The Creep and the Cougar

Standing to my right is a disheveled drunken 22 year old guy. A bartender plops down a plate of barbecue and jalapeño fries in front of him which he begins devouring at a voracious pace. Not bothering with the provided utensils, he reaches down and clutches a chunk of drippy messy fries and stuffs it into his gullet. The entire plate is consumed in no less than several minutes, barely enough time to evade the looks of disgust coming from across the bar. He just stands there swaying in an inebriated state, a sly look of satisfaction and a smear of barbecue sauce across his chin. This is Creepy Chris.

I first encountered Creepy Chris at the local pub, where he could often be found standing against the wall and staring for extended periods of time at whatever attractive females were in his vicinity. Not ever smiling, not ever talking and not ever socializing with anyone, he just drinks his drink against the wall and stares.

Now that Creepy Chris is finished his feeding session I notice his attention turn somewhere else. He is now staring over my shoulder at a woman who just sat down next to me.

Sitting to my left is an attractive forty year old woman with long dark hair and a gentle smile. She is aged but there is something uniquely youthful about her, as if she were sending out a warm welcoming vibe. She flicks the remnants of a mangled fry away from her and proceeds to order a gin and tonic. After being served her drink she glances in my direction, tosses her hair to one side and exposes the pale white skin beneath it. This is Cougar Cathy.

I turn to Cougar Cathy and speak.

“Hi there. How’s your night so far?” I ask

“It’s going pretty good for a Friday night.” she replies

“What’s your name?” she asks

“Matt and you?”

“Cathy, pleasure to meet you.” she says

We make with the small talk and there is some evident flirting going on. Unfortunately, it is interrupted by Creepy Chris who suddenly decides to engage in conversation for a change. He butts in between us and begins an amusingly confusing and rambling story about god knows what. Cathy simply sits there politely nodding her head.

After some time of Creepy Chris projecting his creepy vibes, Cougar Cathy and her friend begin to send girl code to each other, signaling for an escape plan. It appears that she has been officially creeped out and finally decides to leave.

I say goodbye and point to my cheek, hinting for a kiss goodbye. She leans in and kisses my neck instead, which is a bit unexpected.

“I’ll see you around” she says as she walks away.

So here’s the thing, Creepy Chris is actually a pretty nice guy. I’ve had conversations with him in the past and he’s a normal guy, he just has severely poor social skills. It’s interesting how some people, though well intentioned, manage to come off as major creeps.

I decide not to broach the subject on this particular night, however I do intend to inform Creepy Chris of his creepiness the next time I see him. I can’t in good conscience let him continue on this path.

Now my question to the readers, particularly the women out there, what characteristics that a guy displays creeps you out? Seriously, people need to know this stuff.