I am standing in a long line waiting for my morning coffee. The place is buzzing with college students coming back from their long weekend. I’m intently listening in on the conversation of two cute girls in front of me. And somewhere out there, another nice guy’s heart has been crushed.
Girl1: So how was your weekend?
Girl2: Oh it was awesome. We went to the fireworks and partied….had a great time!
Girl1: That’s cool. So, how’s Johnny doing?
Girl2: Oh, I actually broke up with him last week.
Girl1: Oh my god! Really???
Girl2: Yea, he took it kind of hard, but it was just something I had to do, you know? I mean, he was the perfect guy, real nice and everything, but……I don’t know, I’m just not looking for that right now. You know what I mean?
Girl1: Yea, I hear ya. I kind of felt the same way when I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. He was just soooo nice, it kinda pissed me off.
The girls finally approach the checkout counter and I can barely hear the conversation. They are laughing now and I can faintly hear something about how pathetic their ex-boyfriends are.
As I pay for my coffee and begin walking to the office, I ponder the conversation I just overheard. I can’t help but feel conflicted in my emotions. One part of me is amused. The other part is feeling some resentment, a lingering thought leftover from my college days.
I can’t help but remember that one sentence, the thing I despised hearing the most, “You’re SUCH a great guy, but we’re just not right for each other.” Ugh, I probably heard that phrase about twenty times before. It used to make me so angry. How could those hypocrites be so cruel?
The truth was, being nice wasn’t the problem, it was growing a pair of balls that was the real issue. You can’t respect someone that you can walk all over. This is the common confusion in the old “nice guys” vs. “jerks” debate.
I don’t think women want either a “nice guy” or a “jerk” but something in between. Something with the gentlemanly type demeanor of a nice guy except with the balls of a jerk attached. Lets name him “Ballsy McNice.”
So, Johnny, if you’re out there reading this, I feel for you man. I’ve been there, but it’s time to man up. Stop crying into your beer and become a Ballsy McNice. Sure, you’ll still finish last if you want to stay a nice guy, but it’s a hell of a lot more fun to simply lead the whole race.
{ 1 trackback }
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes, I agree with your post. Being Alpha doesn’t mean you act like an a-hole towards women…it means you show initiative and you know how to take charge of a situation.
totally in agreement with your message. but most guys, deep inside, have what it takes to get girls. and all they have to do is be natural. grow some balls and be yourself! nice guys..you just don’t get it! by acting like a pussy you’ll never get any(where) :))
Ummm, All I can say is YES Nice Guys never finish first! same goes for gals!
NO we don’ t want a man we can walk all over it is like SON, where is your backbone! we love being pampered and loved and all that… (attention) there comes a time to be a bad boy also!!
Nice post, I missed coming here!!
Ne
With my own life experience I can agree with your post.
Everything I need to know, I leared from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:
Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody’s ever been in love with him. If things don’t change for him, he’s gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she’s gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won’t respect him, ’cause you can’t respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.
so true. women like to be led and its the mans job to do that. its in our dna, its part of evolution. as long as you adapt to today’s social dynamics, ie. don’t be a dick, you don’t live in a cave after all, then you’ll be in a much better spot with the ladies.
crave
The problem is that so many people have a definition of “nice”
I’m a nice person. I’m friendly and compassionate. I take in stray animals. But I stand up for myself when challenged.
I have a client who spends much of his time whining to me about how people walk over him all the time because he is “nice.” It’s not because he’s “nice” it’s because he is un-assertive, gullible, and weak. That is not an attractive quality in a person, male or female.
Flip the tables. I dance with a girl who is constantly being taken advantage of by douchebags because she is too “nice” No, you’re an idiot for working your ass off and then paying for him to go out and party and treat you like crap. She finally grew some balls and told him to get out. I was so proud of her.
I think it’s great that formerly shy guys have a forum to strengthen your self esteem and get over being “nice”
The nice guy v jerks debate. well like you said many people think that you have to be one or the other. N that girls love jerks.
Its not really true at all. I can’t stand jerks. They really annoy me.
But what im attracted to is someone who stands up for himself and what they believe in.
The problem with nice guys is that they let us get away with too much. They don’t draw boundaries of respect and us being girls, we are constantly testing to see where this line IS.
Usually its when the nice guy has enough and stands up for himself that the girl is most highly attracted to him.
We don’t want a jerk. Just someone who can defend and respect himself and others.
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
@ Everyone,
Some good comments here, I think we are all pretty much in agreement. It seems to me that the real problem is that general public is still clinging to the concept “nice guy” vs. “jerks” when in reality this is not the case.
I have to agree with HAF - I want someone who can stand up for himself. But I think it goes deeper than that.
I’m a strong-minded female. I’m self-sufficient, have a great job, have a great group of friends and basically can get anything done that I want to get done. I spend every day making decisions in a myriad of different areas for entirely too many damn people so by the time I meet a guy and start dating him, I just want him to make a damn decision on something instead of saying “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
I started dating someone a few months ago and that was one of the first things I told him - to have a pair of balls and challenge me on things. He does that. We get along famously and I’ve never been happier.
And one last thing: Us women finally grow up and appreciate the “nice guy” after being shit on for years. My guess is those girls at the coffee shop were in their early 20’s. They just weren’t ready for the nice guy. They’ve still got another 5-10 years of bullshit to wade through before they fully appreciate the nice guy. And sadly enough, by the time they’re ready to appreciate the guy, they’ll be bitter and jaded about it. Thus limiting their dating chances.
Man - us women can be IDIOTS sometimes!
You’re one of the few male “pick up” bloggers who seems to have it right. Most guys seem to think “If she doesn’t want a nice guy, I’ll act like a total douche and care about no one’s feeling but my own! That’ll reel in the ladies!”
Yeah, no.
Hold your own, show initiative and power, be confident (oh, and a motorcycle can’t hurt) but at the end of the day, you can’t relate with a guy who’s nothing but a jerk. There’s a time and a place for being an Alpha male.
Matt says, It seems to me that the real problem is that general public is still clinging to the concept “nice guy” vs. “jerks” when in reality this is not the case.
I think that’s exactly the case. In the same way guys think they’re supposed to be jerks, chicks think that guys are supposed to be jerks and a self-fulfilling prophecy is created: Jerks get the girl because everybody thinks that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It is reality because people think it’s reality.
@ Lachlan,
Wow, I think you just blew my mind, dude!
Yeah a lot of nice guys are, in fact, BORING. And I don’t do boring.
I want someone who will challenge me, someone who can worship me one moment, and spit on me the next. Literally.
And he has to be intuitive enough to know what I want/need, and when.
And he has to be man enough to want a partner who is both a mother and a whore.
This is why BDSM is so great, because it allows you to act out the good, the bad, and the ugly. Very therapeutic.
Guys need to be taught what women have been taught for years: how to play hard to get. But the secret to playing anything is to actually BE it. Don’t be easy! Nobody wants something that is easy to get. A woman wants a pair of shoes, if she finds she can’t afford them or they are not available in her size, she wants them more. Same for men. We all want what we can’t have. So how can a guy be nice but still be elusive? Get busy! Have a life that is more important than seeing her. You can get away with sending fllowers and writing poems and all that wussy stuff as long as you’re painfully unavailable some of the time. But that’s the key, you can’t just be unavailable and cold about it. She will lose interest. Be as romantic as you can but PLEASE have something else to do. NEVER stay too long. Never call too often. Leave her swept off her feet, but please leave.
While you’re at it, make sure it’s true. Actually have something that you are passionate about that interferes with obsessing over her. This can only make you more interesting and the whole deal less painful if it doesn’t work out.
My 2 cents that I intend to teach my son.
the comments i’ve read here seem incredibly shallow and narrow minded. why do so many people insist on making relationships more complicated than they need to be? the idea that nice guys finish last sounds incredibly childish to me. why can’t more people just accept other people as “people” and stop putting labels on eachother? no wonder our society is going down the toilet. i’m a nice guy and i’m proud of it. if any of you women out there are sick and tired of treated
like dirt by the so-called “alpha males”, then feel free to send me an e-mail. if not, then you’re just getting what you deserve.
let’s grow up people.
TBK,
Hehe, you certainly know how to put a dirty spin on a “nice guy” kind of post:)
Fluff,
Agreed, the playing hard to get definitely falls in line with the whole “nice guy” attitude. Again, it’s not that being nice is the problem, it’s when the guys constantly supplicate to a woman’s every whim.
Larry,
You may not agree with the post but this is how it works, regardless of what it should be. Also, I think you are confusing “alpha males” with assholes. You can actually be nice and be an alpha male at the same time, without treating women like dirt. So, I’m not sure you are fully grasping the concept of the alpha male.
By the way, this isn’t the reason society is going down the toilet. The societal implications of alpha males and beta males (supplicating nice guys) has been around since the beginning of mankind. It’s not a recent phenomenon, you only need to look at the history books to see this.
Leave a Comment