It’s 4:03 pm. Where is she? I hear the door to the coffee shop swing open. I turn to see if it is my date. A tall brunette in a mini-skirt walks in. Please let that be her. She walks to the line to order a coffee. I examine her face to see if it matched her profile. Damn, it’s not her.
I take a deep breath and sip my coffee. I notice I’m tensed up just sitting there waiting for some random girl that I know nothing about. Relax. Open up the body language. Lean back. Relax the shoulders. Good.
It’s 4:09 pm. The door opens again. I feel a lump in my throat. Is it her? Yes, it is. I recognize the face immediately from her profile. She is cute, cuter than I expected. She looks over and spots me. I throw up my hand and wave her over.
“Uh, hi. Jasmine?” I say extending my hand
“Yea, you must be Matt” she says while lightly shaking my hand
“I just got my coffee, so why don’t you go and grab one and then we can chat, ok?” I say
“Yea, ok”
She heads over to order while I wait. She looks nervous. I’m nervous. This is nothing like meeting a woman in a bar. How the hell am I supposed to play this?
I’ve never had a date through the Internet before. The closest I’ve got from getting a date was from my CraigsList experiment. I ended up getting a phone number out of it but the girl never returned my call.
Unlike the CraigsList experiment, the lead up to this date was much different. First, Jasmine was the one who initiated the interaction by “poking” me. Second, since she made first contact I could make the assumption that there was already attraction. Third, because there was attraction I could be a bit more direct and move things along much quicker. With these points in mind, I was able to go from a couple of flirting emails to suggesting we meet up for coffee in only four email messages. She agreed.
It’s 4:12 pm. Jasmine rejoins me and sits down with her coffee. Her body language is immediately closed off. Arm crossed in front of chest. Legs and feet pointing away from me. Eyes avoiding my gaze. This going to be tough. I need to get her to relax and open up.
“So, uh, did you have any trouble finding this place?” I ask
“Oh no, I’ve been here before.” she says
“Oh nice. It’s a good place isn’t it? I really like it.” I say
“I guess it’s ok.” she says dryly
There is an awkward pause. This is going terrible already. Ugh, what do I do? Her eyes aren’t even looking at me. She just keeps looking at everything in the shop except me. Alright Matt, pull yourself together, you’re a freaking seduction artist for Christ sake. Seduce her!
“Hey, let me get your female opinion on something?” I ask
“Um, ok”
“You know how if I guy wants to be gentleman, he opens the door for woman?”
“Yea”
“Ok, well what are you supposed to do at a revolving door?” I ask
“Hehe, I don’t know, that’s a good question, I guess you just let her go first.” she says
“Hmm, interesting, well do you like funny stories?” I ask
“Yes”
The ice is now broken. From here I launch into a story about a hilarious incident where I accidentally got stuck in the same compartment of a revolving door with a beautiful woman. She laughs at the story and we discuss the various scenarios of revolving door etiquette. It’s enough to avoid the awkward pauses and move the interaction into the comfort phase. Her body language shows that she is opening up more.
It’s 4:33 pm. We’ve been talking about random things for a solid twenty minutes now. This is the point where Jasmine decides to barrage me with a million questions. She rattles the questions off like it was an interview. I am getting uncomfortable. What do you? Do you like your work? Where are you from? Where is your family from? Do you have any siblings? What kind of music do you like? What do you eat? Where do you see yourself in five years? Etc.
It’s 4:49 pm. I can’t take this anymore. Though she’s been asking some reasonable questions, the conversation has become completely boring despite my attempts to either keep things light and funny or go into deep rapport. She won’t back down either. The questions just keep coming one after another. Oh my god, my ears are falling off, please make it stop.
I interrupt in mid question, “Hey, we should go for a walk. It’s nice outside.”
“Um, yea ok” she agrees
Phew. Finally I catch a break. But now I have to figure out the next step. We leave the coffee shop and head out to the sidewalk.
“There is a nice little pond right around the corner. We could go take a walk around the pond?” I suggest
“Naw”
“Uh, ok. Well there are some nice shops down the street, we can go check those out?”
“No. Actually, I think I’m going to get going now. I have to be somewhere at 5:30.” she says
“Oh ok, um well….” I’m stumbling on how to end the interaction
“You don’t need to walk me back or anything. It was nice meeting you.” she says
“It was nice meeting you too. Maybe we can hang out again sometime.” as I shake her hand
“Uhhh, yea, maybe.” she says as she turns around and walks away
It’s 4:55 pm. It’s over. I turn and walk in the other direction to head back home. The interaction didn’t go well, but it was a good learning experience in regards to coffee dates. I don’t think I’ll be hearing back from her. The whole thing was just weird.
Update: Since writing this post I have found a more successful system for getting dates from both Facebook and MySpace. So, if you are interested in attracting more beautiful women from these social network sites, then check out the Window Shopping for Women system
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Swap the genders around and it would be like the date I had with a guy I saw on Love@Lycos a while ago. I tried to keep the conversation interesting but he just wasn’t hooked for whatever reason. I’ve since given up on online dating, as it’s such a hit and miss type of game.
Seems strange that it turned out that way, after all she poked you first so she was obviously attracted to you.
I think the trick with online meets is to talk on the phone for a little bit before hand, otherwise its just way too awkward for most normal people.
Did you speak to her at all on the phone?
Vince,
The Seduction Library (seductionlibrary.blogspot.com)
Lol, that’s a nice story. May I have an advice for you which i have learned a while ago here ( http://www.theseductionbible.com/2007/09/14/5-tips-for-creating-interesting-conversations/ ) ?
Don’t answer obligate questions boring way.
I’ve had two dates from myspace. One worked out very well, in fact, it lead to a relationship. I pulled all the stops on this one, and it paid off. The other one went well at first and led to a relationship, but, just like in real life, most people are fucked up and I had to get myself away from that psycho ASAP. You win some, you lose some.
PJ,
I can see why you gave up on online dating. You put a lot of time into it and get little in return.
Vince,
I didn’t talk to her on the phone at all so perhaps that is one of the reasons the interaction turned out to be so awkward.
Fingerling,
Yea, I’m realizing now that simply answering all of her questions in such a linear fashion is supplicating and boring. I definitely could have done more to make the interaction more interesting.
Ezekiel,
This is the thing that gets me about online dating, the risk of meeting some really fucked up people. But I suppose the same could be said for just meeting people in general. No risk, no reward, right?
-Matt
Oh I had such a similar experience from my ONE Craigslist moment. The guy was such a dud and showed up for our date in flip flops on the coldest day of the year. He was awful. The date lasted an hour and 8 minutes and we had DINNER. Whoooo boy.
In reality… in my experience whenever a girl initiates contact on a social networking site, I’ve found that they’re weird, unless I’ve met them in person before. If you have met prior, then its a great tool to flirt, get the number, text a few times, then meet up for something fun, physical and exciting (not sex). =)
Otherwise, she’s probably a weirdo soon to be stalker. Stay away Savage.
If you answered all her questions one by one with the type of answer she was expecting, then you were “jumping through her hoops.” It’s a shit test and she is testing your integrity and ability to be manipulated. At that point in time, she stole the frame. I usually answer with sarcastic answers like: “what do you do?” - “Im a Bic lighter repair man.” or “I’m a travelling showwer curtain ring salesman.” It lightens the tension and teases her a bit. If she has stolen the fram, I will usually try to gain it back by answering a question with another question. If she is going to make you jump through a hoop, then make her jump through yours first. For example: “how old do you think I am?” answer with “do you want me to guess low or guess high?” Once she started asking you questions and you started answering them, you began qualifying yourself to her. She wants to be the one qualifying herself to you, because if she is, then youve conveyed higher value. Hope this helps.
I do well in dating in general but not many dating sites discuss facebook and I am like a complete expert on the subject.
You post is actually pretty right on the money one thing with dating sites is that since they can see your pictures and info attraction can almost always be assumed and you can proceed fairly quickly and at any time you want like a lunch break or whatever. I love facebook dating sure you had those first meet jitters but you will learn to have smoother conversations setting up the dates to be more comfortable and also there is a ton of advantages to meeting girls online besides just the time it saves.
I am actually currently writing an ebook about dating on facebook. If you would email me at the address I gave you in this comment form I would probably be willing to send you a copy of it.
Keep up the good work and I will keep reading - DateDemon
Interesting story. It’s good experience even if it seems weird. Cheers,
What do you mean when you said she poked you?
http://wisdom.becomingapua.com
you should always speak to them on phone or use microphone internet call or webcam, because the way they type via email doesnt tell you anything about them and their accent never matches how you think they sound in the email, it can be a bit of shock to the system when you hear them speak first time around, so it takes a while to get used to. as with all things, it takes time for someone to grow on you and if youre both in a state of shock then it shows you really didnt know anything about each other in the first place. its kind of like meeting someone at university or at work in a new job on the first day, its a bit awkward and not much rapport, then people grow on you after a couple of weeks and opne up a bit more, thats how it is, you should have made more effort to get to know them first before you decided to meet up with them.
Man, that must be a bummer for ‘the seduction master’…
Maybe the girl knew who you are and what site you have, and decided to kick your ass big time.
Next time have something planned for after the coffee date. So when the time comes where you’re asking “what do i do?” You can tell her “Oh, there was this [event] going on nearby and I was going to check it out! You’re welcome to join.” You can do that once the convo gets into that comfortable zone.
Or, warm her up online first. The most solid girl I have ever dated was one where we were talking online for a while first. Maybe like two weeks before I actually met her in person.
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