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How I went from two kiss closes to an ASD stiff arm

How I went from two kiss closes to an ASD stiff arm

by Matt Savage

First, this is a long field report, but it’s good. Actually, it is probably more of a tragic comedy than a field report. The first parts of the night are a bit standard approaching but it gets really entertaining towards the end. So, if you are only interested in the good stuff then I’d recommend scrolling down to the section titled “Good Stuff.”

Irish Pub

Approach 44: While watching the playoff games with some buddies, I see a tall attractive woman sitting by herself (we’ll call her HBJanis). I smile at her from across the room and make a motion with my hand to “come hither.” She does. I say hi and ask her if she’s alone and she is. I tell her to hang out with our group. She turns out to be really cool and we all get acquainted and continue watching the game. She is really flirty with all of us and agrees to come to Karaoke with us after the game is over.

Karaoke Bar

Approach 45: We arrive at the Karaoke bar, however, have to wait outside because the place is packed full. While waiting I open a HB who is also waiting to get in. I ask her what songs she is going to sing tonight. She tells me she probably isn’t going to sing because she’s not a good singer, bla, bla, bla. I bust on her for going to a Karaoke bar and not singing. Finally, a bouncer that I know comes outside and says I can go in. I tell the HB I’ll talk to her later.

Approach 46: Inside the bar, there is some chode singing that “Hippity Hop” song and it is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I immediately approach a HB and another dude standing near the bar.

Savage: Wow, this is quite possibly the best rendition of this song I’ve ever heard, what do you think?
HB: Haha, oh yea definitely
Savage: What are you two singing tonight, anything as good as this guy?
HB: oh yea, (mentions some song), what are you going to do?
Savage: Oh I’m singing, “It’s Raining Men”!
HB: What!?! Oh my god are you serious (gives me a weird look)?
Savage: Oh yea, it’s a classic, you want to do it with me, it can be a duet?
HB: Hahaha, ok well if you do it, then I’ll sing with you
Savage: ok cool, I’ll sign us up later.

At this point, I’m forced to eject because HBJanis pulls me up to the stage to sing some Janis Joplin song – hence HBJanis.

Approach 47: After singing, I spot another HB (HBAlanis) sitting at the bar looking through one of the song books. I approach from the side. I gently touch her shoulder, she looks up at me and I say:

Savage: Hi, so what are we going to sing tonight?
HBAlanis: huh?
Savage: Well, if we are going to be a duet, then I need to know what song we are singing together
HBAlanis: Oh, haha, ok well I was thinking about an Alanis Morissette song
Savage: Ah perfect, I do an excellent “You Oughta Know”
HBAlanis: really
Savage: yea listen (I start mumbling and singing the song in funny exaggerated way)

She laughs at my attempts to sing and I tell her to come and get me when we are about to go on. I eject to go to the bathroom.

Approach 48: As I’m coming back from the bathroom, I walk by two HBs playing pool. I say hi and chat with them real quick. I eventually eject as they are mostly occupied by the pool game.

I go back towards the stage area and just as someone starts to sing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” HBJanis grabs my arm. We start slow dancing. Things start to heat up a bit as our hands start to wander. I even dip her during part of the song, which was quite a feat for me considering this girl was about 5 to 6 inches taller than me.

At one point during the dance, HBJanis makes a quick motion with her hand and accidentally scratches my forehead with one of her fingernails.

Savage: oh shit, you just scratched me!
HBJanis: oh my god, I’m soooo sorry!
Savage: (I point to the scratch) Kiss it better (she kisses my forehead)
Savage: ok my turn (I kiss her on the lips, we have a quick make out until I pull away)

There is some more heavy petting as we continue to dance. Once the song is over, she suddenly ejects for some reason and leaves me standing alone on the dance floor.

Approach 49: While standing on the dance floor I look over to the side and see a HB (HBscarf). I say, “hi”. She says hi back and then grabs my hand and we start dancing. Hahaha, this is almost too easy! I dance with this girl for a bit until I eject to go look for HBJanis.

Approach 50: I didn’t get too far in my search when I see a cute asian HB eyeing me from the bar. I approach and say, “Hi”. We talk about the bad Karaoke singers. The conversation doesn’t last long because some chode spills his drink near us and gets it all over the HB. She ends up running off to the bathroom.

Good Stuff

I continue to search for HBJanis but I get ambushed by none other than Tattoo Girl from my first lay!!! She grabs my hand and starts to reel me in. Yikes! I don’t want anything to do with her, I just want to focus on HBJanis.

Suddenly, HBAlanis (not to be confused with HBJanis) who appears on the other side of me grabs my other hand and starts pulling too. Now, these two girls are having a tug of war over me!! I struggle to release my hand from Tattoo Girl. I finally get free and HBAlanis pulls me over and starts grinding the shit out of me. I brush her hair to the side and go in for the kiss. Nice!

At this point, I’m thinking that I don’t want to trigger HBAlanis’ ASD by having a make-out session in the middle of the bar. I tell her that I am starving and that we should go get some food. She agrees and we leave the bar together.

I ask her if there is anything open this late. She suggests that we go to a local pizza place near her apartment to get food to bring it back to her place. I agree and we start walking down the street holding hands.

As we are walking she starts throwing in some preemptive last minute resistance:

HBAlanis: I need to tell you something just so you don’t get the wrong idea
Savage: ok, lay it on me
HBAlanis: I just broke up with my boyfriend after seven years of dating. We were actually engaged but it didn’t work out (I notice that she is still wearing her engagement ring!). So, I’m not really ready to do anything with you tonight because I’m still a bit emotional over this whole thing.
Savage: Ok ok, I understand. Listen, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just think you are a really cool girl and I like you.
HBAlanis: Ok, as long as you understand that we are not going to have sex tonight. We aren’t even going to make out or anything, but if you want to stay over you can, we just can’t do anything.
Savage: Alright, listen, lets just go eat our food and call it a night okay?
HBAlanis: Ok. (long pause) Well, we can probably make out but that is it.

I put my arm around her waist as we are walking and don’t say anything else until we get our food and get back to her apartment.

We are now inside her apartment. I throw the food on the table, we sit on the couch, and I start making out with her. I help her take her boots off and then I take my shoes off. She pulls away from me for a bit and we begin eating our food.

Ok, this part is a bit embarrassing. As we are eating our food I accidentally farted. It wasn’t really loud and it didn’t smell (thank god) but it was enough for her to comment on it.

HBAlanis: Oh my god, did you just fart?
Savage: (I try to play it off as something funny) Uhh no…I think there is a loose board over here or something….haha

She laugh a little bit but it is hard to tell what she is thinking. I know this is definitely a turn-off. Shit.

Just then, her roommate burst in the door and she is completely drunk. She looks over at me and says hi. I realize that this is HBscarf whom I danced with earlier in the night. She starts bumbling around the apartment trying to get to her bedroom. I hear other voices in the hallway. HBAlanis gets up to see what is going on.

Finally, after sitting on the couch for 10 minutes by myself, HBAlanis returns but now there is some dude with her. The guy is holding a giant bottle of wine and taking swigs from it. It turns out he is the next door neighbor. He introduces himself and sits down on the couch right next to me while HBAlanis sits on the other side. ARRRGGHHHHHH, WTF!!!!!!!

I talk with the dude thinking that I need to blow him out. The guy keeps trying to tool on me and I notice HBAlanis becoming less and less interested in me. At this point I am so frustrated and exhausted (it’s around 3:30AM) that I decide it’s time to just call it quits. I tell them that it’s late and I need to get going. I tell them both it was a pleasure meeting them and I leave.


I must say, this was definitely an interesting night. There were certainly some things that I could learn from. The first thing that comes to mind is, don’t fart!

Secondly, I think the problem with the ASD from HBAlanis was that I didn’t get enough comfort in before trying to seduce her. I tried to go straight from attraction to seduction which typically does not result in a lay. Also, the disruption by the roommate and the chode neighbor certainly didn’t help matters. I probably would have had a better chance of laying HBJanis because of better rapport and had spent more time with her throughout the night.

Despite the inherent set-backs, it was still a good night. I am continuing to get my approach numbers up and am seeing some results. Other then my first lay, this is the only other night I have extracted a girl to her place with the intention of seducing her.

As always, I would appreciate any advice from experienced pick up artists, particularly on overcoming the ASD at the end of the night.

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