How to Bang a Lesbian

“Quiet! Here she comes….let me do the talking” blurts Carpenter Carl.

Walking towards us through the crowded bar is a cute little waitress. Her name is Lisa. She has that girl next door look with an innocent smile spread across her face. As she reaches our table Carl begins to perk up and prepares to deliver his always predictable goofball charade.

“Ohhhh there she is. I was wondering when you’d get over here and smother me with attention.” he says in his deep jovial voice.

She laughs and gives us a sarcastic response, “Oh great, you mean I have to deal with you two assholes all night…perfect!”

“Come on…you know you love us. Listen, if you serve us really fast tonight, then you’ll get a BIG tip later on…wink..wink” says Carl

“Ha! Yea I bet. I presume you guys want your usual drinks,” she says as we nod in agreement, “I’ll be right back and please try to behave tonight.”

She turns around and disappears into the crowd of drunkards. Carl turns and looks at me with his big stupid grin, “Dude, she totally wants me!”

I pretend to think about it for a second, “Hmmm, that’s interesting, especially since we already know that she is a lesbian. You remember that, right?”

“Dude, it doesn’t matter. Every woman, no matter what she is, will eventually get a craving for the cock. I swear to fucking god man, it is soooo true.”

“Yea, and you are sooo full of shit.”

Carl and I begin to have a debate on the concept of seducing lesbians. At first it seems like a waste of time but after some thought I begin to think that Carl just might be on to something. After all, he claims that he’s already slept with two lesbians this year and I have even had my own flirtatious encounters with several known lesbians.

His core strategy is to assume that all lesbians are really just bisexual in nature and then proceed with the standard flirting practices to attempt to bring out their bisexual side. Obviously, because most of these women have it set in their minds that they only like women, the odds of actually turning on this bisexual switch on the first meeting is going to be very slim. However, if you can befriend them and constantly show sexual attraction to them over a long period of time, then when they do get a so called “cock craving” they know who to go to for a quick fix.

In some sense, Carl’s strategy has some merit to it. On the other hand it seems like a lot of work compared to simply focusing on straight women instead. I suppose there is that possibility of somehow sleeping with two women at once, which I believe is the real motivation behind his obsession with lesbians.

As we are finishing our conversation Lisa reappears with our drinks.

“Oh, thank you sweetie pie” Carl says, “so, I’ll see you later then?”

Lisa gives him a giant grin and says, “yea ok, see you later.”

As she leaves to tend to another table, I stare at Carl in amazement. Just as the words “What the…” begin to come out of my mouth he reveals a minor detail he forgot to mention earlier.

“Oh dude, by the way, I already banged her last weekend, so I think my strategy is working. Hey, sometimes they just love the cock!”