperate to prove ourselves, did it the worst. Eventually, small girl, shortly followed by everyone save me and rock guy, developed a conscience just as fourth year was ending, basically stopping the whole thing. All through fourth year, one of my subjects had been music, and one of the instruments i was ‘learning’ and had like no interest in, was the drums. As a result, i got an F. But weirdly – probably all that RATM – i promptly got interested in drums, and bought a kit in the summer. Turns out i’m a natural, and i taught myself the drums
. Same summer, family saved up and we went to Rhodes. It was fucking amazing. Discovered Audioslave and took their first album with me, so it’s like a personal soundtrack. Plus Audioslave opened the floodgates, and i became a complete music lover.
5th year – shit continues to change. Me and rock guy stop hanging out with the dicks, and stop being ones. Rock guy becomes like most popular guy in the year, cause the majority of people were still virgins and fairly good-natured. Started talkin to tall girl again. Rock guy was still like my only ‘friend’. Speaking of music, guitar hero and GTA San Andreas introduced me to my first bands – Pearl Jam, bit of Slipknot, Helmet, more Nirvana (had always kinda listen to them, and Kurt Cobain is like a god to me). Plus at some point that year i discovered Smashing Pumpkins, which is by far my favourite band. Oh yeah, and fifth year was the first time i drank – you know, alcohol. Course, the second time i drank like 3 glasses straight vodka, which forced me off of another stronger than beer for years.
) and i got countless other bands – oh, like SOAD. I was in a few bands as well, but nothing came of them – if you don’t like melodic metalcore, 80s speed/thrash metal or classic rock, you’re basically fucked where i’m from. Thanks to having just developed this philosophy, i was like emotionally crazed. Suddenly i was infatuated with small girl. Over 6th year she kinda liked me back weirdly – well, flirted with me when i did with her, but it was never anything more than that. So over 6th year, i was become increasingly crazier. Eventually, this flirty thing petered out. Unfortunately, cause i was so crazy, i chose to alienate myself from virtually i knew – for some reason, rock guy remained my friend. Words can’t explain how fucking depressed and suicidal i was that year. Oh, and rock guy got a new girlfriend and finally got laid with her. So now, most people had fucked. Virtually everyone had been in a relationship, and everyone had kissed someone. Thus began the COLOSSAL self-hate i feel even now. When everyone around you has done all this shit, and you, now 17, are still at the same stage you were at when you were 12 – it fucked me up.
6th year – the final year, and the worst. Over the end of fifth year and the start of this one, i got supremely philosophical for some reason. This was the end of normality. Gone were the days of thinking about the normal shit. I realised that nothing can be taken as infallible – there could be any number of planes of existence outside our own, beyond our understanding, that control or have an effect on our own. There’s no way we can know everything. Things like religion, morality etc. are just human inventions.
Needless to say, this was the beginning of depression for me. My music interests continued to expand – Deftones joined SP near the top of my favourites (cause they’re so great
So school ended. I’m a bit of a history nut as well as a geek, which doesn’t help my case, but i didn’t the grades i needed, so i went to another uni where you couldn’t do history, and took up Social Sciences instead. Obviously, being the massive neurotic and social introvert that 6th year made me, i can’t bear talking to strangers, being near/with them, or in a situation where i have to draw attention to myself – like presentations. So uni’s not so great.
Beginning to tire of this now. Anyways, in 6th year i started hanging about with who we’ll just call ‘friend’ – the super-social guy from the start of this exercise in catharsis. He’s a great guy, so through the second half of ’10 i met all the people he knew as i said. Course, as they’re all serial womanizers, with the occasional conflicted emo in their midst, i feel like a piece of shit. Which is where alcohol comes into the equation, because my social situation got so bad that know i can’t go out with Friend and these guys unless i’m pissed. Not that i’m complaining – if i could be permanently pissed, life would be amazing, cause everything just becomes really great, no matter what (i’m a really good drunk).
So now it’s almost the end of ’11, and i find myself in virtually the same position i was in last December – no job, no relationship or anything of the sort while everyone around me fucks and matures, while i stay the same, maybe even regessing but undeniably drinking more. Oh, and my friendship with rock guy kinda petered out as well – haven’t seen him since the start of september, and he’s ignored any phone calls i give him, which i take it means bye.
Thanks to drinking so much, my goddamn alcohol resistance has increased so now i need a fair bit of Vodka as well as a 6-pack of Becks, my beer of choice. Plus i’m out like every weekend with Friend, to that extent that even these guys are calling me an alcoholic. Anyway, just like last year, New Year’s is going to be terrible. As i’m not a big fan of myself or my life in general, the idea of having the clock reset and to endure another 365 days of shit before the process repeates itself yet again is pretty disheartening. But that’s what alochol’s for, i guess.
.
Anyway, absolutely massive rant over. Apologies for the extent of my writing – this tends to happen
Comment, if you please. I’d like to hear opinions. Bye!
Being the 32 yr old V-card holder feels like slipping into the twilightzone. But also, getting a girl that I want feels like hoping for something almost impossible to happen at this point. I still hope it will for me. This kind of thing makes one question everything!
Ok so it really sucks that so many virgin guys hate being virgins. Really loved hearing from “Boss”. I always wanted to be with only one guy for life and well, got lied to and told he was a virgin just to get married, have two kids and get cheated on…..yeah i would LOVE a virgin man who only ever wanted me. If more guys were confident and said “screw you” to all who put them down for lack of sex, it wouldn’t be so weird and maybe i would find that man……well, my thoughts are my own. You all can have your own too. Oh, and i think the guys that are so eager to jyst screw anything, virgin or not, are just repulsive and su h a turn off. And the idea of “conquoring a virgin” is equally repulsive…..but to love him forever and give him the best sex forever and learn eachother’s bodies so we can screw better than any porno…..ohhhh yeah, THAT is what’s up!! Xoxox
Hello again, I am James, ! I am a virgin. Also, I am not married with a woman nor with a man. I am married with the Lord Jesus Christ. I am honest. I am gay virgin male who blatantly decided to die as a virgin male and not marry with a woman nor with the same sex. Could you do me a favor? Can you gather for me virgin males support group here int his site? I want to be part of this group. I invite all guys to remain virgin males and suggest you to marry with me? I want 144,000 guys to be married with me. Please, I suggest you as a secret. Do not reveal it. I am just building my own virgin males movement. Thanks for your support. If you do not want. Fine. There are no obligations. I do not know what I am doing but it may seem sorta crazy. But, I have some desires. It is laughable. Okay. Big smile.
Ok, so I came to this site as I’ve just met the most amazing man who’s a complete geek and I know he’s a lot more sexually inexperienced than me (I think a virgin) and I wanted to be able to get an insight into how he may feel. I only got as far as Capital Letter Am and just thought, that’s not the man I know! Thankfully!
I am sexually experienced, get hit on by all sorts of guys, have had some really good looking boyfriends, some that I thought I liked because of their personalities more (although they weren’t superstuds they were still attractive to me, clearly) and having had all that experience, some great, some average, some bad, I have now met a wonderful man. I couldn’t care less what his sexual experience is, because I know how to please myself and I am unbelievably comfortable asking him to please me (though we haven’t had the ‘full’ experience yet). I can’t wait for him to have the confidence to ask me to please him and if it’s not hitting all the right places at first, why does that matter?
People, remember you’re not a package. You are not a commodity. You are something that somebody, somewhere, will find incredible, you just have to get through a few duds before you get to the right one. It’s the same for everyone, but you’ve got to accept it’s ok to fail and it’s ok not to be ‘perfect’ (which is different for everyone) and for anyone thinking porn’s a great way to ‘learn’, think again. Porn is not real sex. Porn isn’t even a decent anatomy lesson as most of the ‘actors’ have had some kind of implant, reduction, enhancement or half their body hair stripped off. And I’ve always been able to tell when a man watches too much porn and has tried the ‘handy tips’ he thinks it’s given him, it always looks good (it’s for the camera and voyeur, remember), but doesn’t very often feel good. So ask her what she wants, tell her what you want and ignore the b*llsh*t about ’10 ways to ultimate pleasure’ guides and just enjoy being with someone.
Oh, and you get that someone by being entirely yourself incidentally, not by trying too hard. It’s fine to be shy. It’s fine to lack confidence. It’s fine to be you. I know what you’re thinking, ‘She can talk, she finds this easy’. No-one finds this easy and the people that pretend to are normally just putting on a facade, which is as much of a turn off as anything else. So just go and talk to a woman, treat her with respect (seriously, what was with the earlier fat girl jokes you puerile moron?) and see what happens.
Rumour hasit that the Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is still undipped
I had very few chances to lose it, but they were actually on a plate when they came by.My issue was not wanting to approach, so the only way anything could happen was if it was offered on a plate. The few times it was offered, I turned it down out of pickiness. I reached the stage in my late 20′s where I was “happy” enough to settle for porn than go through any stress. I also was put off the thrill of real sex when I realised how crap it was with a condom, and that porn fantasy sex trumped safe sex everytime. I had sex once, but it was with an escort and with a condom. No pleasure at all. I come to the conclusion the only good sex is unprotected and oral sex, and you can only have that with a longterm partner. When you it mid30′s you start to see (real life) sexy women as wives and mothers, not sex objects, and you start thinking more about the one or ones out there, but again, when it comes to relieving urges I’d rather spring for the porn.
I disagree with those suggesting giving up the masturbation thing because it isn’t quitable if you’ve taken your virginity past 21. Most guys who’ve masturbated their teens away [such as myself] are bound to masturbate because it has been our most reliable sexual outlet. I live with a little guilt because I have this older cougar cuddle buddy I used to sleep with who I’m still friends with and I haven’t slept with her in quite a few years now. I feel bad for her because she hasn’t had sex in a while.
I could never “pie her in the face” with the confession about how often I play with my penis, most of the time to visuals of naked women that are oh so boobilicious. I keep my chronic issue in the closet with her and the ID Glide gets put away right after each session. I only feel comfortable telling people I don’t know about playing with myself.
My advice for an adult male who still has a penis yet unsheithed by vagina boost up your sessions with a good bottle of lube for those sessions and savor it in your hand with much fervor, its your penis!
well really informative
I hate elitist holidays like Valentines day as they single out people like myself who have no significant other in their lives and make me feel even worse. It’s no wonder so many people kill themselves around the holiday season. Nothing beats watching all the “lovebirds” in their self induced delerium galavanting blissfully through the park, holding hands, making out, etc, whilst simultaneously wanting to rip my own heart out so the damn thing would stop hurting.
The only reason I haven’t killed myself is that I believe that for 1, it’s a mortal sin, and for 2, only sissies give up. Suicide is a cheap way out and I won’t be a bitch like that. I would however not be dismayed if I were to be killed in a traffic accident or from some sort of disease. Due to my weight, I have already begun having periodic chest pains. If I’m lucky, my situation will finally be over soon. I would thank god for the end of this existance and I can only hope that the end is near.
Valentines’ day has the polarizing effect of dividing people into haves, and have-nots. For that reason alone, it should be abolished. No other holiday to my knowledge singles out 50% of the population and makes them feel bad about themselves. Any holiday that purposely makes people want to kill themselves should be stricken from the books as soon as possible.
As for spending the day feeling sorry for myself.. well I don’t have to put much effort into that. All the wonderful advertising and serendipitous people around me will do that for me
The only way to transcend the V club is to no longer be a member. Exit stage left. Even if my proverbial card got punched today, I think I’m still going to be a jaded and angry person for the rest of my life. 32 years wasted without knowing human affection (family does not count). I can’t get that time back even if every day from today going forward was a veritable plethora of pussy. Let’s segue into a discussion on the afterlife. If indeed such a thing exists (which I believe it does), I’m going to go to hell, no matter where I end up. North or south, it’s the same destination.. an endless eternity regretting my wasted life. When I die, I plan to ask God for a favor and let me cease to exist. That is the only possible end to this bullshit we call our lives that would be fitting and favorable. If he’s the kind of God he’s supposed to be, he’ll do me this one solid. It’s the least he can do.
I love porn but it is a bit weird looking for videos of girls acting less like sex for pay actresses and more like girlfriends.
At 32 it is not so much the act I desire but what comes with it even in a casual relationship. I would love to simply get on with women as a man. Quitting cold turkey will certainly make me more motivated.
There is unfortunately some baggage associated with growing up in a broken family and being led to believe that the life of my suicidal mother was in my hands. To enjoy rather than suffer, as a man, the company of a woman not acting on infantile designs seems beyond my appointed milieu.
If it were just personal hangups this would have resolved itself. As things stand people have a very specific place for me and feel entitled to see me there. Feels like I’m stuck in High School. Even the girl who thinks the nerd is hawt is only going to work with him to get past his social lameness for so long and only go to certain lengths.
I know now that it is my RESPONSIBILITY to be a scoundrel. That hypothetical nerd may be such a keen target for bullies that the girl doesn’t even want to broach the subject of his social standing for fear of being seen as going against the party line but not taking advantage of an opportunity is demoralizing for him and ultimately insults the judgement and femininity of the girl.
What I imagine of the scene immediately after losing my virginity is laying on a stained mattress in a cheap hotel smoking and staring the ceiling while bitterly choking back the impulse to hate myself for damaging the lady’s reputation. But that beats the alternative.
Thank you. And thank God I found enough math and science on the internet to keep my hands busy.
So, is it a problem to be a 19 year old male virgin?
The Sexual Elitists should be the one’s that have to answer for their illogical and misanthropic willingness to single out and condemn us male virgins, but they feel entitled to spew their bigotry and hate speech without guilt because the misandrist, hypocritical Western media gives them that license. This Sexual KKK, with their various hate-filled platitudes and slogans, are but a symptom of the larger rot that’s infested modern Western culture since before my time. While I’m not a believer in any religion, Christianity’s admonition against the “7 Deadly Sins” is highly useful for today’s secular society as a general blueprint for proper human interaction, that which is NOT enforced by the juvenile, backwoods mindset of the Sexual Nazis, supported by the fascist, class-dividing and community-destroying central banks and governments.
Did you ever think for a moment that this actually has more to do with women themselves then men? I mean look at the way women are these days, they have a self righteous entitlement mentality and believe their special simply because they are women and im not just talking about the attractive ones either but even the heavy chicks of 600 pounds think they deserve Brad Pitt or Leonardo Dicaprio and the average guy just can’t compare a guy who is willing to have sex with a woman regardless of what she looks like can’t have sex unless the woman wants it and many times even if he does if they didn’t like it they can just cry rape and be done with him. Look at the laws for children men have to pay exuberant amounts of child support even if the woman makes more in a single day then he does in a year and sometimes their forced to pay for children they didn’t even make.
I cant lie dude. I think exactly how you used to think right now.