Creating a Fully Functional Babe Lair

by Matt Savage

I am sitting here typing in an old green armchair from the late 70s. The embossed green floral patterns are a direct contrast to the bright orange walls that now surround me. It’s the end of October in New England. My heat hasn’t been turned on. The stove is broken. The windows don’t have any shades. The mail man refuses to leave my mail and I had to shave this morning while looking into the back of a cooking pot, because my bathroom has no mirror. This is my new bachelor pad.

It’s not much to look at now but soon it will become a fully functional babe lair. Chicks will be helpless against it’s powers. It’s not a bad place, it just needs to get some functionality, like some heat for starters.

There is something empowering about having your own place. There is no roommates to worry about, no one there to piss off and no one there to piss you off. It’s free reign to do whatever you want within your own territory.

I have big plans for this place. It’s going to be fully optimized for seduction. Simply bringing a woman home will increase my odds exponentially. I still don’t know exactly how it will become the ultimate babe lair, but there is one thing that I decided must be applied to all aspects of this bachelor pad… comfort.

The entire design will revolve around the simple concept of comfort. Everything from the lighting to the couch, to the bed linens, perhaps even a nice fluffy shag rug. It all needs to evoke a relaxed comfortable feeling in all the beauties who dare to cross it’s threshold.

I’ve been perusing the Ikea and Bed Bath and Beyond websites. I have quite the list of items.

  • Oriental floor lamps which emit a soft soothing light
  • A small table with two comfy chairs for those nights when I cook a romantic dinner for two
  • A nice dark oak bed frame. The days of simply throwing my mattress on the floor are over with. Seriously, I’m not a frat boy, there’s no reason to sleep like one.
  • Dark flannel sheets with down comforter and pillows; perfect for snuggling under the covers on a cold winter night.
  • Big fluffy bathroom towels; convenient for wrapping freshly showered naked women
  • Pillows! Pillows everywhere. If you’ve ever read The Game, then you know about the giant pillow pit. Something about lying in a pile of pillows really appeals to me, therefore I must have lots and lots of pillows.
  • Artsy charcoal sketches of beautiful half nude women, to be framed and hung in the living room. Trust me, they’re classy.

This is just the beginning. As with anything, the true essence of the fully functional babe lair is in the details. As certain themes begin to emerge, then so will the finer parts of the lair.

Any great pick up artist knows that working out the logistics is the key to a great pick up. Part of the logistics are the final seduction location. If this is taken care of properly then bridging that final gap from extraction to seduction will be as easy as pie.

I hear a truck pull up outside. I turn to look out the window. It’s the gas man, he’s here to turn on my heat! So it begins…


PJ November 2, 2007 at 5:29 pm

Sounds cosy, but I must admit that the pillows everywhere remind me of the first time I went to a gay club with some male friends. At the side of a dancefloor were loads of pillows, and loads of people laying on them. My friends and I decided to join the group, and I ended up having loads of guys laying on top of me! One of them proclaimed – “wow, she feels lovely and soft – lie on her”! Sorry, that’s probably not the kind of memory you’d want to evoke in your own lair! Why don’t you post some pics when you’re finished settling in.

silver November 3, 2007 at 12:20 am

Flannel sheets: yes.
Dark-colored flannel sheets: NO.

Nothing shows cum stains better than dark sheets.


Matt Savage November 5, 2007 at 9:59 am


That’s a funny story. Hopefully though, that situation isn’t common to most women and won’t have to worry about evoking feelings of gay guys laying in a pile of pillows. I’ll put up some pics once I get everything the way I want it.


Thanks for the tip. I never would have thought of that. Perhaps I’ll have to go with some lighter colors for the sheets.


PJ November 5, 2007 at 1:39 pm

I assume (hope) you’ll be washing your sheets between conquests. And make sure you have loads of tissues to hand…

Bobby Rio November 5, 2007 at 11:27 pm

Sweet pad. you’re right it really makes a big difference to have a kick ass place to go back to.. the important thing is also to have a lot of props and stuff lying around for entertainment.
i went through this phase 2 years after returning from buenos aires i was obssessed with recreating the feel of the city.. spent about $1000 on ebay buying old spanish prints and shit.. funny cause im dating a south american now. wonder if the room sold it?

Matt Savage November 6, 2007 at 10:31 am

Yes, there will definitely be some sheet washing, no worries there:)

I’m glad you brought up the props concept for entertainment purposes. That is something that I still need to figure out. I’m basically just going to shop around and see what interesting things I can find. Cool idea about the Buenos Aires place, sounds sweet!

Speak Sexy November 16, 2007 at 7:47 am

Mmmm your plans do sound lovely. I’d go with the dark sheets anyway, but maybe not flannel. I think dark colors are really sexy – like the rich color of dark chocolate. What woman could resist sinking into a bed that reminded her of warm, melting delicious things? ;)

And it’s true, the atmosphere makes a huge difference in your chances of getting any. For example, the week my husband and I moved our bed into our small, intimate loft we had sex every night because just being in such a relaxing little spot made me crazy-horny. Relaxation is the key, and it sounds like you have that well covered. Good Luck!

Chris B March 9, 2008 at 1:53 am

My adult students..
Oh, I wish I could say:(

If this post came up in a search…it would be …bad.

Japan is a good place for…I mean you can……alot…!!

Damn!! Never mind;)

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